When will I be normal again?

[dily4ever]

Everytime I hear my friends' stories about their vacations/birthday celebrations/family outings and see their happy photos. I just feel so forsaken and forgotten by God and by this world. I have lots of vacation leave, but no trips to plan...I have so much free time after work, but no one to spend it with...

I tell myself that it will be the story of my life from now till the end...days of loneliness, days without anyone to share with, endless days of being with me and myself. I spent so many weekends without having a chance to say a word to anyone, because I don't even make it out of my house. But come Monday, I am "normal" once again...I go to work, I laugh with my colleagues, I complain about work...but at the end of the work day, I just feel so exhausted...many times, my tears just flowed on my way home...

Life is meaningless. I wish I have a chance at happiness and normacy once again...but I guess it will remain just wishful thinking...

 

[memoriesbymichelle]

I don't know how long it has been for you, but sometimes it just takes time. Sometimes it takes real action on your part, sometimes forcing yourself to do more for yourself. There IS something to live for, if you are a Christian, though. Our Lord! I personally believe it will only be a few years before he returns and then.....then we will be with our Lord forever! AND a bonus to that is that we will see our loved ones again! There is a reason you are here, you have a purpose planned by God. I know it doesn't seem like it, and it surely doesn't seem fair, but we do not know all that God knows or has planned for us. Try praying to God about that purpose, and in the mean time maybe try to get involved in some type of ministry where you can help someone else somehow. My prayer for you is that God will comfort you in your sorrow. What I learned so far from my experience with losing my husband, is that the Bible IS true, and everything that we go thru, God goes thru too. I lost my husband, Jesus (God's son) was hung on a cross! I have wept for my husband, and been lonely...Jesus wept for us, and was lonely too. I read the book "Wild at heart" and it really helped me to understand God more and what he wants from us. We were created to glorify God, not for Him to please us. I can't say we will ever be "normal" again, but we DO have a purpose and we can be useful vessels if we choose. God Bless!

 

[dily4ever]

Thank you for your encouragement, memoriesbymichelle. Anyway, it has been 2 years 2 months.

 

[pammie54]

We have to define a new normal for ourselves. We will never have what we had but that doesn't mean our Lord wants us to stay where we are. I feel that God has so much in store for us. He has gifted us, so to speak ,to share our pain to comfort others. I have come across so many widows in these last 4 years. That can't be by mistake. I know He is collecting every tear. It matters to Him that I feel so much pain. And one blessed day...... Praise God I will see Him face to face!!!!

 

[singingwife]

You said it better than I could, Pammie. That's what I'm in the process of doing; finding a new normal. I was, in fact, defining "new normals" when my dh was getting sicker, and planning to celebrate every milestone of him getting better once he'd be diagnosed; be it eating a meal at the table together, sleeping through the night, going for a short walk or drive together, going to church together, and the like. Now, it's different.
Dily4ever, I wish you and I could go for coffee together, as a start. But this forum is a nice start to connecting with others as well. I guess we could call that "e-coffee"? Praying for you.

 

[nanajojothatsme]

so sorry for your loss, I know what you are saying, and I am only into the 2nd monrh of my loss of my husband
I try to get out as much as possible , I have a few friends and a neighbor and my children to go to
but I do like the peace for awhile at home
it is the evenings that are rough, that is when we need to get out to pass the time faster.
if only to the store or volunteer for something
sure wish I had a church that has services at nite

 

[HisMama]

Hi--I am new to this board. Today is 11 months for me. My husband died very suddenly of a MRSA infection. The week before we were in California on Spring Break with our daughter. How surreal it seemed to be picking out his casket when only a week earlier we were strolling hand in hand through Disneyland.

I totally relate to what you are saying. I often feel like I am benched on the sidelines watching everyone else having fun playing life.

Satan's intent is to crush our spirits through our painful losses but God can use this season of grief to draw us closer to Him. It is painful and it seems so unfair, but it does have tremendous meaning if we are willing to let God show his glory through it.

(((HUGS)))

 

[FlyingUnicorn]

I'm there as well, my husband was killed 3 months ago this Thursday. I have my two young children and these twins I'm expecting that keep me going, but it's still very hard.

 

[GailMc]

Dear Dilly - Normal is a cycle on the washing machine. It's been 23 years for me. My hubby killed himself. At the time I was sooooooo angry I was grateful it was the girlfriend who found him. He wasn't a Christian. I still get angry at the damage his choices made in our lives. Be grateful you have some love you shared to use to get you through. Some don't leave any behind.

Peace and all good,

Gail

 

[GailMc]

P.S. Being a Widow for God is a beautiful thing actually. Check your Bible and some of the stories of the Saints and you will find help for your walk should you choose to remain a widow for life. I did. Jesus walks with us wherever we go. I'm His and He is mine. It really is awesome. But sometimes guys come along trying to break that bond between me and Him. Mostly I just tell them to get lost.

