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A Good Week

So, up to this week I have not experienced anger towards others very much if at all. Even when recalling memories, I never had anger toward my abusers. However, anger at myself has always been very easy. My T has been encouraging me to try to recognize anger ... this week, I finally did ... but it was at her. She accused my dad of possibly having abused my mom. This made me angry for her to think that he could ever do such a thing. The anger surprised me for several reasons ... one, I don't get angry at people ... ever. The second reason was really good for me. I was angry at her, but I still trusted her and loved her at the same time. The BPD part of me normally freaks out really bad when I have multiple conflicting emotions at the same time. This is the first time I've ever been able to experience multiple emotions and still feel "normal" ...


I have worked through the anger by the way. After I was angry for awhile, I started worrying that maybe my dad HAD abused my mom ... I was scared I wouldn't be able to handle that information ... so I asked my mom, and she said no, he had never done anything like that to hurt her, but then I felt justified in my anger at T and so was angry for another day. BUT, then I started reasoning with myself that after what I told T about dad it's not unreasonable for her to question something like that and me and IC have decided to talk to T about it on Monday.

Also, first week since I moved to once a week instead of twice a week that I didn't feel like my mind was going to implode this time of week. AND processed a painful flashback with just me and little me. All around good week mental health wise