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Charlie Kaufman: We open on Charlie Kaufman. Fat, old, bald, repulsive, sitting in a Hollywood restaurant, across from Valerie Thomas, a lovely, statuesque film executive. Kaufman, trying to get a writing assignment, wanting to impress her, sweats profusely. Fat, bald Kaufman paces furiously in his bedroom. He speaks into his hand held tape recorder, and he says: "Charlie Kaufman. Fat, bald, repulsive, old, sits at a Hollywood restaurant with Valerie Thomas"

Charlie Kaufman: I've written myself into my screenplay.
Donald Kaufman: That's kind of weird, huh

Pounced with fire on flaming roads/Using ideas as my maps

Like all teenagers, I had a dream for what I wanted to be when I grew up. It wasnt to be rich or famous or healthy. It wasnt to be married or have kids or have a career. My dream was that Id grow up to a be a better man that my SOB father. Im pleased to say my dream came true, along with some other nice stuff as well.

Well I'm fortunate to be able to say that I had a wonderful father whose memory is always with me so my dream was to be like him - "Still workin on that one, Dad"...

Life is short. I need to make the most of it. Today is the first day of the rest of my life. I'm a walking cliché

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