Sometimes I wonder to myself why things happen the way they happen...
Pain, is an emotion that in my own personal life has become such a private thing because I've never really found anyone to share my pain with. This isn't to say that I haven't actually tried to find help. I've searched in my family, with my church family and it has consistently failed. This isn't to say they never tried, many have tried, but all have given up.
Even today, the preacher I use to talk to has become an expert 'drive-by care questions'. What does this mean? They ask you a question that makes you feel like they care and by the time you come back around to respond they are gone.
You know what I've found out? Don't ask me any questions!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The worst feeling in this current form, this carnal existence, this fleshly form when those you want to trust, turn out to be just... human.
*sighs*
Yeah, human. We are all human. We all fail. We fail sometimes so miserably that I shutter to think of the times -I've- failed someone that needed me.
Pain, is such a personal emotion. I look at my life and I just want to weep bitterly because I find myself so very much alone. I feel alone, so I feel that pain acutely. I've worked very hard to foster friendships and some have been moderately successful. I honestly enjoy their company.
Divorce seems to have heightened this pain to loneliness. I sometimes wish I would have been the one that ran off with my lover. Instead of the other way around.
She manipulated me. Left me. I know I wasn't perfect, but did I deserve to be completely crushed, to have my world turn to ash?
God, had it not been for Him, I wouldn't be talking to you now. I know this. Then....
Oddly enough...
When I think about Christ, I actually start to feel better about this situation. I know he made me that I feel so acutely alone when I don't have my Christian brothers.
So this is part of series, I'm wishing to share with you. From the start to the end, I'll give you what has helped me.
Godspeed.
Pain, is an emotion that in my own personal life has become such a private thing because I've never really found anyone to share my pain with. This isn't to say that I haven't actually tried to find help. I've searched in my family, with my church family and it has consistently failed. This isn't to say they never tried, many have tried, but all have given up.
Even today, the preacher I use to talk to has become an expert 'drive-by care questions'. What does this mean? They ask you a question that makes you feel like they care and by the time you come back around to respond they are gone.
You know what I've found out? Don't ask me any questions!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The worst feeling in this current form, this carnal existence, this fleshly form when those you want to trust, turn out to be just... human.
*sighs*
Yeah, human. We are all human. We all fail. We fail sometimes so miserably that I shutter to think of the times -I've- failed someone that needed me.
Pain, is such a personal emotion. I look at my life and I just want to weep bitterly because I find myself so very much alone. I feel alone, so I feel that pain acutely. I've worked very hard to foster friendships and some have been moderately successful. I honestly enjoy their company.
Divorce seems to have heightened this pain to loneliness. I sometimes wish I would have been the one that ran off with my lover. Instead of the other way around.
She manipulated me. Left me. I know I wasn't perfect, but did I deserve to be completely crushed, to have my world turn to ash?
God, had it not been for Him, I wouldn't be talking to you now. I know this. Then....
Oddly enough...
When I think about Christ, I actually start to feel better about this situation. I know he made me that I feel so acutely alone when I don't have my Christian brothers.
So this is part of series, I'm wishing to share with you. From the start to the end, I'll give you what has helped me.
Godspeed.