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6. On bipolar.

Trying to explain something to someone who just does not get it can be a tiring and overwhelming thing. I just dreamt that I spent hours trying to tell Jarrod - or someone else, can't remember - what bipolar II was all about... it didn't work too well in my dream, and doesn't really work that well in real life, either.

I mean, how can you explain something to someone who hasn't experienced and (hopefully) will never experience that thing? Bipolar is a crazy illness and having to explain what it's like to be manic just doesn't work to someone who's never been there before.


Bipolar is my "uncomfortable" muse.

(Hypo)mania is a time for me to do crazy things and in the end, realize that it was my impaired judgment that led me to do those crazy things.

Depression is a time when I can write write write and use the ideas that I came up with when I was manic to create what later become poems.


Bipolar is a stress on my whole family.

Mania is a time when Jarrod has trouble just keeping up with me, trying to comprehend what I am babbling at to him bc my words are tumbling over each other and I can't stop them.

Depression is a time when I don't talk with anyone, but either hole up in my room or sit and stare at the wall and rock side to side.


Bipolar is hard.

Mania is a time spent trying to keep up with myself, trying to understand what is the driving force behind my doing whatever I do.

Depression is a time spent trying to keep myself from falling so far down, and trying to understand why I feel like such rubbish.


It's a challenge. It really is. I know that there are people out ther - I know that there are people here - that can empathize and agree with that statement.

But despite the challenges... I am fascinated by mental illness, of any sort, especially the type(s) to which I can relate. And - believe it or not - I am fascinated by my own mental illnesses, and - while I don't enjoy them, of course - I do find them to be very interesting. Obviously, perhaps, since I am going into the psych field, and want to work with people with mental illnesses similar to mine.

Yes.