Vows and Sex

[David.Lynch]

Hello, I've come to this site because I really need some input from fellow Christians and I don't have many people to ask in real life so I hope I can get some help on my issue.

Basically I've been struggling for a long time with a vow I made to God when I was 18 to wait until marriage to have sex. I've always been very serious about the vows I've made over the years and have honored them all despite how tough they have been. This one however if very difficult as I feel I made it when I might not have as much insight as I do now regarding my views on sex and marriage.

Over the years I've had opportunities to have sex with women but this vow has kept me a virgin. Now I feel that I would have regretted sleeping with these women afterwards, so I am very thankful for having this to prevent me from having made those mistakes. However, I'm now in a relationship with someone and I've been seeing her for a while and I do love and care for her. She wants to have sex and I do very much too but this is getting in the way.

The thing is I don't really have much of an interest in getting married really ever, and so I feel in order to keep this vow I have to live my life as a virgin, which sounds absolutely horrible. I wish I had the insight to have decided to only have sex with someone I felt I was in love with, as this would have prevented me from having casual sex but still would have enabled me to have the experiences which I believe are healthy and good in life.

Am I overthinking the choice I made 10 years ago (I'm 28 now) or is this something I can choose to be a little more flexible with? Ultimately I love God with all my heart, which is why I've struggled for as long as I have everyday, otherwise I wouldn't have done this. I just don't want to let God down.

 

[High Fidelity]

You made the right choice and that's what Scripture commands us to do. Sex is for a husband and wife.

Yes, if you don't plan to marry it will be tough, but that doesn't change the fact that Scripture says what it says and we're to be submissive and obedient to that.

Luke 9:23 - And He was saying to them all, "If anyone wishes to come after Me, he must deny himself, and take up his cross daily and follow Me.

This is just one instance of many where self-denial is the requirement for obedience in the Lord.

1 Corinthians 7:9 - But if they do not have self-control, let them marry; for it is better to marry than to burn with passion.

1 Thessalonians 4:1-8 - 1 Finally then, brethren, we request and exhort you in the Lord Jesus, that as you received from us instruction as to how you ought to walk and please God (just as you actually do walk), that you excel still more. 2 For you know what commandments we gave you by the authority of the Lord Jesus. 3 For this is the will of God, your sanctification; that is, that you abstain from sexual immorality; 4 that each of you know how to possess his own vessel in sanctification and honor, 5 not in lustful passion, like the Gentiles who do not know God; 6 and that no man transgress and defraud his brother in the matter because the Lord is the avenger in all these things, just as we also told you before and solemnly warned you.7 For God has not called us for the purpose of impurity, but in sanctification. 8 So, he who rejectsthis is not rejecting man but the God who gives His Holy Spirit to you.

I'll pray for your strength in this.

 

[Sultan Of Swing]

Hello, I've come to this site because I really need some input from fellow Christians and I don't have many people to ask in real life so I hope I can get some help on my issue.

Basically I've been struggling for a long time with a vow I made to God when I was 18 to wait until marriage to have sex. I've always been very serious about the vows I've made over the years and have honored them all despite how tough they have been. This one however if very difficult as I feel I made it when I might not have as much insight as I do now regarding my views on sex and marriage.

Over the years I've had opportunities to have sex with women but this vow has kept me a virgin. Now I feel that I would have regretted sleeping with these women afterwards, so I am very thankful for having this to prevent me from having made those mistakes. However, I'm now in a relationship with someone and I've been seeing her for a while and I do love and care for her. She wants to have sex and I do very much too but this is getting in the way.

The thing is I don't really have much of an interest in getting married really ever, and so I feel in order to keep this vow I have to live my life as a virgin, which sounds absolutely horrible. I wish I had the insight to have decided to only have sex with someone I felt I was in love with, as this would have prevented me from having casual sex but still would have enabled me to have the experiences which I believe are healthy and good in life.

Am I overthinking the choice I made 10 years ago (I'm 28 now) or is this something I can choose to be a little more flexible with? Ultimately I love God with all my heart, which is why I've struggled for as long as I have everyday, otherwise I wouldn't have done this. I just don't want to let God down.

Regardless of whether you made a vow or not, sex should be between a husband and a wife.

So don't feel like you made the wrong decision in making that vow. You shouldn't be having sex outside of marriage regardless.

 

[dysert]

If you don't feel like getting married ever, does your current gf know this? Typically, they're not interested in just playing around with no commitment

Regarding your vow, keep it. It may be hard, but it's certainly possible. Don't let yourself get into situations that lend themselves to an opportunity. Try to quit thinking about it. Keep yourself pure and you won't regret it.

