What are you looking for in a spouse... in reverse

[renaistre]

The question "what do you look for..." has been asked so many times that we could make a book out of the answers. So here's the opposite side of the coin. What have you done, what are you doing, and what do you think you still need to do to improve yourself while you are in the single stage of life. I'm thinking primarily of the things that would be related to improving your chances or quality of marriage, but I'd be interested to hear other things too.

I guess the general point of this question is to help me and other people get ideas and motivation on how to wisely spend our single time of life.

 

[WITNESS8]

Hmmm....

Things I need to do (not in order of importance):
1. Respect male figures in my life better.
2. Learn patience.
3. Love for real.
4. Pray more.
5. Study the Word more.
6. Hmmm....I am sure there is something else....

 

[awashinlove]

Yeesh, I have a thousand rough edges I need to let God polish down. I firstly must grow closer to God and firmly stand in Him alone, making him the center of my life and identity now so he can be the center of my marriage from day one. I'd also like to learn how to completely surrender to a gentle spirit and blind love, how to fully offer myself to others, making every choice revolve around Jesus Christ's command to serve selflessly before I make my vows, and how to put priority on seeking his guidance. Once these things are in place I think everything else will stem from there.

Blessings,
awashinlove

 

[Willseeker]

I'd also like to learn how to completely surrender to a gentle spirit and blind love

Definitely this one, because i find it hard to surrender to men... (Probably a good thing so far, but i know that it's expected when he's a child of God...)

I would also like to RELAX and have a blind love, because i always tend to find all his faults... and to help him to the extent that it becomes only my problem!

I would like to keep respecting him. As soon as i get into a relationship, i tend to loose respect, because suddenly it seems as if he's not as great as i innitially thought!

I would like to be able to trust men! To the extent that i can really talk about my feelings without worrying about troubling him with my issues...

Hmm..., there are too many things... I'm probably just meant to be a loner, because then i can be my loving, caring self! At the moment i can probably only handle men as friends, because relationships has proved to be way too complicated... (It only seems simple when someone else is in a relationship.)

 

[Linus]

Well, a list of things that I should improve about myself would be longer than the wish list to Santa from all the children in world..but to break it down briefly:

* Focus more on God, pray more, praise more, study more, trust more. If I would do that, I would be more and more Christ-Like and to be Christ-like is to be a better boyfriend, husband, father.

* I'm working out a lot, shootfighting, long speedy walks. Good health and good looks is important, not as important as inner beauty but marriage is partly a physical union. God made it that way. So we MUST find our mate attractive in that way. It is good to do so. If we don't, it hurts us and them. We need to find a person physically attractive, spiritually at one with us, and certainly one with whom we can have a life-long friendship and trust. This cannot be faked. If we try, things go down hill fast.

* I study Law, so I can get a job that I will like and also be able to provide for a family

 

[Mission26]

I need to learn when to be quiet.. when men are upset they dont want a girl going on and on.. I want to be more quiet =)

 

[spinningwheelgirl]

I feel like I still need God's healing before I can get married. I need to learn that ultimately it is only God that can fullfil my deepest needs and that no human can do that.

 

[spinningwheelgirl]

Definitely this one, because i find it hard to surrender to men... (Probably a good thing so far, but i know that it's expected when he's a child of God...)

I would also like to RELAX and have a blind love, because i always tend to find all his faults... and to help him to the extent that it becomes only my problem!

I think that you miss understood what Asashinlove was saying she was talking about a blind love towards God.
We should not have a blind love towords our spouse, because it could lead to a bad situation, such as staying in an abusive relationship. Even if that is not the case we still need to aknowledge that who ever we marry is not going to be perfect and is going to do things that we don't like. If we just ecnore the situation we are going to become resentful of our spouse. We are called to love our spouse in what every situation we are in, but that love is to be with open eyes.

 

[Tuffguy]

The question "what do you look for..." has been asked so many times that we could make a book out of the answers. So here's the opposite side of the coin. What have you done, what are you doing, and what do you think you still need to do to improve yourself while you are in the single stage of life. I'm thinking primarily of the things that would be related to improving your chances or quality of marriage, but I'd be interested to hear other things too.

I guess the general point of this question is to help me and other people get ideas and motivation on how to wisely spend our single time of life.

What i have done...
Gotten myself a good education, i can work almost anywhere and survive on one income.
What i need to do..
Progress more in my faith. Get to the point where i would be a good example to a child.

 

[treerootbill]

Work hard and continue to earn money. Meet more women.

 

[RefinedByFire]

I need to learn when to be quiet.. when men are upset they dont want a girl going on and on.. I want to be more quiet =)

Wow. I never thought I'd ever see the day that a woman would admit this.

 

[WITNESS8]

Hmmm....

 

[vibrant]

learn to love and do good even when i don't feel like it; to die to self, and love sacrifically.

