Hi Jonathan. Thanks for sharing about your struggles. I don't think being "bf" and "gf" is a problem, but sex outside of a committed relationship definitely leads to emotional problems, often subconsciously. As you've shared of your own experience, you find it difficult to know how to behave without sex involved. A lot of people go through similar situations as a result of casual sex. They find it difficult to trust, difficult to interact or be genuinely intimate and difficult to express emotional maturity. Those problems certainly aren't limited to casual sex but, in my experience, they are definitely influenced by it.
The real heart of a sexual relationship is commitment. That's what marriage, in front of witnesses, is meant to represent; "till death do us part". That's one hell of a commitment. If you're not prepared for that kind of commitment, then you're probably not prepared for healthy sex, or even the kind of touchy-feely flirting which generally leads to sex.
If you're finding it difficult, physically, to restrain yourself, try masturbating more often. It's something which can help with the purely physical, hormonal side of us human beings. Good emotional support from friends is helpful, too. Try doing more hugging with your family and friends and sharing deeply with trusted friends about your various issues.
The only real difference between a deep, romantic relationship and a deep friendly relationship is sex. Strong emotional support and trust can still exist in non-sexual relationships if you develop it properly.
And, as others have shared, asking God for help is important. I've found that he won't flat-out change you, which seems like it'd just be the easiest option all around, but he will encourage you to change. He'll give you the help you need to make the hard choices concerning temptation and integrity.
Good luck.
