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55. it's not too late to leave this all behind

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so help me, God, to let this go
to break this hold
to find myself

I need to learn how to let the past be the past... and let the future come and be new. I need to let all that has happened to me become history... and let myself grow into my new role as a stronger person who has lived through hell.

I don't even know, though, if what I have been through is hell. It's been so hard... so so hard... but I have made it. I am not dead yet, despite needing to be hospitalized four times... I have survived. I am a survivor. I am not a victim. I have made it thus far... I can make it through anything. My God is with me. I am a survivor. And I live because of Him. He is growing to be my All, as He should be. I am learning more about Him as each and every day goes by. I feel closer to Him now... I am working on talking with Him whenever I am not occupied with anything else... He is a wonderful God... no, that is too tame a word. It's like Lucy in C.S. Lewis' Chronicles of Narnia... "Aslan? Is he safe?" and Mr Beaver replying, "Safe? Safe?! No, of course he's not safe!! But he is good."

My future is growing to be exciting. I am looking forward to leaving my past behind and becoming a new person in Christ... growing into the woman that God wants me to be... growing into the wife that Jarrod deserves... growing with him in Christ.

I can do this. I can grow. I can become stronger. I can overcome. I can handle my illness(es) and my addictions. I can become the person that I am meant to be. I can overcome!! I can overcome!!

I CAN OVERCOME!!

and i am here to stay
nothing can separate us
and i know i'm okay
You cradle me gently
wrapped in Your arms
and i'm here to stay
nothing can separate us
and i know i'm okay
You cradle me gently
wrapped in Your arms
i'm home, i'm home
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