 

[longwait]

congratulations on keeping your vow. Your body is your temple of God and it should be kept pure. Sex before marriage is fornication which is a sin against your temple.

Flee immorality. Every other sin that a man commits is outside the body, but the immoral man sins against his own body. Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God, and that you are not your own? For you have been bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body. 1 corinthians 6:18-20

 

[David.Lynch]

Thanks for the responses. I was hoping for some varied thoughts, but it seems a pretty cut and dry issue, and I guess that's how I have to look at it.

 

[David.Lynch]

If you don't feel like getting married ever, does your current gf know this? Typically, they're not interested in just playing around with no commitment

She doesn't really care about marriage, and she doesn't really have the hang up over sex like I do. She's more spiritual than religious so she really doesn't have to abide by all these rules I have to.

 

[farout]

Hello, I've come to this site because I really need some input from fellow Christians and I don't have many people to ask in real life so I hope I can get some help on my issue.

Basically I've been struggling for a long time with a vow I made to God when I was 18 to wait until marriage to have sex. I've always been very serious about the vows I've made over the years and have honored them all despite how tough they have been. This one however if very difficult as I feel I made it when I might not have as much insight as I do now regarding my views on sex and marriage.

Over the years I've had opportunities to have sex with women but this vow has kept me a virgin. Now I feel that I would have regretted sleeping with these women afterwards, so I am very thankful for having this to prevent me from having made those mistakes. However, I'm now in a relationship with someone and I've been seeing her for a while and I do love and care for her. She wants to have sex and I do very much too but this is getting in the way.

The thing is I don't really have much of an interest in getting married really ever, and so I feel in order to keep this vow I have to live my life as a virgin, which sounds absolutely horrible. I wish I had the insight to have decided to only have sex with someone I felt I was in love with, as this would have prevented me from having casual sex but still would have enabled me to have the experiences which I believe are healthy and good in life.

Am I overthinking the choice I made 10 years ago (I'm 28 now) or is this something I can choose to be a little more flexible with? Ultimately I love God with all my heart, which is why I've struggled for as long as I have everyday, otherwise I wouldn't have done this. I just don't want to let God down.

IF you are a Christian, and IF you believe you are a FOLLOWER of Christ, and IF the Bible is your guide that God has give you, that sex outside of marriage is a serious sin. Are you drifting away from your faith? IF you believe the Bible and IF you are a genuine Follow of Christ. Then you know the answer. I am sure there are those who have drifted or give up on the Christian faith that will say why not. I

I know many unwed moms that would tell you the heart ache they have for giving in. I know several men and women who had not had sex before getting married. Not one has said I sure wish I had sex before I got married. It sounds like you two are getting to physical with each other. If you do not want to get married you have not business going with this woman, it is just because you enjoy your sexual teasing that you stay. Run dear brother run before its too late.

 

[David.Lynch]

IF you are a Christian, and IF you believe you are a FOLLOWER of Christ, and IF the Bible is your guide that God has give you, that sex outside of marriage is a serious sin. Are you drifting away from your faith? IF you believe the Bible and IF you are a genuine Follow of Christ. Then you know the answer. I am sure there are those who have drifted or give up on the Christian faith that will say why not. I

I know many unwed moms that would tell you the heart ache they have for giving in. I know several men and women who had not had sex before getting married. Not one has said I sure wish I had sex before I got married. It sounds like you two are getting to physical with each other. If you do not want to get married you have not business going with this woman, it is just because you enjoy your sexual teasing that you stay. Run dear brother run before its too late.

Easy for those men and women to say as they are married at that point haha, but I understand what you mean. It's just hard when I feel like I won't get an opportunity like this again and I just wanted to share myself with her, I just wish that wasn't consider a sin when I feel it instead should be something wonderful.

You are right, we have been getting too physical, as it's a very natural thing for us, I think we're both very sexual people but I always have to stop things. I just wish I could have ended up with someone that also made this life decision, but I haven't even met a woman that has, let alone was interested in her.

 

[High Fidelity]

Easy for those men and women to say as they are married at that point haha, but I understand what you mean. It's just hard when I feel like I won't get an opportunity like this again and I just wanted to share myself with her, I just wish that wasn't consider a sin when I feel it instead should be something wonderful.

You are right, we have been getting too physical, as it's a very natural thing for us, I think we're both very sexual people but I always have to stop things. I just wish I could have ended up with someone that also made this life decision, but I haven't even met a woman that has, let alone was interested in her.

