Your views on parental chastening and discipline

[JAM2b]

This is a very touchy subject, and where I think for the most part it'll remain civil enough among us who are not parents, I think those here who do have children of their own that join in is where the problem will start. Regardless of how insightful an individual may be on the subject of child rearing, if they do not actually have children of their own, their views on the subject are not usually taken well, or simply dismissed as irrelevant (based solely on the fact that they are not parents) by those who are parents.

I was a perfect mother before I had children!

Honestly, I had a ton of experience with other children because I babysat from the time I was 13, and was raising my infant sister when I was a teenager because of how neglectful our parents were. When I was 19 I went to work in daycare, had childcare and preschool teacher workshops and training, took college classes on child develop and psychology, and read books and magazines on my own in my spare time. I loved the topic of children and raising them and teaching them.

All that said, becoming a mother was a whole other ball game. Anyone who says it is the same is either lying or delusional. It is so different when it is your own children.

 

[OldWiseGuy]

I'm not sure what you mean here. Could you describe that in psychological terms? Are you referring to the way in which the shock of a blunt impact can potentially help someone who is suffering from a fit of hysterics?

If someone is having a hysterical fit there's something more serious than childhood fantasy going on.

Proverbs 22:15 Foolishness is bound in the heart of a child; but the rod of correction shall drive it far from him.

Life gets serious real fast. The sooner kids learn this the less foolish they will be. We have a entire generations that are living their lives foolishly, largely because they weren't properly disciplined as kids.

 

[High Fidelity]

If someone is having a hysterical fit there's something more serious than childhood fantasy going on.

Proverbs 22:15 Foolishness is bound in the heart of a child; but the rod of correction shall drive it far from him.

Life gets serious real fast. The sooner kids learn this the less foolish they will be. We have a entire generations that are living their lives foolishly, largely because they weren't properly disciplined as kids.

Violence begets violence.

My Dad used to push me around after drinking when I was in my early teens. Then I was bigger than him and made him realise he won't do it again.

It hasn't soured our relationship at all as I know I wasn't the best behaved, but violence is not the answer. There's no need for it. Nowadays if someone attacks me unprovoked then I'll end it violently and quickly, but I wouldn't attack someone unprovoked and that includes being physically abusive to my child.

Opinions differ, but I'm of the opinion that instilling violence as an appropriate and justified means of repercussion is not a responsible precedent to set when raising children who grow up mimicking a lot of their parents behaviours.

 

[Noxot]

I have heard that physical punishments can cause brain damage. I was reading this https://www.quora.com/In-Psalm-23-4-when-it-mentions-a-shepherds-rod-and-staff-whats-the-difference ...here is part of it

Who would know better about rods and staffs than a former real shepherd, Philip Keller when he wrote the book, "A Shepherd Looks at Psalm 23". This is what I learned. Shepherds use a rod to protect the gentle and harmless flock from predators or reprimand unruly sheep that pick on others, eat the wrong plants, or are oblivious to danger. The shepherd parts the sheep's wool using the rod to look for wounds, disease, and the overall condition of the skin.

A second essential piece of shepherding equipment is a shepherd's staff that is long and slender with a crook on the end. When tired, a shepherd leans on the staff or uses it to return a lamb to its mother. He'll bring timid sheep closer to him or guide the flock into new pasture or through a gate. The staff frees sheep from bushes or lifts them out of water when they stray too far and get into trouble.

Sheep regularly see the shepherd use the rod and staff to protect, guide, lead, and get them out of jams. They're familiar with the care he provides and learn to depend on him for their safety.

 

[TheGirlOnFire]

It is not an actual ROD, it's symbol. If you're seriously suggesting that God wants us to beat our children violently, because a rod is more serious than smacking with your hands, then there's something seriously wrong here.

Shepherds do not beat their sheep, the guide them, protect them and lead them. It is a symbol that we are shepherds and should treat our children carefully like sheep.

bentalk: Learning from a Real Shepherd, Dr. W Phillip Keller

 

[blackribbon]

There is a HUGE difference between a spanking and a beating. Those who don't know the difference should never spank or beat. If it is done in anger, then it is always a beating.

 

[Handmaid for Jesus]

I read a story once about a shepherd who had a sheep that liked the berries and he was continually having to cut her out of the berry bushes. She resisted all his correction methods. So, he finally broke one of her legs, then lovingly reset the leg, bound it up with ointment, then he lovingly put her on his shoulders and carried her until she healed. When he put her down she followed at his heels, never to stray into the berry bushes again.

The Bible is our Basic instructions before leaving Earth. It's truth is timeless.
2 Tim. 3:16 All scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness:

Our Father gives us instructions . Then we can obey, or lean to our own understanding. The choice is ours. But we cannot complain to God when our children embarrass us with their unruly behavior. I raised three amazing human beings according to Proverbs. The Bible is clear. It works.

 

[Cearbhall]

If someone is having a hysterical fit there's something more serious than childhood fantasy going on.

Proverbs 22:15 Foolishness is bound in the heart of a child; but the rod of correction shall drive it far from him.

Oh. I suppose I don't understand what you mean, then. I don't see the basis for what you're saying.

Life gets serious real fast. The sooner kids learn this the less foolish they will be. We have a entire generations that are living their lives foolishly, largely because they weren't properly disciplined as kids.

What are your sources for this? Most of the statistics that I'm familiar with are highly encouraging, the exception being those that can be attributed to the economy and failed policy.

 

[Noxot]

I can only hope that peoples lack of discernment of animal abuse does not bleed over into other spheres of their lives.

I never watched this but I guess I will now

 

[Miss Spaulding]

Yep. This is headed in the direction I expected it would. Welp, I've given my two cents and respectfully stick to my views, so I'll slip out now.

