Would it bother you

[~Beauty_from_Pain~]

If HIS/HERS best friend(s) were of the opposite sex (and this in talking about the person you are dating). Would you expect your "person" to change anything about their relationship with these best friends in terms of what they talk about with them or how much they see them....or is it I don't care because they're just friends?

 

[RobinRedbreast]

I'm going to assume that when you use the term "best friend" you mean someone they very often spend time with and someone they constantly confide in first or mostly. In which case, my answer is Yes, it would bother me. I do believe that in a serious relationship, your primary friend and confident of the opposite sex needs to be your SO and that's all there is to it. Everyone else needs to take a step back.

That being said, I could never expect anyone else to "change" just for me. If something about someone's SO doesn't fit in with how they believe a relationship should work, then that person needs to make the choice to stay and deal with it, or to leave. You can't expect the other party to change just because you believe things should be a certain way.


However: The term "best friend" is thrown around way too lightly I find... if you're just talking about a group of friends that maybe occasionally he hangs out with and talks to a bit here and there, then No, that really wouldn't bug me all too much as long as an open invitation was offered for me to be a part of the group.

If it's going to be some sort of "secret club and you can't be involved with my friends" sort of deal, then again Yes I would have a problem.

DH knows that I don't really think highly of having close friends of the opposite sex in a committed relationship... however he doesn't share this view, and I respect and accept that. He does however respect my view, and he has already told me on many occasions that if the situation should come about, he'd gladly offer to take me with him if he was going to go off with a female friend, and I told him that any of those friends are of course welcome in our home.

 

[Blank123]

i wouldn't expect anyone to change for me i just wouldn't date anyone who happens to be best friends with a woman. I don't care if he has friends who are girls but when it comes to being best friends, i better be the only woman in that spot

 

[K9_Trainer]

My guy's best friend is a girl, and that's all she is, a friend. It really doesn't bother me, especially since we're long distance at the moment. I trust him and he still places me above them and if I were there I'd be included. Even now, he doesn't go on one on one things with her, he always makes sure there's at least one other person going along. I understand that they are close because they live in a small town, they all grew up together. I even have no problem with her being a bridesmaid because my bf expressed to me that her being a part of the wedding is important to him.

 

[chris414]

Yes it would bother me, especially if the closeness with the best friend was at the expense of (or instead of) closeness in the relationship.

 

[Windmill]

As long as I'M the best friend in reality, it doesn't matter

I mean if he confided more in her than me or something, yeah it would bother me! Because the relationship would not be where it should be! But that applies to both members of the sexes.

As long as we assume "best friend" AFTER me, its all OK, no matter what sex they are.

See, I'd possibly be up for almost anything.

Even for an OPEN RELATIONSHIP on a purely physical level. Possibly. Not for me though- only if he wanted that for himself.

I'm pretty open despite my own personal strictish standards

 

[Mrs. Luther073082]

Um, I don't know if it would bother me. I think it depends on the situation. In my current relationship we basically are each other's best friend.

 

[FOG]

depends on what you mean by "best friend". If you mean as close as me and my GF are (time doesn't really count here because of long distance - i'm talking about confiding in each other and the depth of our interaction), yeah, that would make me uncomfortable. but if you mean it more loosely as in "i have five best friends" it wouldn't bother me if some of her "best friends" were guys.

 

[explodingboy]

I find as long as I know the best friend I don't have a problem at all. The only time I could see it causing issues is if she tried to keep them hidden from me.

 

[peanutbutter12]

My best friend is a female. In fact, most of my friends are female. My wife is fine with that; I wouldn't have married someone who didn't trust me or who had an issue with it anyway. One of my past girlfriends didn't like it too much and it became an issue despite the fact that it stopped at friendship. It was a needless and pointless argument and showed nothing more than a complete lack of trust in her case. In any event, my wife gets along great with my friends.

 

[chris414]

[post deleted]

 

[ImperialPhantom]

If he's 400 lbs and smells like sausage. Otherwise no, I don't want her having a male best friend. I'M supposed to be her male best friend (aside from family)

 

[tessas212]

*I* am my SO's absolute best friend of the opposite sex, however it certainly wouldn't bother me for him to have a very close girl friend. It would bother me if he was placing her before me or if she had more than friend interest in him, but I would never let myself get too overly jealous - I trust him, there's no reason I should be, and because jealousy can ruin relationships. I've seen it happen too many times.

 

[latteda]

I think that's dependent on several different factors, including what stage your relationship is in, how close the friends are vs. how close he is with you, whether or not they spend time alone one-on-one, whether or not you are invited to join in the friendship, etc.

My boyfriend works with men all the time...men with very high testosterone levels. In his off time, I can understand if he'd like to be around the opposite sex. His closest friend for a long time has been a girl, who is actually one of my very good friends and the person who introduced us. When we first started dating, it didn't bother me at all. Now it bothers me a little, but only when I feel like she is sharing in a part of his life that I'm not.