Ultimately it's an issue of conflicting faiths(or lack thereof), conflicting world views, conflicting systems of belief and conflicting moralities. This is why we're told to be equally yoked with our partners.

It may be best for you to consider that also.

 

[David.Lynch]

Ultimately it's an issue of conflicting faiths(or lack thereof), conflicting world views, conflicting systems of belief and conflicting moralities. This is why we're told to be equally yoked with our partners.

It may be best for you to consider that also.

Yes, after going through this experience I definitely have taken this as a lesson. I can only pray and hope I get that opportunity.

 

[Arcangl86]

I don't think it's as cut and dry an issue as people are making. People have a different conception of marriage in general now a days, and it is no longer primarily about property like it used to be. I of course am not saying promiscuity is a good thing, but I don't see an issue with sex in the context of a long term loving relationship. It's not like having a piece of paper is going to change how you feel about the other person.

 

[Soyeong]

Hello, I've come to this site because I really need some input from fellow Christians and I don't have many people to ask in real life so I hope I can get some help on my issue.

Basically I've been struggling for a long time with a vow I made to God when I was 18 to wait until marriage to have sex. I've always been very serious about the vows I've made over the years and have honored them all despite how tough they have been. This one however if very difficult as I feel I made it when I might not have as much insight as I do now regarding my views on sex and marriage.

Over the years I've had opportunities to have sex with women but this vow has kept me a virgin. Now I feel that I would have regretted sleeping with these women afterwards, so I am very thankful for having this to prevent me from having made those mistakes. However, I'm now in a relationship with someone and I've been seeing her for a while and I do love and care for her. She wants to have sex and I do very much too but this is getting in the way.

The thing is I don't really have much of an interest in getting married really ever, and so I feel in order to keep this vow I have to live my life as a virgin, which sounds absolutely horrible. I wish I had the insight to have decided to only have sex with someone I felt I was in love with, as this would have prevented me from having casual sex but still would have enabled me to have the experiences which I believe are healthy and good in life.

Am I overthinking the choice I made 10 years ago (I'm 28 now) or is this something I can choose to be a little more flexible with? Ultimately I love God with all my heart, which is why I've struggled for as long as I have everyday, otherwise I wouldn't have done this. I just don't want to let God down.

Some people who don't want to get married still want to be in an intimate relationship with someone just for the sex, which while I think is wrong, is understandable. However, if you don't want to get married and you've sworn off sex, then why you are in an intimate relationship with someone? There is a difference between love and infatuation and being in love is often associated with infatuation rather than love. I don't think you should bend your vow, but if you want to do so, then do so for love, not infatuation, and if it is truly love, then get married to her first.

 

[Soyeong]

I don't think it's as cut and dry an issue as people are making. People have a different conception of marriage in general now a days, and it is no longer primarily about property like it used to be. I of course am not saying promiscuity is a good thing, but I don't see an issue with sex in the context of a long term loving relationship. It's not like having a piece of paper is going to change how you feel about the other person.

Marriage is about the relationship that is formed by the vows that a husband and wife make to each other, not about the piece of paper by which the state recognizes it for legal reasons.

 

[Arcangl86]

Marriage is about the relationship that is formed by the vows that a husband and wife make to each other, not about the piece of paper by which the state recognizes it for legal reasons.

And what is to stop people from forming that bond without the formal vows?

 

[Soyeong]

And what is to stop people from forming that bond without the formal vows?

The vows are what are forming that bond.

 

[Arcangl86]

The vows are what are forming that bond.

And here I thought it was the shared life and shared experiences together. Silly me, instead it's the magic words. The vows are a expression of the bond, but they don't create it.

 

[Soyeong]

And here I thought it was the shared life and shared experiences together. Silly me, instead it's the magic words. The vows are a expression of the bond, but they don't create it.

Two people who live together and love each other and live together have a different sort of bond than two people who live together and have vowed to love each other until death due them part.

 

[David.Lynch]

Originally my struggle was about maintaining my vow, not necessarily what the vow was for, but rather that I made it in the first place. That I gave my word to God is the only thing that matters, having sex before marriage isn't really as big of an issue to be honest, however I really do appreciate the responses I've gotten and it has helped in a different way than I was expecting. As good as the sex would be (at least I'd hope it would be), and even if I don't regret that part of it, I would regret not having gone through with what I promised. I'd hate to feel distanced from God and it would taint in a way the experience anyways, and I think I would wish to take it back. I feel only God can release me from the vow I made to him, unfortunately I don't have the ability to speak to him directly, so I have to read the signs that I'm given.

 

[SkyWriting]

And what is to stop people from forming that bond without the formal vows?

That can't be stopped.