Watch this junkie speak within himself as he attempts to abstain

[treasurewords]

This junkie is me.
I do not, however, fit the mold of the stereotypical junkie.
I live in a nice home, I have very nice and supportive parents, and I do not smoke crack or shoot heroin.
I HAVE, however, stolen from my parents to support my habit, lied to people I loved to hide my habit, and other acts which are very much junkie like.
Besides, what is a junkie but ANYONE WHO WILL DO ANYTHING TO THE POINT OF HARMING THEMSELVES IN ORDER TO SUPPORT AN ADDICTION.

The only difference between our friend the white collar executive who needs another line of coke to hide the inward emptiness brought about due to years of follow his god, the dollar; and the crack mother who has sold her first born for another hit,
Is simply that the former can support his habit.
The crack mother is just the preferred stereotype because we perceive them to be so much lower than that.

BUT WHAT WAS THE POINT OF THIS POST?

I sit here desiring that which I would go to great lengths to obtain, even at the pain and suffering of people who care about me.
WHY?
I'm sitting here with $20 in my pocket and a green light going off in my mind that says "GO FOR IT."
And in the past I would.
But no, not tonight.
What is the REALITY of this?
What, can Christ offer no better than to cloud my senses and increase my happiness with something so artificial, empty, and temporary?
And I would call CHRIST A LIAR BY SAYING 'YES' TO SUCH?
Why can I not simply rest on "My senses MUST be protected from such influence, for although the Spirit of God is within me, the flesh is empowered and I simply cannot discern what the spirit says and what the flesh says when the chemicals are ingested."

And what of my mother? The one who gave me the money.
Would it not be the same if I were to wake her tired body from rest right now, say "Thanks for the money", and set it alight leaving her to put the fire out as she witnesses me walking out of the room with a smirk on my face?
IS THIS NOT AN ACT THAT IS NOT UNLIKE TAKING THE MONEY AND DOING THAT WHICH, WERE SHE TO FIND OUT, WOULD CAUSE AS MUCH EMOTIONAL PAIN?

Christ can offer me something more.
I am weak and my flesh cries for that thing. My feet stand ready to lead me to the car.
But if I wait upon the Lord, He will come.

God, give me a little bit longer. Just a little bit longer.
Sit beside me a little bit longer and whisper words I cannot hear into my heart as the flesh screams out for something that will be felt and gone in a few hours.
Christ come to me in my weak moment and increase my faith.
Your child is calling and I know you can hear me. And I know that once this is over the fiery trial that has come against me will have increased my faith and produced something far more precious than anything this world can provide.
And that is faith in the only thing in this universe that matters.

God bless you all.
And pray for me.

 

[treasurewords]

I felt like posting this here because I've found a lot of comfort in the fellowship and prayers of people here.
Were I to be in your presence while speaking what I had posted here, I would have been clenching your hand and hiding my face for the tears rolling down it.
Whether in body, or here in spirit, fellowship and Christian solidarity cannot be denied. Christ is always with us, but our Christian family is there for when we forget, and to turn us back to Him.

But I feel okay now.
May God continue to provide me with the grace to make it through these times.

 

[Yasha]

I have caught bits and pieces of your story in several places in this forum. I just returned here a few days ago myself after being sort of absent for about 9 months.(No, I wasn't pregnant, just otherwise occupied)

I keep praying for you because you sound a lot like my son . Especially in your yappin'-at-yourself-thing here.
I know that you are also talking to the Lord.

My son is awaiting some paperwork that can get him into a rehab situation and has been kind of in a holding pattern. That's the kind of thing that can make him a lot nuts. I am real close with him, and he knows I know his pain for the most part, so we talk often.

This time he lost it all, again..

No home, no car, no job, no money....he is house hopping at the moment living off the good graces of those who are willing to help while he awaits treatment. He admits that his big mistake this time was in severing ties with his best support systems last year when he got 'cocky' ( his word) about his sobriety. My son had a $450 a day crack habit at this time last year.

