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When pain becomes too much.

Discussion in 'Chronic Pain & Arthritis' started by Armistead14, Apr 22, 2010.

  1. Armistead14

    Armistead14 Newbie

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    I've suffered from CRPS, also known as RSD, but mine is systemic throughout most of my body.

    I can only liken it to having irons on your body or go outside in below freezing weather naked and stay until you think your frozen burnt, but can never leave. It's also called the suicide disease. The skin becomes so hypersensitive for someone to breath on my skin would cause pain. Can't take showers, ect...

    You fight for your life just to survive another day. There is little joy. Before it got me I had a nice home, business, wife and kids..we had the best life.

    In time the business went as I tried to still work it. I should've went on disability a few years ago, but we lived off savings, hoping I would get better. I had a relapse that took me out. I couldn't even use my disability that I paid for because I didn't pay myself the last quarter...didn't know.

    I wait for SS, but probably a few years the way it progresses in NC. My wife is disabled from 4 back operations, but gets around.

    We've about lost everything. Next to go will be our home. Family buys us basic needs, but none have money. It was a terrible change, one I wasn't ready for at 41 when it started.

    I have nights that I have cussed God and begged him to kill me. Like many with this illness I fight suicide, not wanting it, just no quality of life to want to live.

    Even as bad as pain is nothing is worse than watching your family suffer so in poverty. You want to change it, but can't. Walls come up. My wife loves me, but I know she must be at her wits end dealing with this. She stresses everyday on just how we eat.

    How do you that deal with pain make it with your loved ones. I'm to the point to let my wife go so she may could later find a better life and maybe it's just time for me to let go and move on.
     
  2. Criada

    Criada <b> Recovery Co-manager </b><br><b>Moderation & St Staff Member Supporter Staff on LOA Angels Team CF Ambassador

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    I am so sorry you are facing all this on top of the pain.
    I don't have any advice, but, I just wanted to say that your wife has stuck with you because she loves you... I suspect that she would be devastated if you 'let her go'.
    Praying for you and your family.
     
  3. pumanator

    pumanator Veteran

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    If you don't have an SSI attorney you should seek one out...I am not sure how it works but I think they get paid by SSI if you have a ligit case and it can move the process along much faster.

    There have been nights I have wished God would take me home but even though we can't do what we want for our families they love us and still need us...if we were to take our lives it would leave a huge amount of wreckage in their lives and I really don't want to have to explain to the Lord why I am early or worse, to not here "good and faithful servant, enter in". No one is sure how the sin of suicide would be looked upon by the Lord...He has promised us a new body to spend eternity with Him without pain. This life is short and hard but eternity....well...He will wipe away every tear.
     
  4. peacedweller

    peacedweller Guest

    so sorry for your pain. from a woman's side of chronic, deep seeded, debilitating pain, i understand how you feeling and the toll it takes on our lives, as well as those around us.

    unable to type much tonight due to pain level....but my heart & prayers are with you and your family.
     
  5. One day at a time

    One day at a time Always in a state of change.....

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    I'm sorry to hear about your problem and your pain. I too have chronic pain--probably along the line of your wife (back surgery--spinal fusion--with more surgeries to come) I can't get out much and everything in our life has to be planned. Because of all of this we too have come to financial ruin (so to speak)...the only thing is we don't even own our home we rent and are just praising God we have a landlord that understands.
    As I read your story it reminded me of Job. He could have told his wife to leave--go have a better life....but because your wife is still around...she loves you...I pray that you will be encouraged and see what God is going to do in your life. Surely He has something special for your life. I know I can give you all the same platitudes that people like to say... so I won't even though I truly believe them....but only you can come to that point about them.
    As far as disability goes....try and go for it...get a lawyer (that is what I did) and in time (and it does take time) you should get it....I pray that God will work mightily on your behalf!
    What about a church? Do you have a home church that could help you out?
    I will pray for you :prayer: :hug:
     
    pumanator likes this.
  6. Peachiemom22

    Peachiemom22 Newbie

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    Hello I read you message and felt that I found someone that feels the same as me. I was sad that there is others that feel (RSD):kiss:. The pain never gives you a break. You don't want to die, you just want a break. I stopped take medication some time ago to treat the pain as the side effects of the medications where not helpful. Didn't want to be drugged out of my mind. I tried many things to treat the pain. I too have begged God to stop the pain and been angry that it has not. Suicide is it or is me sticking around in pain every day selfish for others to think I should?
    discouraged beyond words.
    Peachiemom22
     
