When we forgive, it’s better to avoid saying ‘it never happened’

[Michie]

We sometimes hear the admonition that we should “forgive and forget.” The implication is that authentic forgiveness of a transgression necessarily implies forgetting the offense. For example, when someone expresses regret for some harm, we might say, “It’s already forgotten.” Obversely, we might feel compelled to tell the offending party to banish the deed from his mind. As we (claim to) forgive the offense, we encourage the offender to forget it. “It never happened,” we might say.

There’s a certain psychological comfort to this exchange. As the offender, I want to be exonerated. But I also want to feel that the person I have harmed holds no residual anger or grudge held against me. Thus, I want him to forget the offense. Conversely, the offended party wants the transgressor to know that his pardon is authentic and permanent. Thus, forgetting seems to be a constituent aspect of forgiveness, on both sides of the offending equation.

Memory is part of morality​

Continued below.

When we forgive, it's better to avoid saying 'it never happened'

We sometimes hear it said that we should “forgive and forget.” The implication is that authentic forgiveness necessarily implies forgetting the offense. Yet remembering can help both parties become better people. Theologian Kenneth Craycraft argues that we should forgive, yes. But never forget.

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