He sounds like he is in a little bit worse shape than you are.... as in, he has been living like an animal...and I don't give him ONE THIN DIME. I give him food and gas and cigs and pay for his outpatient...but NO MONEY.

Are you involved in any group or NA or support of that kind? I'm sorry if you already put that in a post...I may not have seen each one.

I always had to be the one who wanted to get sober(back in the day when I was the one in your shoes). But, I never got there alone. I used a lot of support systems to help me get up.

...and, of course the key support of all, is the Grace of Jesus in your heart. You seem to have an idea what that's about....He CAN transform your life. He did mine. I'm living proof that he can do this for you, trust him.

 

[TheMainException]

My brother, my brother....when I think of crack....I think of rich people....really.....coke is a hard thing.....dangerous too.....but whatever you are dealing with....I know it can be tough.....I know that was I deal with is death.....it's very personal, but very tough....sex is personal, and sex when you don't belong having it (such at 12 years old in your living room while your parents are out....) is very tough to deal with, especially when you realize that you HAVE GOTTA STOP!!!!

You are very much alike to me.....I often speak myself through things just like you did.....addiction is something everyone deals with at some point in their life.....can really do amazingly harsh things to your life.....whatever it is.....keep trying man.....keep up the abstinance....I know that you can deal with this correctly if you just continue to follow the king....keep trying, he will guide you in you let him. With love, Lauren

 

[treasurewords]

My brother, my brother....when I think of crack....I think of rich people....really.....coke is a hard thing.....dangerous too.....but whatever you are dealing with....I know it can be tough.....I know that was I deal with is death.....it's very personal, but very tough....sex is personal, and sex when you don't belong having it (such at 12 years old in your living room while your parents are out....) is very tough to deal with, especially when you realize that you HAVE GOTTA STOP!!!!

You are very much alike to me.....I often speak myself through things just like you did.....addiction is something everyone deals with at some point in their life.....can really do amazingly harsh things to your life.....whatever it is.....keep trying man.....keep up the abstinance....I know that you can deal with this correctly if you just continue to follow the king....keep trying, he will guide you in you let him. With love, Lauren

God bless you.
Whenever we sin we LEARN ABOUT HOW TO ABUSE OURSELVES. Crack creates an intense feeling brought on by dopamine. Coke does the same thing but less quickly and over a longer period of time. Sex causes chemical reactions in the brain (dopamine? is dopamine the pleasure chemical?).
Even if we knew nothing about science, the fact has been since Adam decided it would be good to eat of the tree.
Sin creates knowledge of things we do NOT NEED to know.
My drug is DXM. DXM causes my brain to operate such that I no longer have negative self-image, and provides a body high that puts me in a very unique state that allows me to be more receptive to music and "enjoy" music more than normal. My creativity increases, I am able to be super poetic and articulate, I can see things in my head, and I hallucinate at higher doses.
"Thanks but no thanks Christ. DXM helps me be a person people are drawn to and that people envy. DXM doesn't even render me incapable of being a productive member of society! I can finally get that high paying job I want because of the charisma that DXM gives me and the natural gift of a friendly face and a magnetic voice. I can talk to any girl I want to, too! I've never had the confidence to do that and DXM gives it to me!
Christ, I know that you can offer me something better, but I don't believe it. Don't worry, I'll come back to you some time when I get tired of what DXM can offer."

But you never get tired. You're addicted because you have discovered something THAT IS ONLY PRESENT WHEN THE DRUG IS PRESENT. And when you return to the normal, weak-willed, self-loathing, self-critical, unconfident, and boring creature of clay you are, you remember what you had and it overwhelms you.
"JUST ONE MORE TIME. I'LL ENJOY IT JUST ONE MORE TIME."
No you won't. Once it's over, you'll have nothing to turn to because YOU'RE DERIVING ALL YOUR ENJOYMENT IN LIFE FROM SITUATIONS THAT ARE ONLY POSSIBLE WITH THAT CHEMICAL.

I know that some have compelled me to go to an AA or NA meeting.
But this is spiritual warfare.
This is the flesh versus the spirit.
This is a battle that has scripture describing it and scripture imploring you to depend on the only One who can help you.