    Last edited: Nov 12, 2011
  7. Erth

    Erth The last(?!) unapologetic Christian

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    I'm sorry that you are in pain. I have suffered from chronic pain myself so I know what it's like.

    But your post is unintelligible. The way to use abbreviations goes like this I think: The first time you use one you bracket it after you've written the abbreviated words in full text. The next time you want to use those words in the same text you can just type the abbreviation, if you have already explained it, that is. But if you haven't then there's just no way that the reader can be sure to get your message.

    I hope you get well soon.

    P.S. I see at least four abbreviations that need to be explained.
     
  8. Peachiemom22

    Peachiemom22 Newbie

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    I guess I wasn't expecting a grammar lesson in response to my message.:idea:
     
  9. Erth

    Erth The last(?!) unapologetic Christian

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    It's not a grammar lesson and it wasn't a response to your post, but to the first post in this thread.

    I wrote it in this thread because the concern of the poster concerns me and interests me, but it appears to be a common problem. If you throw around acronyms frequently without explaining yourself then sure, indirectly you should also take it into consideration to change, I guess. By typing out just a few more characters, something that will only take you a few seconds at the most, you can save many minutes of time each for all the potential readers of your entries, who otherwise have to sift through a bunch of possible meanings for each acronym.

    On the internet the time it takes for readers can be multiplied tens, hundreds or many thousands of times depending on where you're posting, but even if you only expect one reader, you can always save minutes for your neighbour by typing out just a few more characters.

    I say it's worth it and that it can even be considered right to do so, morally as well as just functionally. If saving time for others doesn't make a difference to you, you can always try considering how it defeats the purpose of posting in the first place to write stuff that almost noone really understands, or stuff that's too much work for a lot of people to try to understand. A lot of people feel that they're inadequate when they see something they don't understand and just turn in the door to go somewhere else.

    And as I said, I pointed it out here because I was interested in reading the post, but gave up. When you see way too many acronyms that you don't understand it really is too much work.
     
  10. Chaplain David

    Chaplain David CF Chaplain Staff Member Supporter Chaplain

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    Hi,

    I was in the military and we used a lot of acronyms. No one else knew what they meant LOL. I don't know what yours mean either and would like to know. I'm in chronic pain from a couple of things and am going to go to a pain clinic because frankly, I'm just plain tired of living with +10 pain (scale is usually 1 to 10 with 10 being the worst) much of the time.

    Looking forward to reading this thread. God bless you and everyone here.
     
  11. Peachiemom22

    Peachiemom22 Newbie

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    Thank you for you reply. I am sorry you are in pain too and that was what I was saying also. I have been in chronic pain for 11 years now and feel I have reached my limit. I love my family but feel their life could be richer if I was no longer here. I have done the pain clinics and the lists of medications and now I take nothing. Recently I just lost my dad. My dad died as a result of his use of asbestos. I am finding life too difficult to manage.
    Peachiemom:ouch:
     
  12. Erth

    Erth The last(?!) unapologetic Christian

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    Please don't feel that others would be better off if you were no longer there. It makes me so sad to hear you say that.
     
  13. Peachiemom22

    Peachiemom22 Newbie

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    I am sorry if i made you sad. The reality is that I feel this way and have for a very long time. No escape from the pain can make you feel this way.
    Peachiemom
     
  14. Erth

    Erth The last(?!) unapologetic Christian

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    Well that's seriously not something you should be sorry for. I cried rivers during the time that I turned around to face Jesus and it was not a bad thing. I just don't think that suicide is a good option at all.
     
