update..nothing is forever

[Ben Borg Again]

update from RuSabLePheonix and me ( the same person).
where do I start?
My virgin highschool fundy- moderate-conservative wife of 10-15 years all of the sudden turned to the Dark Side, has abandoned my daughter (legaly giving up parental rights tomarrow) ran off with a guy ( sex offender!) who dumped her for destroying our family, and is now out sleeping around with all sorts guys(or girls) at the bars ( I have acsess to her voice mail and cell phone records).
She will not even speak to her closest friends and family who are all VERY UPSET.
Why did this happen?
First off, for the first time in our marraige she is making more $$$ than me and spending all of her work-time with slick well dressed salesmen.

So all of the sudden I am the loser ( even though I made $20,000 last year as a self employed) accourding to her salemen buddies.
And she is living the wild teenage years she never had.

The last two weeks..the worst time of my entire existence, yet I see the light at the end of the tunnel.
I am determined to become the betterperson thru this and use this opprtunity to demonstrate and manifest the single concept I hold Sacred: Unconditional Love. I am positive my wife and I will remain good friends after all this shiit is done and over with, although I highly doubt we will ever get back together. I joined a Unitarian- Universalist church and was overjoyed to find Athiests/ agnostics there ( as well as liberal Christians, buddhists, wiccans, pagans and a buttload of gay couples). My first time there I talked to a math proff. and two doctors for about 3 hours and we hit it off like we have been friends for years, talking about the exact same things that are discused in Apologtics non stop..... the value of critical thinking and so forth.
Very cool.. I am starting to see the positive in this situation.
Even though this situation has been so terribly difficult and emotional beyond description, it is becoming positive, and plus I have my first date in 15 years with a really hot educated agnostic asian girl this week!

 

[Zoot]

Um.




That's freaking awesome.

 

[DrunkenWrestler]

nothing is forever

Will it forever be true that nothing is forever?

first date in 15 years with a really hot educated agnostic asian girl this week!

Excellent, Smithers.

 

[Doctrine1st]

Hang tough homey, glad there's some light in the tunnel, just make sure it's not another train.

 

[Ben Borg Again]

Um.




That's freaking awesome.

um
not really.
bad choice of words zoot. but I understand your humor.
so I laugh at the pain. its the only way to cope

 

[Zoot]

Bring on the interesting.

 

[Riddick]

@#2: zoot was hilarious
@#1:

I joined a Unitarian- Universalist church and was overjoyed to find Athiests/ agnostics there ( as well as liberal Christians, buddhists, wiccans, pagans and a buttload of gay couples).

fabulous. im indifferent to the other people at church. dont matter their age, their color, their orientation.

My first time there I talked to a math proff. and two doctors for about 3 hours and we hit it off like we have been friends for years, talking about the exact same things that are discused in Apologtics non stop..... the value of critical thinking and so forth. Very cool.. I am starting to see the positive in this situation.

im glad u found a place where u can find some friends away from the internet.

Even though this situation has been so terribly difficult and emotional beyond description, it is becoming positive, and plus I have my first date in 15 years with a really hot educated agnostic asian girl this week!

myself, i only care about, well, nsfw.

 

[Blackmarch]

update from RuSabLePheonix and me ( the same person).
where do I start?
My virgin highschool fundy- moderate-conservative wife of 10-15 years all of the sudden turned to the Dark Side, has abandoned my daughter (legaly giving up parental rights tomarrow) ran off with a guy ( sex offender!) who dumped her for destroying our family, and is now out sleeping around with all sorts guys(or girls) at the bars ( I have acsess to her voice mail and cell phone records).
She will not even speak to her closest friends and family who are all VERY UPSET.
Why did this happen?
First off, for the first time in our marraige she is making more $$$ than me and spending all of her work-time with slick well dressed salesmen.

So all of the sudden I am the loser ( even though I made $20,000 last year as a self employed) accourding to her salemen buddies.
And she is living the wild teenage years she never had.

