My first blog entry! I thought I should start it on a positive note. I'm not even sure if anybody on this website reads the blogs, but I'm doing it for myself!
I'm having such a beautiful day and I just wanted to take the opportunity to write down all of my blessings. I have pretty bad depression and so I tend to constantly focus on and obsess over everything negative in my life. I'm ashamed to say I often don't see how wonderful my life is. So while it's fresh in my mind, here are the blessings I'm counting today:
I'm having such a beautiful day and I just wanted to take the opportunity to write down all of my blessings. I have pretty bad depression and so I tend to constantly focus on and obsess over everything negative in my life. I'm ashamed to say I often don't see how wonderful my life is. So while it's fresh in my mind, here are the blessings I'm counting today:
- I have a safe, quiet job working with a great team of people. I got my first official Christmas bonus this year (first of my life!) and I am so praising God for it! I needed it so bad!
- I've lived on my own with the man of my dreams for almost 3 years! It has been so hard but SO WORTH IT! I am so blessed to have this man in my life. He is always taking care of me and he always forgives me when I let my insecurities get in the way of our happiness together. I pray to God one day he will make me his wife!
- My family is HUGE and CLOSE! I have 6 nieces and nephews, ranging in age from 5 months to 5 years! They are all so beautiful, happy children that I love with all of my heart. I never knew how much love my heart could hold before they were born. I am lucky enough to have 5 amazing parents in my life. I so cherish every moment I get to spend with my parents, siblings, nieces, nephews, and other extended family.
- Through all of the years we've lived on our own we have never gone hungry. We may have freezed our butts off in the winter and sweat through the summers, we may have had Ramen noodles one too many times, we may have had to stay in for weeks in order to pay our bills... But we're healthy and surviving, all on our own!
- I can feel God in my heart! It has been months since I've felt a connection to God. Since I have reconnected with Him, my life has opened back up. I can see clearer and my heart is lighter. I feel at ease knowing He is always there inside of me.
Dear Heavenly Father,
This is going to be our first Christmas without Perry. When I think this and type it out, tears well up in my eyes and I feel that familiar panic in my heart. It's been almost 2 years since his diagnosis and I still can't believe this has happened. I can't believe my boyfriend lost his father just as he was becoming a man. I can't believe that somebody who gave his life to God, who spread the Word, and was always there for everybody, could get brain cancer and die. I understand this is the nature of the world we live in. And while I wanted to thank You and give praise to You for all of the beautiful blessings in my life, I couldn't let that get in the way of me mourning my first Christmas without somebody who was like my father. So I thank you, God, for letting me end this year on a good note. Please grant my family peace this Christmas. We need it far more than we need anything else.
Please give this message to Perry for me: I miss you. I would give anything to have you here with us. I know Grant misses you terribly. I don't think he likes to talk about it and I don't know how to bring it up. He needs the comfort and security of his father, and it hurts me that I can't give that to him. You see him suffering, I know you do. I know you now know the true nature of his pain and despair. Please, Perry, be with us always. Watch over your son and guide him, help him make good choices, help him be strong. Never let him go a day without feeling your love and God's grace. I love you with every ounce of my being. I will see you again, we will all see you again. Love from me, and Tina, and Miranda and Brandon, and Grant.
Amen.
Please give this message to Perry for me: I miss you. I would give anything to have you here with us. I know Grant misses you terribly. I don't think he likes to talk about it and I don't know how to bring it up. He needs the comfort and security of his father, and it hurts me that I can't give that to him. You see him suffering, I know you do. I know you now know the true nature of his pain and despair. Please, Perry, be with us always. Watch over your son and guide him, help him make good choices, help him be strong. Never let him go a day without feeling your love and God's grace. I love you with every ounce of my being. I will see you again, we will all see you again. Love from me, and Tina, and Miranda and Brandon, and Grant.
Amen.