GEtting better, getting different

Im getting better from what hurts me inside. Its getting different. Im at a different stage, or moving into a different stage. ITs all God. God is taking me to a different stage. Im remembering so much more now. My memories were shut off to me for years and years. Its very painful. I think it has to do with safety. Im much more safe in the outside world.

I should be dead. Im not. I lasted long enough to get better. I have a long way to go. Im just starting. I need so much more... My mind is weak and I am strangely alone.

I have to pray about being along. I have to remember, I was dead anyway. Any thing is better or different then death.

I wonder what Im doing here. Why God has me around. Im not sure what the goal is. I believe it was a present from God to keep me alive, give me another chance on planet earth. He heard me. HE heard my cry...

Gratefulness is what counts... I am ln a different kind of life.

God is the center of everything. I have to remember this! its not about me.. ITs about GOd. God has allowed a new life to prosper. Now what. Im not healed yet, Im weak.

Its horrible that most of my recovery process was alone with GOd. ITs strange that I have never had any real friends.