bittersweet

it's weird
here I am trying to help relationships in my family get better between them wishing in some ways those very things I'm suggesting and hoping they will implement with each other hoping too that they might try with me.

I suspect it wont ever happen with me
perhaps that is my path to walk, help my family get on better with each other and be invisible otherwise.

the weird thing is that I dont mind in some ways
God is there for me

sometimes would be nice if someone saw me and took an interest in me from my family but I'll be alright and I am alright if and when they dont because God sees me and intervenes and is active in looking out for me so yeah even though I feel sad it will be ok

sigh, it would be so easy to get angry and bitter about the lack of any interest in my life and the irony is as I sit with them all I know is God saying help them to have better relationships with each other, help them with ways to show they love each other and love each other better

and in that there is some happiness
that they do listen sometimes, they do hear sometimes