We have to move...

[caresforthebirds]

Basically we were told we have to move from here when we were able to. Hopefully my husband will get his SSI soon and we can financially make it better, but I thought the solution was for me to get a job... but that is not working, and my mood disorder is all over the place reciently. But... my husband has been calling an old childhood friend of his he found again on Facebook who lives in another state. He says that we can move in with him and we share the rent... I've had bad experiences sharing housing like this in the past! Plus this is moving away from my family! But the new area has more opportunities for me to volunteer/work and being a metro area just more stuff in general. How much do I trust hubby this is a good person?

 

[ValleyGal]

A childhood friend.... and you two are how old now> Iow, it's been how long since they've been in touch... Does HE really know this person anymore>

Is there any way you can get to know this person before committing to moving in with him> Maybe even meet him to get a feel for who he is, and visit his place to see if it's suitable> How much privacy will you and husband have, etc.

Personally, I would not commit to living with this person until you settle it with your own mind, and I am really concerned that your husband expects you to move in with a stranger - even possibly a stranger to him, if they have not been in touch since childhood.

 

[caresforthebirds]

My concerns exactly, but we are suppose to go down there to check things out before a final decision. See, my husband is of a certain ethnicity and he wants to go back to that community, the old friend was someone he knew in the other country.

 

[caresforthebirds]

Oh yeah, me and husband have lived with 4 strangers in a row, we have low income and end up having to share housing. The first 3 were a disaster and 4 who we live with now is tolerable. We've had problems like them purposfully invading our privacy, them moving others in without asking and then having problems with the new people, etc.... plus lousy landlords including one that thought we didn't need an oven.

 

[NothingIsImpossible]

Ugh, facebook. Or just ugh to technology in general. The internet has made cheating and temptations in marriage SOOOO much easier to do now. Facebook being troublesome alot of times. Me? I have any women I used to date blocked on Facebook. Their emails blocked too. I would never be tempted by them mind you, they were terrible. But none the less I want no reminders of them. All it takes is one moment of weakness such as just having a fight and someone can see their ex and be reeled back in.

 

[LinkH]

.... plus lousy landlords including one that thought we didn't need an oven.

Aren't certain appliances mandated by law? Btw, that sounds like landlords in Asia. A lot of units just have a stove appliance that plugs into the wall or gas and no oven. I've lived in places like that and may have to again. It's not a problem if there are decent, reasonably priced bakeries.

 

[caresforthebirds]

See, a few years ago my husband convinced me to move into a situation he thought was ideal. His best friend and his girlfriend owned the house, and a buddy was the housemate... his best friend turned into a slumlord that would only come over to enter the house without our permission to take pictures and claim we were messing up their house, the buddy was a freak and we even caught him watching us make love, and he moved his girlfriend in without our permission and the landlords allowed it. Buddy left eventually to be replaced by a woman that moved her boyfriend in who was a drunk who tried to physically hurt my husband.... the 3rd one was a woman that hit on my husband in front of me and emotionally attacked me....

I'm tired of this...

 

[caresforthebirds]

GOOD posting here prompted me to talk to hubby again and he said he brought my concerns up with friend... now friend will look for us a place close to him but living by ourselves, I accept that.

 

[caresforthebirds]

I misunderstood husband... he's still wanting to move in with this guy. So I proposed an alternative, I have a dear uncle that had a rough separation from his wife. I always got along with him, I used to live with him (I don't know about my husband however) the only problem is that what if his wife comes back? His wife never liked me. But he lives a lot closer than where my husband wants to take off to!

 

[ValleyGal]

Have you talked with husband about moving in with your uncle> That certainly sounds like a viable option, and then if uncle's wife comes back, you and husband can make other plans at that point.

I am curious, though, why you have to live with someone else. Is there a reason you are unable to get your own place with husband> Is there a way you can stay where you are until husband's SSI kicks in and then go into a low-income housing>

 

[caresforthebirds]

We can stay here until my husband gets money, but for a few reasons we don't want to. How would you like to live with a toilet where you have to take the top of the tank to flush it, the seat is broken, and the base is unsteady and you are told it's fine? They want us out to rent the place to someone with more money, but if they want that, they will have to repair a bunch of junk!

 

[ValleyGal]

Oh, my, those are terrible conditions! Yes, methinks you should consider moving in with uncle for a bit - at least until the two of you can get into low-income housing or find more suitable accommodations. I really hope your husband will consider this move for your sake rather than force you to move in with yet another stranger - someone he knew as a child. You also might want to consider contacting the building authorities (I don't know who that is, city hall, building inspectors, tenancy arbitrations, whoever...) and report the conditions of your current accommodations.

 

[caresforthebirds]

We were almost homeless and we rent from a ministry... but they claim that can't afford keeping us here.

 

[akmom]

Caresforthebirds, those sound like very easy remedies regarding your toilet. I have repaired many toilets with that issue over the years. If the chain is not connected to the lever at the right point, then it will not allow the full amount of water to drain into the bowl from the tank with the flush handle alone. Sometimes it is a simple matter of adjusting the chain. There are different setups, so that is just one scenario. (With a picture, one of us could probably tell you what to do.). Worst case, you replace the "guts" of the toilet for $9-$15 using a kit from any hardware store.

There are also very inexpensive toilet seats, and they come with all the hardware you need to install them. Just note whether your toilet is oval or round before you go to the store. I've seen them as cheap as $10. No need to relocate over such a small issue.

 

[mkgal1]

I don't believe that's the only reason for the move. She'd posted this:

They want us out to rent the place to someone with more money

Basically we were told we have to move from here when we were able to.

....so I don't believe it's over the toilet not working properly.

 

[akmom]

I saw that about the landlord wanting them to move, but it wasn't clear whether that meant they *had* to move. If they have a lease agreement that is still binding, or live in an area with rent control, they get to stay even if the landlords request that they move. Being difficult about maintenance is one of the ways that landlords sometimes try to push out grandfathered tenants so they can charge higher rent to a new tenant. (This is why I suspect they might not have to move. The landlords could simply raise the rent for them if there were not a lease agreement or rent control laws in place. They would not need to get a new renter to raise the rate.)

In that case, I personally would do everything I could to stay! You're getting a good deal!