 

[none the wiser]

-I need to trust easier
-I need to stop expecting so much of myself and others. Life isn't perfect and the sooner I get that through my head the better.
-I need to start feeling comfortable around guys that are attracted to me. While they are few and far between, I always get scared and push them away asap.
-I need to stop hiding. I've gotten awfully good at blending into the crowd.
-I need to grow some self confidence lol.
-I need to stop talking myself out of feeling things. Trust my emotions more.
-I need to stop being so quiet lol. I realized a few days ago I let people talk over me too much, and usually turn the conversation to them.

 

[renaistre]

Thanks for all your answers peoples. Lots of good stuff to think about.

I suppose I should add my list too:

- I am almost done with my degree, which is a requirement for a job in my field.
- I have tried to stay physically fit as my school and work have taken up more of my time. I'd have to give that effort about a B- grade though.
- I need to work on my conversational skills.
- I also need to learn to manage my time better.
- In the past I've done a fair amount of Bible study, but I haven't done any serious study for a while now. I need to get back into that.

 

[JPPT1974]

-I need to trust easier
-I need to stop expecting so much of myself and others. Life isn't perfect and the sooner I get that through my head the better.
-I need to start feeling comfortable around guys that are attracted to me. While they are few and far between, I always get scared and push them away asap.
-I need to stop hiding. I've gotten awfully good at blending into the crowd.
-I need to grow some self confidence lol.
-I need to stop talking myself out of feeling things. Trust my emotions more.
-I need to stop being so quiet lol. I realized a few days ago I let people talk over me too much, and usually turn the conversation to them.

You took the words out of my mouth that I ought to sue you! Nah Just Kidding! You and I have a lot in common my friend! You really do share my interests.

 

[goodgirl]

Been thinking bout this since 9th grade when my Bible teacher said "Be who you want to marry." ...

Got a good education, good job so I can afford not to marry for money LOL, try to keep myself presentable tho I need to whip myself back into shape (whither discipline??). Have worked to have a good character.

Need to: stop being such a SLOB and such a disorganized lil procrastinator
- keep working on the financial aspects
- as mentioned, get back into shape
- learn to trust more, emotionally speaking... lately realized I have deep issues with that. a bit late to be finding out LOL. Gotta clear up the security issues.
- Decide which master I'm gonna serve... I'm happy being accomplished, sophisticated etc. and I work to portray that, but I don't work as hard on showing my spiritual side. So I bet I'm missing some good Christian men who don't think I'm really serious about my walk with Christ, tho I am.

 

[mina]

I want to become the woman that God intended for me to be, by that I mean knowing myself and How God made me so that I can be a Proverbs 31 woman in real life.
-to be trustworthy so my husband can have full confidence in me
- to have good character so I will bring my husband good all his days
- to have a good work ethic in all I do so that my family will be well cared for
-to be smart about finances so to benefit my family
-to give to the poor and to be full of compassion and charity for those who need it to show my children the way that Jesus would act
-to take care of my house and to be knowledgable in the things of the home so that my family will be well cared for
-to develop strength and confidence in God so that I can face the days to come with a smile and make my home an enjoyable place for my family to be
-to not be idle or lazy
_ to fear the Lord in all situations

 

[JPPT1974]

Put Jesus first and foremost in their lives.
Treat others the way they like to be treated.
Not lie, steal, cheat, curse, etc.
Give good backrubs.
Love the NFL.
Must get along with the in-laws.
Go to church and sunday school.
Loves to go to libraries and bookstores.

 

[JeremiahJ]

I thought I posted here before. I guess not. I better, cuz man I got some issues.

God's always showing me areas of improvement. I have tons I could list. I'll focus in on the one's that are most important for marriage.

I have an affinity for debates/arguments that needs to be reformed a little bit. It's perfectly okay to enjoy debating with people, but it becomes a problem when I sometimes try to make too many things a debate. I've been making good strides in this area, but I still have an inclination to argue when I should just listen or be peaceable.

I used to have a huge problem with pride. I've made leaps and bounds toward becoming a humble man of God, but I look inside me sometimes and see that my reactions toward things and feelings about things sometimes are the result of arrogance. Historically it's been my biggest issue. Someday though, people are going to be amazed at how humble I am. I say that trying not to cry, because God is so good to be ever-working with me.

I have a proclivity toward overextenuating myself. That's okay for now, but when I'm married, I definitely need to be able to not be incredibly busy with school, work, and ministry. She's gotta come second (right next to God), whatever that takes. I've recently realized that an active lifestyle is one way that I connect with God. That's why this one is in here.

I need to work on my articulation. I have to be able to more clearly convey complex ideas verbally. I'm not very good at this. I can converse, and talk about deep things, but I want to be able to better relate to my wife some of the more multi-faceted things of God, so as to better lovingly build her up with the word of truth.