 

[Toro]

If I have kids I wont rule out spankings by any means I don't care what the government says.... will just need a lot of bail money.

However,I don't believe spanking is the only way. Im not a parent but I think its a parents job to know what gets through to their child and teaches them discipline. Whether that is at the end of a belt, or taking away their toys.... or whatever else..... if it works, use it. I don't believe that spanking is wrong, unless it is used as a "cure all". But I feel that way about any form of punishment..... there is no "magic bullet" fix.

Parenting is tough, thats why not everyone is cut out for raising a child..... all have the capacity but most are more concerned with their own desires and are letting the TV, school or government raise their child. Thats why those that actually ARE mothers and fathers, not just child conceiveers deserve respect as a whole.

In my case I will likely have to use my belt on my child as they will likely be as stubborn and hard headed as me..... but IF there is something that works on them better.... I wont have to resort to it.

I was spanked, but it was the only thing that got through to me. So say what you want, spanking DOES work for some..... just cause its not pretty doesnt mean its wrong. There is a difference between discipline spanking and abuse.

What do you think is more damaging to a child? Spankings.... or letting the TV raise your child? Look at society and you tell me.... do you think we are on an incline or decline now that parenting is a lost art? Knowing your child is what matters, not the form the discipline comes in.

 

[OldWiseGuy]

If I have kids I wont rule out spankings by any means I don't care what the government says.... will just need a lot of bail money.

However,I don't believe spanking is the only way. Im not a parent but I think its a parents job to know what gets through to their child and teaches them discipline. Whether that is at the end of a belt, or taking away their toys.... or whatever else..... if it works, use it. I don't believe that spanking is wrong, unless it is used as a "cure all". But I feel that way about any form of punishment..... there is no "magic bullet" fix.

Parenting is tough, thats why not everyone is cut out for raising a child..... all have the capacity but most are more concerned with their own desires and are letting the TV, school or government raise their child. Thats why those that actually ARE mothers and fathers, not just child conceiveers deserve respect as a whole.

In my case I will likely have to use my belt on my child as they will likely be as stubborn and hard headed as me..... but IF there is something that works on them better.... I wont have to resort to it.

I was spanked, but it was the only thing that got through to me. So say what you want, spanking DOES work for some..... just cause its not pretty doesnt mean its wrong. There is a difference between discipline spanking and abuse.

What do you think is more damaging to a child? Spankings.... or letting the TV raise your child? Look at society and you tell me.... do you think we are on an incline or decline now that parenting is a lost art? Knowing your child is what matters, not the form the discipline comes in.

I agree. The lack of needed spankings is an indicator and a cause of the decline of society.

 

[MarkSB]

My father was physically, verbally, and emotionally abusive when I was a child. I don't know that it's worth going into much detail here, but pretty much everything from 8-9 years old until I was 18 was filled with bad experiences with him. He had some issues in his marriage when I was 7 years old or so, and it seemed like I became a vent for his anger and frustration not long afterwards. Most of the time I didn't understand what his anger was for or why he was coming after me.

With that being said, I still feel that spanking can be a valid discipline method, provided that:
1. It is not done in anger.
2. It is limited to smacks on the butt.
3. Similar to what some of the other posters have said: the child knows what they're being disciplined for.
4. The child has been warned first.

If I had children, would I spank them? Its difficult for me to say at this point. The bottom line is that discipline is a means to an end, not an end in itself. If a parent is "spanking" a child out of anger or because they had a bad day, then it seems to me that its more about them venting their anger than it is about disciplining the child.

And please... no quotes. Its not really a subject that I care to get into a debate about.... just my $0.02.

 

[MarkSB]

Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. -Ephesians 6:4

Do not be quickly provoked in your spirit, for anger resides in the lap of fools. -Ecclesiastes 7:9

 

[Cearbhall]

I agree. The lack of needed spankings is an indicator and a cause of the decline of society.

What decline?

 

[OldWiseGuy]

What decline?

Our moral decline. Our physical decline can be attributed to lack of self control as well. Most of our problems can be traced to lack of self control and poor judgment, largely caused by faulty parenting.

"You know you are mature when you can finally forgive your parents for the way they raised you." -OldWiseGuy

 

[OldWiseGuy]

It is not an actual ROD, it's symbol. If you're seriously suggesting that God wants us to beat our children violently, because a rod is more serious than smacking with your hands, then there's something seriously wrong here.

Shepherds do not beat their sheep, the guide them, protect them and lead them. It is a symbol that we are shepherds and should treat our children carefully like sheep.

bentalk: Learning from a Real Shepherd, Dr. W Phillip Keller

The "rod" in this case is a switch, usually a narrow green branch, not a staff or club. It might sting the backside but wouldn't do any real damage. My old German grandmother's favorite switch was an extension cord liberally applied to the back of the legs. That'll get you dancing.

Metaphorically the "rod" is also the symbol of authority. That it is recorded by the prophets indicates that this authority (over your children) is God-given.

 

[Handmaid for Jesus]

The "rod" in this case is a switch, usually a narrow green branch, not a staff or club. It might sting the backside but wouldn't do any real damage. My old German grandmother's favorite switch was an extension cord liberally applied to the back of the legs. That'll get you dancing.

Metaphorically the "rod" is also the symbol of authority. That it is recorded by the prophets indicates that this authority (over your children) is God-given.

Yes that switch will get you dancing. But it was a good teaching tool. My mom used a slender branch from the sugar berry bush .I used the same.

 

[OldWiseGuy]

It could be a lot worse.

84-year-old NorCal woman accused of shooting at 'noisy' children

 

[JAM2b]

When people enjoy talking about spanking or brag about it is when I'm uncomfortable. I'm out.