Why am I unable to change the way I think when before I could.

[jacquidube]

I have been separated from my husband for 19 months now. He has his own place and his own life now. 7 months after my husband left I met someone else. We have been together for 12 months obviously living in sin. He moved into my home pretty quickly.
Ever since my husband left I have been drinking wine daily. I dont really enjoy drinking it but I drink it anyway. Everyday I tell myself I will stop drinking the wine but everyday I fail. I dont know why I am failing when before I was such a strong christian woman.
What is wrong with me? Where has all my strength gone? Its like I have given up. Am I now addicted to wine instead of God? This new man in my life has lots of issues I guess I am coping with or just putting up with. I am not even sure if he is right for me but everytime he says he is going to leave me I ask him to stay. I thought I was stronger than this.

The man I am with has slept with lots of women, taken drugs in his lifetime but I can see the obvious affects it is having on his life. He has been in prison several times for a few long stretches because of his violent nature. He has never been violent towards me but he is very paranoid. I cant have friends or go out, even being on here he doesnt like. He watches over me all the time.

The wine makes me happy but I do not like drinking it. I want to be free. I want to be free from the relationship I am in too. I want to be free from my ex husband too because he does put on me alot. He asks for my car, money and he tells me constantly how to bring up our daughter even though I care for her 24/7.
I practically live in my bedroom asking God to help me but there seems to be too many obstacles in the way as mentioned above for me to even notice God is there.
What am I to do. I dont feel strong enough to change any of the above no matter how hard I try or think.

I must be an alcoholic. I dont drink until around 4pm or later but I am drinking over a bottle a day every day.

 

[PureDose]

I have been separated from my husband for 19 months now. He has his own place and his own life now. 7 months after my husband left I met someone else. We have been together for 12 months obviously living in sin. He moved into my home pretty quickly.
Ever since my husband left I have been drinking wine daily. I dont really enjoy drinking it but I drink it anyway. Everyday I tell myself I will stop drinking the wine but everyday I fail. I dont know why I am failing when before I was such a strong christian woman.
What is wrong with me? Where has all my strength gone? Its like I have given up. Am I now addicted to wine instead of God? This new man in my life has lots of issues I guess I am coping with or just putting up with. I am not even sure if he is right for me but everytime he says he is going to leave me I ask him to stay. I thought I was stronger than this.

The man I am with has slept with lots of women, taken drugs in his lifetime but I can see the obvious affects it is having on his life. He has been in prison several times for a few long stretches because of his violent nature. He has never been violent towards me but he is very paranoid. I cant have friends or go out, even being on here he doesnt like. He watches over me all the time.

The wine makes me happy but I do not like drinking it. I want to be free. I want to be free from the relationship I am in too. I want to be free from my ex husband too because he does put on me alot. He asks for my car, money and he tells me constantly how to bring up our daughter even though I care for her 24/7.
I practically live in my bedroom asking God to help me but there seems to be too many obstacles in the way as mentioned above for me to even notice God is there.
What am I to do. I dont feel strong enough to change any of the above no matter how hard I try or think.

I must be an alcoholic. I dont drink until around 4pm or later but I am drinking over a bottle a day every day.

Your current boyfriend sounds dangerous. That sort of paranoia starts out as controlling, but sooner or later his paranoid delusions will convince him you did wrong when you did not.

AA sounds like a good place for you to reboot.

That gives you a peer group committed to staying off alcohol.

Otherwise, you need to actively engage in discussing your problems underlying the abuse of alcohol. Alcohol abuse is a symptom.

 

[Joy]

The reason you are unable to change the way you think is because you have moved away from your relationship with God you need to return to Him. He is the One who you the power to change, because we cannot change ourselves.

I agree with PureDose your boyfriend sounds dangerous you need to get out of this unhealthy relationship and then get the right spiritual and emotional help.

 

[ezeric]

Here it is as plain as possible.

We all sin, we are all sinners.
Some sins go before a man (you can see them clearly, like your present boyfriend)
and some sins come from behind (they are hidden, but still there).

Ok, so we all sin - and you say "I know that already".

Galatians 5 and Romans 7 are saying what you are saying.
They basically say that there is a war going on, there is flesh and Spirit...or
the 'carnal mind' and the 'mind of CHRIST'.

When Adam and Eve fell, we were all put inside us (born with) this seed of sin.
So that you don't have to tell small children about swearing or lies they do them naturally.

Ok, trek with me here.

We (you and me, and many in this forum) have this new seed in us, this SPIRIT of JESUS connected (made alive) to our Spirits. The scripture says, that "he who joins himself to the LORD is ONE SPIRIT" isn't that Amazing? It doesn't say about sins or where you are in this walk it simply says they are ONE.

So here is the problem, you were born with wants / desires - that is love.
The problem is that this 'sin nature'/carnal mind or flesh (as the King James likes to call it) has its desires and they are not good...they try to convoke you that its helpful and good and a part of you likes it, but its not good and deep down you know it.

