futility

well the last blog entry was too depressing to leave hanging there..

I am sick of the devils influence in my life
tired of him stealing stuff from me and me letting him
I am tired of being weak in my walk with God

sick of playing both sides of the fence and thinking it wont matter, because it does, it really does

I dont know if I can be fully on God's side though.. I struggle to persevere and stay in the game, I mess up rather dramatically and big so big at times, I care too much what others think, I tolerate those who put me down and do not encourage my walk with God, the list goes on and on...

and work for Gods kingdom sits undone because I am caught up in my own depths of despair.. it is not right its all out of balance