Why do some men minimise or deny the reality of domestic violence?

[Shadowprophet]

I counter this by saying, God made me how I am, I am a soft loving person, Not a hard man.. I am gentle, And I have been abused terribly by women in my life time. Why do women not admit that they are guilty of abuse as well? why do they not admit that this is a problem coming from both genders?

until this can be admitted, This issue is a one sided farce and I will not address it.

 

[Goodbook]

It goes back to adam and eve, when adam blamed eve for giving him the forbidden fruit snd then also, worse, blamed God for giving him a woman.

They have been at emnity ever since..and notice when they were banished from the garden, they didnt separate, because eves curse was a desire was for her husband to rule over her. Instead they were separated from God.

That is why we all need redemption, ie. A saviour- Jesus Christ. In Christ, we are one, neither male nor female.

 

[Circle Christ]

I counter this by saying, God made me how I am, I am a soft loving person, Not a hard man.. I am gentle, And I have been abused terribly by women in my life time. Why do women not admit that they are guilty of abuse as well? why do they not admit that this is a problem coming from both genders?

until this can be admitted, This issue is a one sided farce and I will not address it.

The links that have been added to this discussion all pertain to statistics of men being abused as well.

 

[LaSorcia]

Sadly, women sometimes deny the problem of domestic violence as well.

To state that it is mostly men committing domestic violence does not mean that men are never abused and women never abuse.

I read a horrible sad release from the FBI a few years ago, don't know where the site is now sorry, but it said that NEARLY ALL the mass murders committed in the USA were a man killing is gf/spouse or ex-gf/spouse and her kids and/or her other family members, often himself after. And actually, it was 99% of the mass murders that weren't stranger murders (going into a college/public place and firing away). This is real.

 

[Mudinyeri]

I see this happen time and time and time again.

The statistics are there. They're not invented and they're pretty frightening, when we look at the reality of what proportion of women are abused in their own home.

So why, instead of being outraged and working with us to eradicate this, do so many men seem to want to minimise or deny it?

I honestly don't understand what good comes of trying to pretend this isn't real.

That OP is a pretty big sweeping generalization. I don't know that I buy it.

Agreed, @AvilaSurfer The OP makes a sweeping generalization about "so many" men and then wonders why men might want to deny that domestic violence is real.

Odd.

FWIW, I don't know a single man who denies that domestic violence (to men or women) is real. Where does one find these "so many" men?

 

[Root of Jesse]

Start here? http://anrows.org.au/sites/default/files/Violence-Against-Australian-Women-Key-Statistics.pdf

I have to say that I have seen how men treat women in Australia, having been there several times and met many people. Women are astonished when an American man treats a woman with respect. This is not to say that American men don't abuse American women, but could some of it be cultural?

 

[Mudinyeri]

I have to say that I have seen how men treat women in Australia, having been there several times and met many people. Women are astonished when an American man treats a woman with respect. This is not to say that American men don't abuse American women, but could some of it be cultural?

I would venture that a large part of it is cultural. Keep in mind that "women as equals" is a relatively new concept in historical terms. For centuries, women were barely more than property.

 

[Hank77]

To maintain the narrative that family is good and holy, all evidence to the contrary must be rejected.

There are entire societies that literally make an idolatrous practice out of respect for family. It's taboo to say anything bad about your family publicly. It's just not done - but many horrible things are done behind closed doors.

Boy is this so true. Both in the church and in portions of our own society in the US.
The institution of marriage is more important than the souls trapped in that marriage.
The honor of the church is more important.
The honor of the family name is more important.

These attitudes do not glorify God, neither do they witness to the world that Christianity is the way. When we neglect to defend the weak in our own congregations how can we be believed to defend those who would come in?

 

[Widlast]

I see this happen time and time and time again.

The statistics are there. They're not invented and they're pretty frightening, when we look at the reality of what proportion of women are abused in their own home.

So why, instead of being outraged and working with us to eradicate this, do so many men seem to want to minimise or deny it?

I honestly don't understand what good comes of trying to pretend this isn't real.

First off, you paint with too broad a brush. Which men are you accusing of this? all men? men who "fit the description"?
Also, be aware that women also commit domestic violence, and not in small percentages of homes.

You first need to fix the real problem - PEOPLE ARE EVIL. Fix that and your pet issues will disappear.

 

[StanJ]

Well, speaking AS a man, I don't deny it. I've seen it with my own eyes and personally experienced it in the very first year of my marriage

 

[Mudinyeri]

... because eves curse was a desire was for her husband to rule over her.

That isn't quite how I read it (there's a conjunction in there) but the end result is the same - her husband shall rule over her. So, I guess the OP could blame Eve. After all, she was the one that gave in to the Devil's temptation and put women in the position where men would rule over them.

 

[jimmyjimmy]

I see this happen time and time and time again.

The statistics are there. They're not invented and they're pretty frightening, when we look at the reality of what proportion of women are abused in their own home.

So why, instead of being outraged and working with us to eradicate this, do so many men seem to want to minimise or deny it?

I honestly don't understand what good comes of trying to pretend this isn't real.

First, I think your thread title needs some work. If you wish to have an honest discussion here, don't accuse all men of this, or you won't be taken seriously.