Kind of like your entire scene you are living in right now, you know its wrong.

Paul said 'every time he wanted to do good - sin was right there beside him'.
Romans 7

He also said that 'his will was to do good, but this law of sin warred against him causing him to fall'.

Paul then explains in Galatians 5 - that the SPIRIT fights against the flesh and the flesh fights against the SPIRIT - so (get this) you "Cant do what you want".

News Flash: "Jacquidube can't do what she wants".

Here's an example:

When you are led by LOVE (actually HIS LOVE) and do something good or loving to someone, and it is a 'good thing' a positive thing, or someone gets saved, or your prayers are answered (I know that might feel a long time ago, but you know its real). Well that good that is done or that person's life changing because of your love/prayer is NOT YOU!
You can't take credit like a saviour - because you know that you are not.

Well extend the same thinking with sin - its not you either!

"You can't do what you want"!

So how do we get to Roamns 8 from Romans 7?

How do we live the conquering life?

What ever we choose to 'put down' or 'put away' and while we are doing that we are looking (Inside) to the GOD who is the only ONE that can with POWER turn it around.
When we do that, we start to walk away from sin into real life.
We are duped thinking that the 'sin' is life - it is death, it is poison and the real LIFE is JESUS.

Now when you look to HIM it is HIS job to start to put that LOVE (THE REAL HIM) in those areas of your hurt and sin and pain - making you into the 'daughter of the KING' that you really are.

Its HIS work, not yours.

In fact you never had any choice in life, under the sin nature/flesh until you found JESUS when you actually had a free choice to choose - that doesn't happen until you find the LORD. The world only chooses sin, their NEW NATURE is only a spark (but even then, it does do some selfless things to) but its not until you receive the SPIRIT (like you have) that you are capable of really seeing things and making real choices.

The power comes from inside you (JESUS is really in you).
The burden is HIS (not yours) since you never signed up for all this as a baby.
GOD knows all that, HE has it all figured out "the Lamb slain before the foundation of the world" hallelujah!

Now if you can (with HIS strength and GRACE, because HE loves you, even now) make a few steps and turn to HIM each moment and believe that HE is in you and the power is active when you trust HIM - you will change.

Its not by your effort, no - remember you 'cant do what you want'.
Its HIS effort that will meet your (new) desire (love) for HIM.

Really what happens is that you have all these desires.
The sin nature/flesh (carnal mind) with its desires.
And the SPIRIT (JESUS connected with you) and HIS desires.

ITS the SPIRITS job to make you whole - your job to see yourself a princess, and whole.
Then you realize (real eyes) that HIS Power is there to meet you in GRACE (you don't deserve it) and to take the first steps through the parted water (sea).

Praying for you 'sis'.

LORD only you can make blind eyes see.
Help my sister here, living in hell, start to see
that she is still in you, and your kingdom is powerful everywhere.
It is LIGHT that shines in to darkness.
So that she can rest in a LOVE that doesn't condemn her,
and get up and walk with YOU into freedom, where she really wants to dwell.
Letting her know that it is "not by might, not by power, but by MY SPIRIT says the LORD".

-eric

The Exchanged Life

 

[jacquidube]

Here it is as plain as possible.

We all sin, we are all sinners.
Some sins go before a man (you can see them clearly, like your present boyfriend)
and some sins come from behind (they are hidden, but still there).

Ok, so we all sin - and you say "I know that already".

Galatians 5 and Romans 7 are saying what you are saying.
They basically say that there is a war going on, there is flesh and Spirit...or
the 'carnal mind' and the 'mind of CHRIST'.

When Adam and Eve fell, we were all put inside us (born with) this seed of sin.
So that you don't have to tell small children about swearing or lies they do them naturally.

Ok, trek with me here.

We (you and me, and many in this forum) have this new seed in us, this SPIRIT of JESUS connected (made alive) to our Spirits. The scripture says, that "he who joins himself to the LORD is ONE SPIRIT" isn't that Amazing? It doesn't say about sins or where you are in this walk it simply says they are ONE.

So here is the problem, you were born with wants / desires - that is love.
The problem is that this 'sin nature'/carnal mind or flesh (as the King James likes to call it) has its desires and they are not good...they try to convoke you that its helpful and good and a part of you likes it, but its not good and deep down you know it.

Kind of like your entire scene you are living in right now, you know its wrong.

Paul said 'every time he wanted to do good - sin was right there beside him'.
Romans 7

He also said that 'his will was to do good, but this law of sin warred against him causing him to fall'.

Paul then explains in Galatians 5 - that the SPIRIT fights against the flesh and the flesh fights against the SPIRIT - so (get this) you "Cant do what you want".

News Flash: "Jacquidube can't do what she wants".

Here's an example:

When you are led by LOVE (actually HIS LOVE) and do something good or loving to someone, and it is a 'good thing' a positive thing, or someone gets saved, or your prayers are answered (I know that might feel a long time ago, but you know its real). Well that good that is done or that person's life changing because of your love/prayer is NOT YOU!
You can't take credit like a saviour - because you know that you are not.