And yesterday, Christ won the battle.
Now, Christ reigns over my desires to experience what I did on DXM.
Tonight? Nothing is certain.
The war rages on. The enemy retreats and regroups and returns.
Only when my mind has forgotten what it was like to sin in this manner, and the word DXM is long forgotten (since the trick is to NOT SAY "I will not take DXM" but to say "I will see what Christ can offer me").

Conclusion?
To turn to sin is to call Christ a liar, and deny the power of God.

And this is something that will not get discussed at any worldly rehabilitation program or meeting.

 

[treasurewords]

I have caught bits and pieces of your story in several places in this forum. I just returned here a few days ago myself after being sort of absent for about 9 months.(No, I wasn't pregnant, just otherwise occupied)

I lol'd at the "pregnant" thing

I keep praying for you because you sound a lot like my son . Especially in your yappin'-at-yourself-thing here.
I know that you are also talking to the Lord.

God bless you.
I appreciate your sincere prayer brought about by agonizing over your son and from the sounds of it, knowing how binding addiction can be.
Knowing that it's a tearful battle because as Christians, we sincerely want to do right but must face opposition from the flesh.
If I had local Christians I could fellowship with, I would probably be telling them this instead of posting here, but I do not because I've just gotten off drugs and have JUST started to seek a church home.
But you're right, whenever I type these things I'm simply relating what is going on in my body, mind, and soul. And it's me crying out to Christ and hoping that some find encouragement in a real-time description of what I think and how I turn to Christ.

He admits that his big mistake this time was in severing ties with his best support systems last year when he got 'cocky' ( his word) about his sobriety. My son had a $450 a day crack habit at this time last year.

Is he a Christian? I understand how one could enter into that state of mind that they don't need the programs anymore (either they feel empowered by a short stint of sobriety, eg "Yeah! Look what I did! I feel great!", or they are indulging just a little bit and feel that they can manage a habit).
But as a Christian, the solution to becoming "cocky" is to know that one will always have the capacity to sin. I will always be a drug addict, so long as I know what it is like to do drugs, and how great they can make me feel.

He sounds like he is in a little bit worse shape than you are.... as in, he has been living like an animal...and I don't give him ONE THIN DIME. I give him food and gas and cigs and pay for his outpatient...but NO MONEY.

Well, my habit at its worst reached $12 a day because the chemical I'm addicted to (DXM) is available in OTC cough syrup.
So while I did exhibit some rather terrible junkie-like behavior, I was always able to support the habit.
I have smoked crack as well, and thank God that I didn't get addicted to that, because crack is the devil's tool if there ever was one. I thought it was amazing how brotherly it made me feel with the person I was smoking with, and even started to enjoy the feeling of not having anything to worry about such that the people I was with were like my best friends (DANGER DANGER WILL ROBINSON, ENTERING ADDICTION ZONE)...
Fifteen minutes later I was smart enough to recognize that if I started to listen to that tiny voice that said, "That was fun, come on, just one more time", it would be over.
Glory to God that I didn't become an addict or I would probably be much worse off than your son (since I have a tendency to go to extremes to get what I want).

Are you involved in any group or NA or support of that kind? I'm sorry if you already put that in a post...I may not have seen each one.

I make a comment about this in my response below.

I always had to be the one who wanted to get sober(back in the day when I was the one in your shoes). But, I never got there alone. I used a lot of support systems to help me get up.

...and, of course the key support of all, is the Grace of Jesus in your heart. You seem to have an idea what that's about....He CAN transform your life. He did mine. I'm living proof that he can do this for you, trust him.

I will say something that I said down below... the Grace of Jesus in your heart is something that will not get discussed in wordly channels.
In the darkest hours where addiction nearly overwhelms me, I know that Christ is the answer and that he's just a cry away.

God bless you and again, thank you for your prayers.
When the Lord brings him into my awareness, I'll be sure and make mention of your son in my prayers. And that you may receive comfort always.
If your son is not a Christian and comes to Christ, or there is some miraculous change of heart that causes him to give up and start a new life, please let me know.