The last two weeks..the worst time of my entire existence, yet I see the light at the end of the tunnel.
I am determined to become the betterperson thru this and use this opprtunity to demonstrate and manifest the single concept I hold Sacred: Unconditional Love. I am positive my wife and I will remain good friends after all this shiit is done and over with, although I highly doubt we will ever get back together. I joined a Unitarian- Universalist church and was overjoyed to find Athiests/ agnostics there ( as well as liberal Christians, buddhists, wiccans, pagans and a buttload of gay couples). My first time there I talked to a math proff. and two doctors for about 3 hours and we hit it off like we have been friends for years, talking about the exact same things that are discused in Apologtics non stop..... the value of critical thinking and so forth.
Very cool.. I am starting to see the positive in this situation.
Even though this situation has been so terribly difficult and emotional beyond description, it is becoming positive, and plus I have my first date in 15 years with a really hot educated agnostic asian girl this week!

Wow, one is very sorry to hear that and wishes you the best of luck... And one also supports your decision to have and keep unconditional love, even for a person who has seemed to turn against that. What you'll reap what you sow.

 

[SaintOfMe]

Ben,

I'm very sorry to hear about what your wife did to you, but I'm glad you're trying to see the bright side and work through everything. I hope I have the kind of resilience you're displaying when life throws me a curveball down the line. Good luck with your new friends -- they sound like they are providing a good environment for you. Also, congrats on the date.

St.

 

[Fuzzy Fungi]

That truly is a vacuum. I'm glad there's a light at the end of your tunnel, and I hope it continues to get brighter.

 

[Bevlina]

Moved from G.A.

 

[Ben Borg Again]

thanks for the encouragment guys, I wouldnt wish this on my worst enemy.
I could write pages and pages but I will refrain.
We had such a positive relationship for 15 years , I was convinced we would grow old together. and everybody in my world thought we had the " perfect marraige"
All of the sudden overnight, after my wife went out, had sex with a guy ( her first sexual experience with another person besides myself) and rubbed it in my face the next morning( over an argument about spending money!) Her personality has changed %100. Alot of her family thinks she is exibiting a mental illness like multiple personality. Its as if she never knew me. She has always been emotionaly underdeveloped,ungrounded, and very materialistic at the same time she always treated me like I was her hero, always very enthusiastic and full of smiles to see me, always very affectionate, and it all changed overnight.... all because of money.

This what it must feel like when a father must let his rebellious daughter go and expereince the " real world" knowing that she will end up hurt and broken in the end. Because I have always been the " father figure" to my wife, her voice of reason and the foundation.
It really hurts beyond description.

 

[Blessed2003]

thanks for the encouragment guys, I wouldnt wish this on my worst enemy.
I could write pages and pages but I will refrain.
We had such a positive relationship for 15 years , I was convinced we would grow old together. and everybody in my world thought we had the " perfect marraige"
All of the sudden overnight, after my wife went out, had sex with a guy ( her first sexual experience with another person besides myself) and rubbed it in my face the next morning( over an argument about spending money!) Her personality has changed %100. Alot of her family thinks she is exibiting a mental illness like multiple personality. Its as if she never knew me. She has always been emotionaly underdeveloped,ungrounded, and very materialistic at the same time she always treated me like I was her hero, always very enthusiastic and full of smiles to see me, always very affectionate, and it all changed overnight.... all because of money.

This what it must feel like when a father must let his rebellious daughter go and expereince the " real world" knowing that she will end up hurt and broken in the end. Because I have always been the " father figure" to my wife, her voice of reason and the foundation.
It really hurts beyond description.

Geeze, I'm really sorry that you and your daughter are having to experience this. I don't have any good advice, just wanted to let you know your family is in my prayers.
God Bless,
B~

 

[Received]

Maybe she is sick, and needs help. I'm being serious. If it is as extreme as you make it sound, advise her to get an MRI.

Unless you have noticed little characteristics that were otherwise too trivial to consider that relate to her change now.

I really don't know how to help you there. The brute explanation of money doesn't seem to cover it all. She either dropped ways of acting that seem to make sense in being a motivational cause in changing, or she really is a genius at holding down her true feelings.

I don't know. I hope things make sense for you eventually.

Best regards,

John

 

[bethdinsmore]

Hi there
So sorry for the pain you must be having. Congrats on your stand for unconditional acceptance. I know from a similar experience that it is not easy, to put it mildly.

As a former atheist and now a Christian, I'd like to put in a plug for apologetics also, but to round out what you are reading, Christian bookstores also have a lot of books on apologetics and the subdivision of Christian (external) evidences.

God bless you, friend. Aloha in Jesus

 

[Ben Borg Again]

Maybe she is sick, and needs help. I'm being serious. If it is as extreme as you make it sound, advise her to get an MRI.

Unless you have noticed little characteristics that were otherwise too trivial to consider that relate to her change now.