I can think of one reason why "some" men might not care so much about domestic violence, and that is that some women play the victim to win arguments, gain sympathy, get custody of children, etc. Not all reports of abuse are real. In other words, some women simply lie about these things.

 

[rockytopva]

Smith Wigglesworth had a woman come to his meeting who told him that her husband was beating up on her. Smith Wiggleworth gave her the word of wisdom and she went home and cast the devil out of him. The next day this woman comes to service with her husband to testify on the delivering power of the Holy Spirit. Quite the incredible story!

 

[Goodbook]

well Eve blamed the devil. She was honest about being beguiled But Adam was told by God about the forbidden fruit, not Eve, so he deliberately disobeyed God AND blamed God. Eve, being beguiled, had only Adam's word to go on not God. It was adams sin that fell on mankind because he wasn't protecting her or stopping her.

Read Genesis again.
Notice Eve talked to the serpent and quoted what Adam had said to her, but when she gave Adam the fruit he didn't say a thing! He just ate it. He wasn't listening to God, he was listening to Eve.

Why should Eve's desire be for her husband, that he should rule over her? And her conception and sorrows be multiplied? Well think about it. If God hadn't had that happen - Eve would have kicked Adam to the curb, and lived on her own, and not have any children at all.
And Adam wouldn't have had to work for a living to provide for his children.

If Adam and Eve had followed God originally, Abel may not have been killed. Cain's line was ungodly, Seth, who was born to replace Abel, was the godly line who called upon the Lord. And ever since, there's been good and evil. Remember God's mercy in that he spared Cain. He could have smote him there and then.

 

[StanJ]

well Eve blamed the devil. She was honest about being beguiled But Adam was told by God about the forbidden fruit, not Eve, so he deliberately disobeyed God AND blamed God. Eve, being beguiled, had only Adam's word to go on not God. It was adams sin that fell on mankind because he wasn't protecting her or stopping her.

Read Genesis again.
Notice Eve talked to the serpent and quoted what Adam had said to her, but when she gave Adam the fruit he didn't say a thing! He just ate it. He wasn't listening to God, he was listening to Eve.

Why should Eve's desire be for her husband, that he should rule over her? And her conception and sorrows be multiplied? Well think about it. If God hadn't had that happen - Eve would have kicked Adam to the curb, and lived on her own, and not have any children at all.
And Adam wouldn't have had to work for a living to provide for his children.

If Adam and Eve had followed God originally, Abel may not have been killed. Cain's line was ungodly, Seth, who was born to replace Abel, was the godly line who called upon the Lord. And ever since, there's been good and evil. Remember God's mercy in that he spared Cain. He could have smote him there and then.

Actually, Eve embellished her story to the serpent. Can you figure out what her embellishment was?

 

[Goodbook]

Yea so anyway, if there is a culprit it is the devil and we aren't to be ignorant of his wiles. He is the father of lies. Why would some people deny abuse? Because they are liars, plain and simple. Both men and women do this, and the heart can be deceitful and wicked, people can also be self-deceived.

If you shine the light of truth in situations, make it easier for people to actually fess up, and be honest, then maybe you will see a lot more healing in these situations. Nothing can be done, nothing can be repented of if people are in denial.

In domestic situations, if one gets put away, often the spouse will have nowhere to live or have no option. They have put themselves into this situation by usually running away from their parents. So they think they can't go back home. I know one woman, continually complaining about her bf, yet she won't break up with him and go back to her parents. Its silly and stupid, but people would rather live in an abusive situation than say, 'I was wrong.'

 

[Goodbook]

Actually, Eve embellished her story to the serpent. Can you figure out what her embellishment was?

yes, can you?
She was just being extra careful. But we don't know what ADAM actually told her. We know what God said, but Adam could have added that extra bit, which Eve repeated.

Go back and read Genesis again. God 'commanded the man' -Eve wasn't even made yet when He spoke to Adam about the forbidden tree.

 

[skalle]

I like what I've seen of your posts so far, OP, but you are engaging in fallacious logic here. I am a man, and I certainly do not minimize or deny the existence of domestic violence. In fact, I consider myself a feminist. Please revise your post so that your real point may be discussed without this overshadowing fallacy.

 

[StanJ]

yes, can you?
She was just being extra careful. But we don't know what ADAM actually told her. We know what God said, but Adam could have added that extra bit, which Eve repeated.
Go back and read Genesis again. God 'commanded the man' -Eve wasn't even made yet when He spoke to Adam about the forbidden tree.

That's correct, so are you assuming that Adam sinned by adding to the message of what God said before Eve sinned?

 

[Paidiske]

I have to say that I have seen how men treat women in Australia, having been there several times and met many people. Women are astonished when an American man treats a woman with respect. This is not to say that American men don't abuse American women, but could some of it be cultural?

Australia is, in my experience, a very informal culture. I've noticed that some things that in other places would be "respectful" are treated with suspicion here as being too formal. I'm not sure that informality/respect is related to abuse though.

I like what I've seen of your posts so far, OP, but you are engaging in fallacious logic here. I am a man, and I certainly do not minimize or deny the existence of domestic violence. In fact, I consider myself a feminist. Please revise your post so that your real point may be discussed without this overshadowing fallacy.

I'm sorry, I don't understand the objection? I didn't claim that all men do this, just that there are men who do this, and I was asking why they do. Would it be better if I put a "some" in the title?