 

[Yasha]

I just spent i 1/2 hours writing to you...the reply posted....I even reread it a few times...I left, I came back to add some Strong's stuff on it....and IT"S GONE!!!! Don't have time to do it again...will return another time. I'm so sad
Later.

 

[ninetails390]

*big and lots of s* Hey Treasure, I can't do a whole lot to help, but I will pray for you, ok? I know, essentially, how it feels to be addicted to something... I've may have never in my life touched an addictive substance, but I do know what an addiction is like... from experience. I was "addicted" to self-injury for a large chunk of last year, and believe me, it's not easy to stop... I know how hard it is to break addictions, and I know what you're going through must be very hard, but God will help you through it! If you have the will to overcome it, God will help! I'll be praying for you. God be with you.

 

[Evie]

This junkie is me.
I do not, however, fit the mold of the stereotypical junkie.
I live in a nice home, I have very nice and supportive parents, and I do not smoke crack or shoot heroin.
I HAVE, however, stolen from my parents to support my habit, lied to people I loved to hide my habit, and other acts which are very much junkie like.
Besides, what is a junkie but ANYONE WHO WILL DO ANYTHING TO THE POINT OF HARMING THEMSELVES IN ORDER TO SUPPORT AN ADDICTION.

The only difference between our friend the white collar executive who needs another line of coke to hide the inward emptiness brought about due to years of follow his god, the dollar; and the crack mother who has sold her first born for another hit,
Is simply that the former can support his habit.
The crack mother is just the preferred stereotype because we perceive them to be so much lower than that.

BUT WHAT WAS THE POINT OF THIS POST?

I sit here desiring that which I would go to great lengths to obtain, even at the pain and suffering of people who care about me.
WHY?
I'm sitting here with $20 in my pocket and a green light going off in my mind that says "GO FOR IT."
And in the past I would.
But no, not tonight.
What is the REALITY of this?
What, can Christ offer no better than to cloud my senses and increase my happiness with something so artificial, empty, and temporary?
And I would call CHRIST A LIAR BY SAYING 'YES' TO SUCH?
Why can I not simply rest on "My senses MUST be protected from such influence, for although the Spirit of God is within me, the flesh is empowered and I simply cannot discern what the spirit says and what the flesh says when the chemicals are ingested."

And what of my mother? The one who gave me the money.
Would it not be the same if I were to wake her tired body from rest right now, say "Thanks for the money", and set it alight leaving her to put the fire out as she witnesses me walking out of the room with a smirk on my face?
IS THIS NOT AN ACT THAT IS NOT UNLIKE TAKING THE MONEY AND DOING THAT WHICH, WERE SHE TO FIND OUT, WOULD CAUSE AS MUCH EMOTIONAL PAIN?

Christ can offer me something more.
I am weak and my flesh cries for that thing. My feet stand ready to lead me to the car.
But if I wait upon the Lord, He will come.

God, give me a little bit longer. Just a little bit longer.
Sit beside me a little bit longer and whisper words I cannot hear into my heart as the flesh screams out for something that will be felt and gone in a few hours.
Christ come to me in my weak moment and increase my faith.
Your child is calling and I know you can hear me. And I know that once this is over the fiery trial that has come against me will have increased my faith and produced something far more precious than anything this world can provide.
And that is faith in the only thing in this universe that matters.

God bless you all.
And pray for me.

hello treasurewords,being addicted to something is so hard to deal with,I know. I won't say what,but I was addicted to 2 things in my past. Argh! can be the worst thing to deal with ever. It takes control of you completely. Give it time,and take life slowely one day at a time with Christ walking with you. You'll reach you're goal. I'm living proof of that. Use the money your mom gave you for something else!
Still praying for you. keep your head always looking to Him!!

 

[DSGodChild]

Hello treasurewords,

I am overjoyed to hear of your victory. I know that we all too many times say the same things in our head that you demonstrated: Thanks Christ, but I'll come back to you when I've finished with this fun stuff. I ask myself time and again, why did you do that after you've come so far with God?