  15. Live In Stereo

    Live In Stereo Newbie

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    i too have chronic pain, but seems mild compared to these posts. Praying fro you all.
     
  16. Anessa14

    Anessa14 Guest

    it only takes one moment to look it up- however, I cannot post links here.

    Chronic Regional Pain Syndrome Reflex Sympathetic Dystrophy

    if you mouse over those words, or copy & paste to a browser, you'll quickly find them linked & described as: Reflex sympathetic dystrophy (RSD), also known as CRPS, is a chronic progressive neurological condition that affects skin, muscles, joints, and bones. The syndrome usually develops in an injured limb, such as a broken leg. However, many cases of RSD involve only a minor, seemingly inconsequential injury, such as a sprain. And in some cases, no precipitating event can be identified.

    Pain may begin in one area or limb and then spread to other limbs. RSD/CRPS is characterized by various degrees of burning pain, excessive sweating, swelling, and extreme sensitivity to touch. Symptoms of RSD/CRPS may recede for years and then reappear with a new injury.
     
  17. daisy mae

    daisy mae Newbie

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    I too am a chronic pain patient. I am 35 and on permanent disability. Having 3 small children and a husband is a challenge some days but most are blessings.
    The pain we feel is impossible for those who don't suffer as we do to understand. I pray for everyone in this thread. Everyday I ask for strength to deal with my pain and pray for patience, as my pain makes me more impatient and easily angered sometimes.
    Pain is very difficult to live with, nearly impossible when you have it 24/7. I can understand the passing thoughts of suicide, thinking people would be better off without you BUT..that is the pain speaking, NOT you. Know what I mean? You are one of God's children and He loves us so much. Please always remember that. On my really bad days when I am angry I tell God, I don't hold it in (not like He doesn't know anyways..haha) but I feel better 'getting it off my chest' and giving it to God.
    God Bless you all and know that your darkest hour isn't one alone, He is always there with you.
    Love to all, xo:groupray:
     
  18. elkhunter64

    elkhunter64 Guest

    I am 47 and have had 11 surgeries for different injuries. Mainly low back and shoulder. I have been off work for 5 of the last 8 years. I do have a lot of pain but not the degree you are dealing with. I have learned that in times like this a wife and husband lean on one another. I have felt the same way about letting my wife move on to a better life but she would never do it. We have been married for 28 years and she isn't giving up now. Spend time with your wife seeking the Lord and His direction for your like and healing. Also you need to find a disability attorney. They will help you get disability. That will really help make life easier. I pray you get the help you need and for your healing.
     
  19. pumanator

    pumanator Veteran

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    something my OD shared with me when I said to him, "you have been to the sand box(Iraq) 3 times since I started coming to see you and I feel like such a dutz with my pains from injuries and you litterally are putting(army surgeon) humty dumpty back together with the work you do for our service ppl who have lost so much". He said, "Its all relative...everyone experience is different, you pain is not theirs and visa versa. Each person has to own their pain and except it for what it is".
    What would kill one of us another can handle as God does not give us more than we can handle...of course if we attempt to go without Him then it becomes way more than we can handle.

    As always...prayers for those and their families represented here in this thread.
     
  20. drjean

    drjean Senior Veteran Supporter Angels Team CF Ambassador

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    How are you doing Anessa14? (BTW I knew what you were talking about! :D)

    I have CMP, neuropathy, TMD... etc.

    Yes, I doubt there is a chronic pain patient alive that hasn't wished for death. I went the first 9 years of a disabling injury without any medications at all, in fact, without a medical manager MD!!!! But I'm still here and doing much better (new MD, great clinical psychologist, wonderful PT... oral surgeon, DMD orthodontist, neuro opthalomologist... hmmm did I leave some out???)

    When all one does is manage pain, it does beg the question of why stick around....! But there is better in the future. No, if someone had told me that in 25 years down the road I would be where I am today, I probably wouldn't have made it..but with the support team of doctors I have, I can.

    (Of course I say that on a lower pain day than normal... and normal fatigue day).

    If you're still around... how about an update?