I am slowly growing. I am remembering... I have values that have been hidden, as I have been hidden. God is allowing me to surface. Now what!, I hope I don't get buried again, that last round was to much, for to long.
A foundation is being created. the concrete has been poured, but not on every floor. Holes need to be dug. new rooms need to be built. The foundation is not build yet, the center is build and waiting...
The rest of the house is forming... its moving upward.. My memories are slowly returning to me. It is very strange to remember things you never remembered... I was not allowed to remember.
Strange people in a strange land. Although its a land Ive known all my life, Ive known none of it...
I am a stranger in my own land... I was a throw away. now, I don't care, I see this murderous place for what it is; Im not impressed.
Im a nice guy, Im a decent kind person. Ive never been around nice people. I have never been around people that fit my level of values or principles. Ive been around no one that values me or what I stand for.
Where do I find the nice people that are like me. How do I trust again...
Trust is such a big deal.
Right now, Im working on letting go. Letting go of people that will betray me as I am seeing them through rose colored glasses.
I am looking to get stronger, day after day after day... The ability to let go of everything, not expect anything in this insane asylum called cultural society..
Im looking to be less afraid, with the understanding that the human race is not human. They are just a race that want to race, for it is a human race; who ever finishes first wins.. Thats what Ive been told.
I never fit in, and I never will...
I have my own mind or no mind!
I am myself or I am by myself..
Thank God, I don't fit in. However, it can be the death of me..
I have to remember to pray...
I pray for the little girl Alaina. Is this spelled right, I don't know. I have told God that if he does not help her I will never forgive him. That sounds so satanic... Forgive me God. I just don't want that little girl to die like she was in a prison camp. She has already been tortured for years through neglect and she's only 2 years old. I got to see how she was treated. It is beyond my comprehension. She will not have the will to live before she hits 5. Why could I do nothing about it..
Im angry at God... Why! How could you allow this!.. She is your daughter.. Whats wrong with you. How do you expect the rest of us to believe in you when you allow this little girl to be tortured and destroyed when she is so innocent. What about her.. her life snuffed out... I saw it with my own eyes.. Nothing can be done. Its all legal red tape. I have to keep praying for her ceaselessly for ever and ever and ever...
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I have principles..
The most important thing Im working on now; organization skills within my personal life.
1. Keeping clothing organized and clean
2. dwelling clean
3. machinery looked after, well kept and locked
5. self grooming, in shape, lean
6. art participation
7. relationship stuff is a different story. I have problems with that, with people.
Have to keep working with God. Keep praying, let go of the expectations of this world.
A foundation is being created. the concrete has been poured, but not on every floor. Holes need to be dug. new rooms need to be built. The foundation is not build yet, the center is build and waiting...
The rest of the house is forming... its moving upward.. My memories are slowly returning to me. It is very strange to remember things you never remembered... I was not allowed to remember.
Strange people in a strange land. Although its a land Ive known all my life, Ive known none of it...
I am a stranger in my own land... I was a throw away. now, I don't care, I see this murderous place for what it is; Im not impressed.
Im a nice guy, Im a decent kind person. Ive never been around nice people. I have never been around people that fit my level of values or principles. Ive been around no one that values me or what I stand for.
Where do I find the nice people that are like me. How do I trust again...
Trust is such a big deal.
Right now, Im working on letting go. Letting go of people that will betray me as I am seeing them through rose colored glasses.
I am looking to get stronger, day after day after day... The ability to let go of everything, not expect anything in this insane asylum called cultural society..
Im looking to be less afraid, with the understanding that the human race is not human. They are just a race that want to race, for it is a human race; who ever finishes first wins.. Thats what Ive been told.
I never fit in, and I never will...
I have my own mind or no mind!
I am myself or I am by myself..
Thank God, I don't fit in. However, it can be the death of me..
I have to remember to pray...
I pray for the little girl Alaina. Is this spelled right, I don't know. I have told God that if he does not help her I will never forgive him. That sounds so satanic... Forgive me God. I just don't want that little girl to die like she was in a prison camp. She has already been tortured for years through neglect and she's only 2 years old. I got to see how she was treated. It is beyond my comprehension. She will not have the will to live before she hits 5. Why could I do nothing about it..
Im angry at God... Why! How could you allow this!.. She is your daughter.. Whats wrong with you. How do you expect the rest of us to believe in you when you allow this little girl to be tortured and destroyed when she is so innocent. What about her.. her life snuffed out... I saw it with my own eyes.. Nothing can be done. Its all legal red tape. I have to keep praying for her ceaselessly for ever and ever and ever...
-------------
I have principles..
The most important thing Im working on now; organization skills within my personal life.
1. Keeping clothing organized and clean
2. dwelling clean
3. machinery looked after, well kept and locked
5. self grooming, in shape, lean
6. art participation
7. relationship stuff is a different story. I have problems with that, with people.
Have to keep working with God. Keep praying, let go of the expectations of this world.