You are right. This is a war, and we are assaulted by tireless enemies. In your case, and in mine, our bodies say, "Do it, do it, it's okay." We can trust in our own strength, but the petitions keep getting louder and louder, until they are demands that seem to scream forth from every cell. Not only that, but you may have even been told that what you're doing is okay, as long as it doesn't hurt anyone. The voices of the sons and daughters of this world can get under your skin too, in my case: "sex is a wonderful expression of love", "what's the big deal, it's fun!", not to mention the constant bombardment of pressures just from turning on the TV. We must keep strong against this constant barrage, and against the many various tools that Satan throws against us. All we have is God and each other until we are raised from our sleep unto glory eternal.

Know that I will pray for you, and continue to pray will all diligence. We must have our armor on at all times if we are to survive the day, but I know that with the loving hand of our Father, we can make it through.

Blessings and peace,
David

 

[Godsgirl481]

I sit here, wanting, wishing I had $50 for some lines. The razor is right over there, it is either lines of powder, or little bloodly lines on my arm. Oh so hard to breath, to actually stay alive. All my life, I am so tired....thinking about dying....just need a few lines...or $50 for a bag, some backing soda...and a pepsi can...............

 

[Yasha]

Dear treasurewords,

My son David is gone again....I KNOW you can pray this from your heart....deep calls unto deep....

PLEASE HELP ME PRAY. He took off with his car and money that I didn't know he had gotten. He has been missing for 24 hours and we are trying to avoid the legal battles that will drown him by calling the police. We will be forced to that decision before too long.

He tricked a few of us in a perfect setup and he is off. We are still awaiting his placement in a program....and the wait has been wearing on us all. There is a real danger that he could die. When he gets like this he is almost wishing for that outcome.

I have no access to him right now, except through the Lord through prayer. The Holy Spirit in him is the most powerful weapon on his side. If you could lift him in a prayer for the Lord to have MERCY and to bring to him conviction of his destructive actions from within. That the Lord would TURN and lead him safely home, for His Glory.

Please, dear Jesus, forgive us all our sins and deliver David home safely. Open wide the doors to this end, for YOUR Glory and honor. Please let us NOT have to resort to the law to intervene here, please bring him home. TURN HIM WITH YOUR SPIRIT AND STRENGTH AND POWER FROM WITHIN, JESUS. Bind the liar, the rebeliion, the carnal hunger, the emptiness, the despair, the self-destruction, the enemy in all his many guises, agents, powers and plottings; Trap the enemy in his own traps Father; Hurl the enemy into the Abyss and deliver my son, in the Power and Might of Your SON, Jesus. In Your undeserved grace, hear our prayer and be inclined to bring Your Will and Your Favor upon us all in this long night of the soul....encourage us with Your Mighty Works on David's behalf. Grant us wisdom, patience, love, strength and the watchfulness to ready action by the promptings of Your Spirit within, Jesus. Amen.

[font=Arial, Geneva, Helvetica]42:9 I will say to God my rock, "Why have You forgotten me? Why do I go mourning because of the oppression of the enemy ?" [/font][font=Arial, Geneva, Helvetica]42:10 As a shattering of my bones, my adversaries revile me, While they say to me all day long, "Where is your God ?" [/font][font=Arial, Geneva, Helvetica]42:11 Why are you in despair, O my soul ? And why have you become disturbed within me? Hope in God, for I shall yet praise Him, The help of my countenance and my God. [/font]

 

[chilehed]

treasurewords,

I get you. Been there myself many times, was badly enslaved to drugs for many years.

It's been almost 18 years since I used, now the worst that happens is the occasional (VARY rare) passing thought from out of the blue and I'm repelled by the thought.

You don't have to do it anymore.

 

[Yasha]

Haven't heard from you in a while. How's it goin'?


Lifting you to the lord's throne of grace and mercy and acceptance.
in Jesus' MIGHTY name. Alelluia.