Peace and all good,

Gail

P.P.S. Being poor and ugly helps too.

 

[FallingWaters]

P.S. Being a Widow for God is a beautiful thing actually. Check your Bible and some of the stories of the Saints and you will find help for your walk should you choose to remain a widow for life. I did. Jesus walks with us wherever we go. I'm His and He is mine. It really is awesome....

That is great encouragement.

I lost my husband 9.5 months ago.
He died unexpectedly... only 50 years old.
My life as I knew it is coming to an end as I prepare to enter the full-time work force for the first time in 30 years.
But Jesus has been faithful and good to me, as I have walked through this and I am looking forward to glorious victory in Him... as He brings glory to Himself through my life.

 

[kbear10_99]

I feel the same way at times. It has been 8 years and I've had my ups and downs over the years, I'm in a down kind of way this year but I will keep praying and say a prayer for you too.

 

[memoriesbymichelle]

Its been 6 years for me. My life is SO different than I ever expected. Not terrible because I have God, but surely not the way I thought it would be before or after my husband died.

 

[ComesoonmyLORD]

Always remember, God put us here to Finish the race, not just to start it. You WILL see your love again, but next time in eternity. Press On!

 

[Christianwidow]

Always remember, God put us here to Finish the race, not just to start it. You WILL see your love again, but next time in eternity. Press On!

Encouraging words, ComesoonmyLORD. No matter how long it's been (for me 10 years), it is still words we all need to hear. Thank you. I have chosen to Press On for Christ. I can't say there haven't been days where I just wanted to go Home, but we are in a race and we must finish. Christ did, and we must too.

Christian Widow

 

[memoriesbymichelle]

 

[awyomingman]

We have to define a new normal for ourselves. We will never have what we had but that doesn't mean our Lord wants us to stay where we are. I feel that God has so much in store for us.

My wife went home on October 2. She was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer on August 20. I am still in a daze. She and I were and will always be best friends. I know the road I have to travel is going to be difficult. I am not angry at God. These things come from the other camp. The only thing I know now more than ever is God is in control and I have to trust in him. I miss my best friend a lot but the tears of sorrow still are flowing and my heart is crushed.

Pammie54 thank for this post it definately spoke to my heart.

Bill

 

[Christianwidow]

Awyomingman, the sorrow you are feeling right now, the tears that are streaming down your face, will, in time, fade. The loss of your precious wife is so very fresh for you right now. One thing you said is so true. You know more than ever that God is in control and you have to trust Him. I know the ache that you are feeling in your heart. Each and every person that gets on this forum knows what you are going through. We ache for you. There are going to be days when you aren't going to believe that your best friend is gone. There are going to be days when you will be fine. You will go places and see things that you and your wife use to go, use to do. You will probably walk around like a zombie, not wanting to talk to anyone, not wanting to be with anyone. This too is going to pass. For some, it is a short time. For others, like myself, it will take a very long time. It took me ten years to finally give in to God's plan for me. My husband also died of pancreatic cancer. He was diagnosed in June, 2000 and went Home to be with the Lord in January, 2001. He was my very best friend. I didn't want to go on without him. He was the love of my life. He was the best husband in the whole wide world. I know the only way I got through the mourning was with the Lord. He has been with me from the beginning and will continue to direct my paths because I have chosen to let Him. I never thought I would say I enjoy being a widow, but I honestly do. I have my Savior, Jesus Christ, with me at all times. Again, it took me ten years to get to where I am today, but I am grateful to the Lord that He allowed me to go on this pilgrimage. It has allowed me to fall more in love with Him.

May the peace which passes all understanding be with you, Awyomingman.

Christian Widow

 

[memoriesbymichelle]

My wife went home on October 2. She was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer on August 20. I am still in a daze. She and I were and will always be best friends. I know the road I have to travel is going to be difficult. I am not angry at God. These things come from the other camp. The only thing I know now more than ever is God is in control and I have to trust in him. I miss my best friend a lot but the tears of sorrow still are flowing and my heart is crushed.

Pammie54 thank for this post it definately spoke to my heart.

Bill

It takes awhile to get thru the daze. However long it takes you, is perfectly fine. I'm glad you are not angry with God and realize his control. It still doesn't make it any easier though because we can't understand why. Alot of us here understand how you feel to a degree. My prayer for you is that you do continue to trust in God. I know you miss your best friend, I do too. Your best friend would want you to continue on, on the journey that God has for YOU as we all have our own journies in this life. I take comfort in the fact that I know I will see my husband again, that in Christ, there are no good-byes. I hope you feel this way too.