It is funny how you catch yourself saying something you may not want to. I was at a friend's house tonight looking at her wedding albumn. We were talking about her hair style and I wanted to say "When I get married..." but just as the words came out of my mouth I realised I had to stop. My next thought was what if I never get married? After all I am not even dating anyone so how can I even be thinking about "when I get married"? I realised I have been saying those words for a while now but this was the first time I thought better of using them.
Of course I, like all people, like to plan for the future. I like to use the "when" word. It is just that, I am not sure if it is really helping me. It is like saying "when I move to another city" or "when I get a car" or "when the children grow up". There are a lot of "whens" in this life and we can never fully be prepared for "when" becomes "now". We can think about it, dream about it, even organise things for it but it we never know what really is going to happen. The more I say it, the more I feel like it is a trap seperating me from what I really should be focused on - my life at the moment. This is where God has called me to be now so why I am constanty focused on a time when I am not here?
I don't know if any of these "whens" are going to be "now" but God does. He also knows the plans He has for that moment. He knows what is going to happen before it, after it. He also knows if it will even becomes a "now". Sometimes the things we think are going to happen never do. "Whens" can be "ifs" and I am tired of living in "whens".
So tonight I realised that I am going to trust in the Lord that He will show me what the right thing to do is when (and if) the time actually comes. I am not sure what plans I have for tomorrow but I know the plans of the Lord are to prosper me and not to harm me. If all my "whens" don't turn into "nows", I know that God has other things for me to do that are far better. And even if my "whens" do turn into "nows", I am going to avoid living my life in them and lean on God's understanding of me and my life.
Of course I, like all people, like to plan for the future. I like to use the "when" word. It is just that, I am not sure if it is really helping me. It is like saying "when I move to another city" or "when I get a car" or "when the children grow up". There are a lot of "whens" in this life and we can never fully be prepared for "when" becomes "now". We can think about it, dream about it, even organise things for it but it we never know what really is going to happen. The more I say it, the more I feel like it is a trap seperating me from what I really should be focused on - my life at the moment. This is where God has called me to be now so why I am constanty focused on a time when I am not here?
I don't know if any of these "whens" are going to be "now" but God does. He also knows the plans He has for that moment. He knows what is going to happen before it, after it. He also knows if it will even becomes a "now". Sometimes the things we think are going to happen never do. "Whens" can be "ifs" and I am tired of living in "whens".
So tonight I realised that I am going to trust in the Lord that He will show me what the right thing to do is when (and if) the time actually comes. I am not sure what plans I have for tomorrow but I know the plans of the Lord are to prosper me and not to harm me. If all my "whens" don't turn into "nows", I know that God has other things for me to do that are far better. And even if my "whens" do turn into "nows", I am going to avoid living my life in them and lean on God's understanding of me and my life.