Why is it so hard to forgive myself?

[over the rainbow]

x

 

[RuthD]

What happened with me is that I literally got sick and tired of being sick and tired. It took awhile to come to that conclusion. Best wishes to you.

 

[119104]

Cindy,

I feel your pain. To me it is almost like the devil is in my head filling it with these doubts about myself. I have these thoughts daily in my walk with Christ. Well its more of a piggyback ride but you get the point. You must guard your heart and know that God's love can ecplise your own self loathing. Spend time in the word and find a fellowship that can help to guide you towards God's mercy. Faith and Patience.

Your Brother in Christ

 

[Theresasjourney]

Ya know I can't pinpoint the exact time I realized I was an ok likeable person and really felt it....it is a process just like our healing journey.
Our abusers planted negative messages into our wounded core self that says to us we are worthless and unloveable etc.
As a Christain the Holy spirit within you will help you reverse those inner messages...when they come up..pray against them.. then speak positive messages to yourself...write some out so you can read them to yourself. It is a slow process but can be done...it is a process of taking our power back and no longer allowing our abusers to have power over us through old messages etc.
Our abusers also stole from us the ability to cry and release our core pain..that also is a process...allowing yourself to cry..it is ok to cry now. Take back your power through Christ and cry...even Jesus cried.
Our abusers also taught us that we shouldn't show feelings of pain..so all is stuck inside in our core self...thus we physically abuse ourselves....to divert our pain elsewhere..and b/c we feel we deserve it.
Once you allow yourself to cry...to heal...you will self abuse less n less....
Having a wonderful Christian therapist helps alot also.....in Christ, Theresa

 

[never4now]

I totally agree with what Theresa said. I also have come to realize that it is not so much about "forgiving ourselves" but about learning to accept Christ's forgiveness, love and grace. It is hard for us to wrap our minds around as humans because we can not demonstrate the same love and grace by our own power.

Also as far as the negative view of yourself, I have written a blog on this, it is something I am also struggling with and recently beginning to overcome. There is an enormous freedom in breaking out of this. As others have said though, it is a process and does not happen over night. I wish you the best in your journey!

 

[over the rainbow]

x

 

[spazlegs]

Hey there. How we love by Milan and Kay Yerkovich; Boundaries by Cloud and Townsend and the Life Recovery Bible have really helped me. A couple more which once I remember, I will tell you about.

I don't know how your relationship with your father was, but I had to apply to God the Father to re-father me and teach me what it means for Him to be my father and to teach me how to be one myself. Once I was truly able to call Him daddy, then I knew I was His and loved by Him. I could then start to like and then love me.

 

[jasonsmith092]

I feel your pain. To me it is almost like the devil is in my head filling it with these doubts about myself. I have these thoughts daily in my walk with Christ. Well its more of a piggyback ride but you get the point. You must guard your heart and know that God's love can ecplise your own self loathing. Spend time in the word and find a fellowship that can help to guide you towards God's mercy. Faith and Patience.

 

[LaBarre]

Dear Cindy,

What do you have to forgive yourself for?

Do you blame yourself for the abuse?

If so, then you might have misdirected anger - anger at yourself instead of the abuser. For some funny reason, it's easier for us to do that.

I don't know when you will like yourself, or forgive yourself. Maybe you are like me, and when you blame the right person for what happened to you, then you'll be free. I always thought that I was born defective - and that people were allowed and expected to do things to me. Of course, I hated myself for being a "generic" human being, and didn't blame, or even realize that what was done to me was illegal. When I finally understood that THEY were the criminals, then I was free from self hatred and guilt.

God does not want you taking responsibility that doesn't belong to you.

I don't know if that helps; it's just something to think about.

LaBarre

 

[Johnnz]

I'm beginning to agree with all of you. A dear friend also wrote this answer to me:

"Spending time in God's word and prayer is healing to me in that the more I learn about Him and how *He* loves me and how *He* views me, the less important it becomes for me to love myself. In other words, His acceptance, forgiveness and love for me is complete. Once I grasp this, the need to forgive or love "self" begins to diminish and eventually just disappears. It is no longer important or necessary. I realize this is not healing in the way the world teaches it- it directly contradicts a lot of psychology, which is "man's" truth, not necessarily God's truth."

