War Fiction preview (not for those under 15)

[AlexB23]

Hello folks. Here is the preview of my war fiction. Have never done this before. The story is set on a pre-space age alien planet with 1940s level tech in the 1910s. This entire war fiction plot covers the issues with populist leaders, propaganda in media, as well as more fictional issues such as weather control in war. Though, in real life, the US used cloud-seeding in Vietnam from 1967-1972 in a project dubbed Operation Popeye to slow down Vietnamese troops with mud caused by rain triggered by lead or silver iodide salts dropped into the clouds. The middle part of the fiction story will have parallels to this real world event: Operation Popeye - Wikipedia

799|1|25 (May 23rd, 1917)
Lerwel, Yonar
Western Pujanian continent, Planet [Not gonna say planet's name]

The year is 1917 when converted to the Christian calendar. The dictatorship of Valrenty is invading Yonar, and has taken the western city of Lerwel. Tomorrow, on the first of the second month of 799, the Valrentian dictator declared victory, albeit temporarily, over Lerwel.


799|2|1 (May 24th, 1917)
Parliament Building in Lerwel, Yonar

“Corporal Mazurak, get to your station”, yelled the commanding officer Gregor Kyselo. Officer Kyselo is the leader of Delta squad, a division of the Yonish military. He was known to be tough on privates who became new corporals. Mazurak became a corporal on 798|15|1, just under 50 days ago. This was Mazurak’s first day at war. Mazurak, Kyselo and nineteen others of the Delta squad loaded weapons, provisions and themselves onto an armored truck headed towards the center of Lerwel. Lerwel was an old city, dating back at least 1,298 [Planet X]-years ago with a legal document detailing the founding of the city located inside a church.

Back in the truck, Officer Kyselo issued orders describing how to hold the Valrentian army at bay. The soldiers would form a line around the parliament building. After forming a line around the parliament, Delta squad would enter through a side door with gas grenades. Upon releasing the gas grenades, the squad will apprehend the Valrentian military inside the parliamentary chambers. A gas grenade is a cylindrical metal device which uses a pressurized gas, that when the pin is released by hand, triggers a bolt to break through a glass vial containing a nontoxic liquid that boils at 35°C. When the pin is pulled, oxygen enters the cylinder, allowing a zinc-air battery to power a heating coil at the base of the glass vial which boils the liquid. Volatile gasses are released, which can fill an entire room within moments.

The operation was carried out, and deemed a success, though Corporal Mazurak died from friendly fire when Officer Kyselo fired two shot at a Kezon guard, and the second bullet ricocheted off of the metal support beam behind the enemy guard, and hit Mazurak in the spleen. Corporal Mazurak was given a medal of honor by the Yonish government posthumously for his actions of delaying the Kezon’s advance into Yonar by a good few months, giving enough time for racially at-risk groups to evacuate.


That's all folks. Not going to post anything more about this war fiction plot, as it will be very dark, as the war on this fictional planet will be similar to WWII on Earth.

 

[Tuur]

It's interesting, but I think it might read better with more show than explanation. Mazurak isn't a regularly appearing character, there's little point in going into details. Assuming that the POV is Gregor Kyselo"

Gregor Kyselo turned to the corporal. "Get to your station"

The corporal saluted. "Yes, sir," and ran to obey.

Kyselo watched him a moment. When did soldiers become so young? Mazurak, that was his name. One of the new corporals hastily promoted since the start of the war fifty days ago.

My suggestion above is rough as sandpaper, but it's an illustration. From this point, Kyselo actually gives the orders instead of "Back in the truck, Officer Kyselo issued orders describing how to hold the Valrentian army at bay." Let the reader see what Kyselo orders, and how how the battle progresses. This, BTW, is where the fun in writing battle scenes comes from. It's also a great way to grab the reader's interest.

I wouldn't go into detail about the armaments at this point. If they would be completely unfamiliar with readers, a sentence long description might be in order, but any longer than that takes the reader out of the action. You want to fully immerse the reader here, let the reader see the battle through Kyselo's eyes.

In the confusion of battle, it would likely be hard for Kyselo to know that a bullet he fired killed the corporal. It would be better for him to wind Mazurak and to wonder if he had accidentally killed him. Or you could have him know that he killed the corporal Maybe he saw the corporal fall as soon as he fired the shot. Maybe the corporal blundered in the way as Kyselo pulled the trigger. Does Kyselo tell anyone? Does he keep that to himself?

What happens at that point depends on what sort of person Kyselo is. If he's companionate, it's going to haunt him, maybe through the entire story or novel. If Kyselo is callous, he won't give it a second thought. However, if he's companionate, he might recommend Mazurak for a medal, with an aid complimenting favorably on the decision. You could have Kyselo think He's still dead, or something along those lines. It all depends on how you want Kyselo to be.

 

[AlexB23]

It's interesting, but I think it might read better with more show than explanation. Mazurak isn't a regularly appearing character, there's little point in going into details. Assuming that the POV is Gregor Kyselo"

Gregor Kyselo turned to the corporal. "Get to your station"

The corporal saluted. "Yes, sir," and ran to obey.

Kyselo watched him a moment. When did soldiers become so young? Mazurak, that was his name. One of the new corporals hastily promoted since the start of the war fifty days ago.

My suggestion above is rough as sandpaper, but it's an illustration. From this point, Kyselo actually gives the orders instead of "Back in the truck, Officer Kyselo issued orders describing how to hold the Valrentian army at bay." Let the reader see what Kyselo orders, and how how the battle progresses. This, BTW, is where the fun in writing battle scenes comes from. It's also a great way to grab the reader's interest.

I wouldn't go into detail about the armaments at this point. If they would be completely unfamiliar with readers, a sentence long description might be in order, but any longer than that takes the reader out of the action. You want to fully immerse the reader here, let the reader see the battle through Kyselo's eyes.

In the confusion of battle, it would likely be hard for Kyselo to know that a bullet he fired killed the corporal. It would be better for him to wind Mazurak and to wonder if he had accidentally killed him. Or you could have him know that he killed the corporal Maybe he saw the corporal fall as soon as he fired the shot. Maybe the corporal blundered in the way as Kyselo pulled the trigger. Does Kyselo tell anyone? Does he keep that to himself?

What happens at that point depends on what sort of person Kyselo is. If he's companionate, it's going to haunt him, maybe through the entire story or novel. If Kyselo is callous, he won't give it a second thought. However, if he's companionate, he might recommend Mazurak for a medal, with an aid complimenting favorably on the decision. You could have Kyselo think He's still dead, or something along those lines. It all depends on how you want Kyselo to be.

I'll think about that, and will work on that during the editing process. First have to get the basic plot down. I will actually be focusing on the life of a minority boy and his father in Facility 005 for a chapter or two, and then move on to some battle scenes between the Valrentians and Stonelanders. Thank you for helping with this one man.