Well extend the same thinking with sin - its not you either!

"You can't do what you want"!

So how do we get to Roamns 8 from Romans 7?

How do we live the conquering life?

What ever we choose to 'put down' or 'put away' and while we are doing that we are looking (Inside) to the GOD who is the only ONE that can with POWER turn it around.
When we do that, we start to walk away from sin into real life.
We are duped thinking that the 'sin' is life - it is death, it is poison and the real LIFE is JESUS.

Now when you look to HIM it is HIS job to start to put that LOVE (THE REAL HIM) in those areas of your hurt and sin and pain - making you into the 'daughter of the KING' that you really are.

Its HIS work, not yours.

In fact you never had any choice in life, under the sin nature/flesh until you found JESUS when you actually had a free choice to choose - that doesn't happen until you find the LORD. The world only chooses sin, their NEW NATURE is only a spark (but even then, it does do some selfless things to) but its not until you receive the SPIRIT (like you have) that you are capable of really seeing things and making real choices.

The power comes from inside you (JESUS is really in you).
The burden is HIS (not yours) since you never signed up for all this as a baby.
GOD knows all that, HE has it all figured out "the Lamb slain before the foundation of the world" hallelujah!

Now if you can (with HIS strength and GRACE, because HE loves you, even now) make a few steps and turn to HIM each moment and believe that HE is in you and the power is active when you trust HIM - you will change.

Its not by your effort, no - remember you 'cant do what you want'.
Its HIS effort that will meet your (new) desire (love) for HIM.

Really what happens is that you have all these desires.
The sin nature/flesh (carnal mind) with its desires.
And the SPIRIT (JESUS connected with you) and HIS desires.

ITS the SPIRITS job to make you whole - your job to see yourself a princess, and whole.
Then you realize (real eyes) that HIS Power is there to meet you in GRACE (you don't deserve it) and to take the first steps through the parted water (sea).

Praying for you 'sis'.

LORD only you can make blind eyes see.
Help my sister here, living in hell, start to see
that she is still in you, and your kingdom is powerful everywhere.
It is LIGHT that shines in to darkness.
So that she can rest in a LOVE that doesn't condemn her,
and get up and walk with YOU into freedom, where she really wants to dwell.
Letting her know that it is "not by might, not by power, but by MY SPIRIT says the LORD".

-eric

The Exchanged Life

Thank you so much Eric. I am going to have a bath and think about what you said. I know there are alot of changes I must make to reconnect with God. I will get back to you once I have thought about the way forward. I know its not going to be easy because the battle is hard. Thank you for all you have wrote. Will be back shortly.

 

[Lotuspetal_uk]

I have been separated from my husband for 19 months now. He has his own place and his own life now. 7 months after my husband left I met someone else. We have been together for 12 months obviously living in sin. He moved into my home pretty quickly.
Ever since my husband left I have been drinking wine daily. I dont really enjoy drinking it but I drink it anyway. Everyday I tell myself I will stop drinking the wine but everyday I fail. I dont know why I am failing when before I was such a strong christian woman.
What is wrong with me? Where has all my strength gone? Its like I have given up. Am I now addicted to wine instead of God? This new man in my life has lots of issues I guess I am coping with or just putting up with. I am not even sure if he is right for me but everytime he says he is going to leave me I ask him to stay. I thought I was stronger than this.

The man I am with has slept with lots of women, taken drugs in his lifetime but I can see the obvious affects it is having on his life. He has been in prison several times for a few long stretches because of his violent nature. He has never been violent towards me but he is very paranoid. I cant have friends or go out, even being on here he doesnt like. He watches over me all the time.

The wine makes me happy but I do not like drinking it. I want to be free. I want to be free from the relationship I am in too. I want to be free from my ex husband too because he does put on me alot. He asks for my car, money and he tells me constantly how to bring up our daughter even though I care for her 24/7.
I practically live in my bedroom asking God to help me but there seems to be too many obstacles in the way as mentioned above for me to even notice God is there.
What am I to do. I dont feel strong enough to change any of the above no matter how hard I try or think.

I must be an alcoholic. I dont drink until around 4pm or later but I am drinking over a bottle a day every day.

I just prayed for you Jacqui.

Given your current circumstances, is there any way that you can contact a local Women's Aid centre? From just what you've written, alarm bells are going off in terms of your current boyfriend and the wine could be acting as a way of escaping your current circumstances. Are you in fellowship with a local church as well? Can they help you in any way?

You know, the Lord is always with you during the good and the bad days. The footprints in the sand poem comes to mind. He never goes back on His promises and He promised you that He would never leave nor forsake you. You will get through this - you've been bought at a price.

Believe in your spirit that you are not an alcoholic - I feel that the wine is more of a coping mechanism at this stage rather than an addiction but it would definitely be a good idea to book an appointment with your GP and see if you can get referred to any organisations that can help you at this stage.

Keeping you lifted.