I really don't know how to help you there. The brute explanation of money doesn't seem to cover it all. She either dropped ways of acting that seem to make sense in being a motivational cause in changing, or she really is a genius at holding down her true feelings.

I don't know. I hope things make sense for you eventually.

Best regards,

John

Hi John, thnks for the advice and input.
My wife has exibited pathological behaviour before,
when we had our 2month preemy daughter when she was 19,
The hospital called Social Services due to my wifes strange beahaviour towards our daughter. They told me in private not to let my daughter alone with my wife, for the safety of my daughter.
For the first 2 years, I worked night shift and would come home and take care and feed my infant daughter while my newlywed wife would pretend my daughter didnt exist. after so many months my mother had to take care of/ feed my daughter. while my wife was in deep denial and pretended she didnt have a daughter... It s complicated and hard to explain over forum....
during this time I worked nights, and was up during the day to feed my daughter, take care of her.
this went on for I think 1.5 years, and my wife snapped out of it.

My coping mechanism was the wonderful world of smoking weed, which helped me maintain a positive attitude during the whole process, and also pretty much caused me alot of memory loss during this time ( which helps not to dwell upon it and become angery over the whole situation)
After it was all over and done with and my wife was acting like a real mother after a year or so, she started working again and we never really talked about it after that. And that happened 8 years ago
I assumed it due to depression and being a teenage mother, so I forgave that and continued on with life without having resentment towards her. ( easy to do if you dont have much memory of it LOL)

 

[Harlan Norris]

Man are you ever in a twist. I'd advise you to stop eves dropping on her e-mail, and cell phone. The church you are attending sounds like it was planted by the devil himself. This bad turn of events may or may not be your fault. It is for the moment her decision. In the end we are only responsible for ( what we do ). So, see to your children, and get a grip. I'd advise counseling, Christian counseling might be best. Faith in Jesus Christ has made a huge difference in my life. It certainly will in yours.

 

[Blessed2003]

Hi John, thnks for the advice and input.
My wife has exibited pathological behaviour before,
when we had our 2month preemy daughter when she was 19,
The hospital called Social Services due to my wifes strange beahaviour towards our daughter. They told me in private not to let my daughter alone with my wife, for the safety of my daughter.
For the first 2 years, I worked night shift and would come home and take care and feed my infant daughter while my newlywed wife would pretend my daughter didnt exist. after so many months my mother had to take care of/ feed my daughter. while my wife was in deep denial and pretended she didnt have a daughter... It s complicated and hard to explain over forum....
during this time I worked nights, and was up during the day to feed my daughter, take care of her.
this went on for I think 1.5 years, and my wife snapped out of it.

My coping mechanism was the wonderful world of smoking weed, which helped me maintain a positive attitude during the whole process, and also pretty much caused me alot of memory loss during this time ( which helps not to dwell upon it and become angery over the whole situation)
After it was all over and done with and my wife was acting like a real mother after a year or so, she started working again and we never really talked about it after that. And that happened 8 years ago
I assumed it due to depression and being a teenage mother, so I forgave that and continued on with life without having resentment towards her. ( easy to do if you dont have much memory of it LOL)

BBA, yes, definately something is off, maybe chemically, (i am no Dr.) but I want you to consider something, since I have loads of experience I can say this, just because you have 'memory loss' due to lots of weed smoking does not mean you don't have a resentment, it could be masking 'itself' in another form, be aware that only resolution of events resolves resentments, they don't just go away when you shove them down inside, they fester and grow and morph into other issues, but trust me they never go away.
If you could talk about how it makes or made you feel that would help you to see it in a more realistic way, come on, who wouldn't have a resentment, noone is perfect!
Anway, your in my thoughts, and my heart goes out.
B~

 

[Ben Borg Again]

thanks for the input y'all.
Yesterday morning I finally forced my wife to be honest with me. winds up she has been lieing, dishonest, and unfaithful for the past month, she has been lieing in my face when she swears she was being honest. I already knew this is the back of my head, but continued on in false hope since she swore she wasnt seeing anyone,
anyway we sign the divorce papers in a few days.
Its nice to finaaly get some resolution. so I can move on.

 

[Anti Existance]

if the woman starts to make more money and is feeling she can do everything ; she zill need time to find out that thats not the truth; sure money can buy you anything * yeah right* just let her collapse on the face and then point out how wrong she was in her thinking: