studentinprayer
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- Mar 8, 2023
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Many vices can get justified by a loose subjective standard like ‘detrimental’ with low odds of recovery. Most pessimists feel that way in my experience. So I'd advise great caution in such a belief. Many unhealthy situations can be repaired even if they seem improbable.A failed marriage is any marriage that is detrimental to one or more spouses, and where there are no good prospects for a successful reconciliation. In my case, while divorce was definitely on the table, I treated it as a remedy of last resort. I was tired of being neglected and dissed by someone who was supposed to be my wife. I told her that either this improves or I'm done with the marriage.
In your particular experience though you mentioned intentional neglect & feeling tricked was a major factor. And I agree that is a pretty clear sign of something fundamentally out of place. I would feel similarly in those circumstances and whenever one or both ignores their vows to the point of intentional neglect, one should question if they ever intended their vows. We can’t be tricked into marriage and the vow require both people. So there we certainly agree more than disagree.
There is of course a question if one could grow into neglect and mistreatment through a sickness, perhaps, clinical depression. Even then, I have known those in dire depression and even in that volatile state neglecting a spouse would be odd summarization. Now, wanting to leave a sick spouse is something often tempting but ultimately wrong, so at least worth considering in such circumstances.
I’d say, a marriage exists in the first place? To raise children and to address the human need to overcome their inherent loneliness/isolation. But, to me that question is too abstract to be meaningful and I would instead ask if the marriage was valid.As for whether it is good to divorce for reasons not involving abuse, neglect, etc: why does marriage exist in the first place? Does marriage exist for its own sake? Some people seem to think divorce is this awful, horrendous thing and that marriage is this sacred cow, but I don't see it that way. Jesus didn't die on a cross to save marriage. He died to save people.
Did both understand the commitment? Did both consent to the commitment? Was it free of cohesion? Was the real motives for another purpose than to becoming one perhaps love, money or status? Was there a fundamental change? Have the terms been grievously violated?
Does marriage exist for its own sake? Is to me a dangerous question for those in that situation.
We should recognize even the dire estranged married couples as that is how you heal something that is sick.
There certainly untreatable sick married couples, but assuming that the current situation cannot change is never a path to mend the broken.
Some people seem to think divorce is this awful, horrendous thing and that marriage is this sacred cow, but I don't see it that way.
I would very much defend it is sacred. If one wants to marry but doesn’t consider it sacred or a divorce a horrendous thing that leaves deep wounds -- I'd very much question if they are even able to marry. No doubt God will choose people over the sacred, but make no mistake there are consquences to not be vigilante to it and those who would give their lives to protect it are blessed.
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