I think I've strayed away from reading and accepting God's Word in the past month. It IS much easier to just beat up on myself and stay stuck. But guilt does no good. Neither does focusing on the pain and "what ifs."

Thank you all for offering your words of encouragement and for reminding me to keep looking toward God.

Cindy

The security of God's love is so necessary for all of us. When we know that it provides a secure basis for us to accept ourselves and appreciate who we really are. Self love is not a very helpful term. God loves us because we are precious, lovable, unique people and we must try to understand what that means. Those are facts we need to accept about ourselves.

John
NZ

 

[FIC/forever]

I can connect with all you have said and done cause I like you couldn't forgive myself but I read 4 little books which opened my mind to who I really was in Christ, I realised that I was a beautiful child of God that I was free from condemnation. I recommend you read these books (free to be yourself, win the daily battle, Break free stay free and The you God planned) written by Steve Goss hope this helps, will be praying

 

[Thankful For Grace]

Dear Cindy,

You start liking yourself when you realize that God loved you enough to come to earth, Himself, in the form of man, to pay the price to redeem you from your sins. That is how much He loves You.

It is ok to forgive yourself, because God forgives you.

I stumbled across one of your posts, tonight, and began reading several of them--thus the replies to some of your older posts. You are on the right path. This path is a journey, and sometimes journeys can be long, difficult, and have some crooked turns and rocks along the way. Hang in there, Cindy--you are half-way home.

God bless you,

tfg

When do you start liking yourself?

I've been so mean to myself. I repeat over and over "I hate me." I don't take care of me. I get angry and punish myself mentally and physically. I don't listen to my pain, reach out or openly grieve when I need to cry.

When does the self-punishment end?

God has forgiven me.

Why is it so hard to forgive myself?

This isn't what God wants.

There must be some need to victimize myself over and over. Otherwise I would forgive myself, right?

Cindy

 

[over the rainbow]

x

 

[Johnnz]

Don't worry. Jesus is the way - the road you are driving on. He will ensure you always stay within his love for you.

John
NZ

 

[over the rainbow]

x

 

[Thankful For Grace]

Dear Cindy,

This is a response to all your responses to my posts in response to you . You are doing a good job, and I pray you will continue to seek and find God as you go forward on your journey. It is obvious that you have many friends and prayer partners on CF. You are on the right path.

Prayers for you, and Christ's love to you,

tfg

 

[over the rainbow]

x

 

[Thankful For Grace]

I know. Please forgive them. They are probably struggling just as much as you are--or, maybe not as much as you are, but still struggling in their own lives. Never forget that no matter how humans fail us, we always have the Friend above all friends, Jesus Christ.

Prov 18:24
24 A man that hath friends must shew himself friendly: and there is a friend that sticketh closer than a brother.
KJV

That Friend is our Lord and Savior, Who died for us because He loves us so much. Please be patient with your earthly friends. We are all only human, and fragile, and frail.

Prayers for you, Cindy. You deserve kindness. Thank you for being kind to me, and so many others.

God bless you,

tfg

Sometimes it's really hard to trust God when you find out that some of the people you thought were friends set out to hurt you terribly.

Thank you tfg for being kind to me.

Cindy

 

[over the rainbow]

x

 

[Thankful For Grace]

Dear lifewanderer,

Pain hurts--it just really does. Lies hurt, also. You are having a normal reaction. I am praying for you that you can forgive, for your own sake.

God's blessings and love to you,

tfg

You know what though? When you just find out that people who you thought were friends, who asked for forgiveness in a general way such as "for whatever I might have done", then you find out exactly the hurtful things they've done, it just hurts. It's like they didn't really confess; they just smoothed it over with another lie. By not admitting the exact nature of their wrongs, they are still lying and hurting. That in itself is also hurtful.

I'm finding out that the betrayal of people who you thought were friends hurts worse than people downright hating you and hurting you.

It's very hard to turn the other cheek because the pain hurts so much. Maybe down the road, but I found out again something just last night about another deliberate hurtful thing that person did against me on a public internet forum. It will take awhile for forgiveness. It's like ripping off a bandage again over a healing wound.

I do hear you though. I'm just being very human-like right now. I have to admit that I was furious last night and wrote many hurtful things on my blog. After calming down this morning, I just got to the root of it. I'm not angry so I edited my blog. I'm hurt. Very hurt.

I'll ask God to help me with forgiveness.

Thanks for listening.

Cindy