my boyfriend is best friends with this couple. i heard so many great things about them just how they are a really great christian couple. well almost every occasion i have been near one or the other, they have been very rude to me, and i have talked with my bf about it but its doesnt seem to help. i need to go to church i want to keep my relationship with god strong, thats the most important thing. but because of them being so rude...i get nervous at the thought of having to go there again. i see all these people shaking there handing and them being so nice to everyone....except me. i dont want to go back to that church i really dont...but its my bfs home church....i honestly dont know what to do...should i just go and turn the other cheek? i wont be rude to them but i dont want to be friends with them either..and they feel the same way apparently.
unkind people at church...
- Thread starter laceyintulsa
- Start date
Is there any reason that you have to associate with that couple at church? Seems like you can still attend a church without being around a certain person.
I would ask your boyfriend what he thinks about the situation. He could probably give the best advice, since he is closest to the situation.
I would ask your boyfriend what he thinks about the situation. He could probably give the best advice, since he is closest to the situation.
Upvote
0
the couple...well the husband plays in the church band with my bf...so after the service is over...my bf stands there and talks to his friend and the wife, the rude ones...i guess i could just go...and when the service is over...just wait outside. i know it sounds childish...but i forgive them for being rude....but i just dont want to be around people like that, they dont seem accepting of me.
Upvote
0
- Oct 21, 2011
- 8,089
- 4,079
- Country
- Canada
- Faith
- Pentecostal
- Marital Status
- Single
- Politics
- CA-Conservatives
Oh my, I sure do feel for you. I am sorry your bf is not supportive of you in this area. Does he not believe it is happening?
For myself I would be really nice to those people despite how they treat you. If they continue to upset you every Sunday - I suggest not going. For myself I would not want to go anymore if they keep being so rude, unless somehow the Lord tells you to keep going.
If your bf does not support you in this it will be very hard. Do you want to marry him? well if you do you sure would want him to support you while you were married.
Well, that's all I will say for now. Pray about it and may the Lord help you in this difficult situation.
For myself I would be really nice to those people despite how they treat you. If they continue to upset you every Sunday - I suggest not going. For myself I would not want to go anymore if they keep being so rude, unless somehow the Lord tells you to keep going.
If your bf does not support you in this it will be very hard. Do you want to marry him? well if you do you sure would want him to support you while you were married.
Well, that's all I will say for now. Pray about it and may the Lord help you in this difficult situation.
Upvote
0
Kensington7
At War in the Heavenlies
Befriend someone else in the church. Find another someone your age to talk to after services while he chats with them. I would not sit in the car or avoid them. Stand with him, ask him to be open to seeing how they treat you.
Has something happened to cause this? Maybe they think you are not right for him, or think something about him has changed since he started dating you? Or maybe they had someone they wanted him to meet and he met you? There are so many things that could be factoring in to this. Remain chaste, polite and humble around them, give them no cause. And, ask him to be more alert to them being rude to you.
Good luck.
Has something happened to cause this? Maybe they think you are not right for him, or think something about him has changed since he started dating you? Or maybe they had someone they wanted him to meet and he met you? There are so many things that could be factoring in to this. Remain chaste, polite and humble around them, give them no cause. And, ask him to be more alert to them being rude to you.
Good luck.
Upvote
0
really tho...any reason they could possibly have to why they are being rude to me...is just wrong. i have never been rude to them, always nice.....idk...it seems to be more of an issue that i dont go to my bfs church...wouldnt it be a bigger issue if i didnt believe in god??? life is so hard
Upvote
0
- Oct 21, 2011
- 8,089
- 4,079
- Country
- Canada
- Faith
- Pentecostal
- Marital Status
- Single
- Politics
- CA-Conservatives
You mean they are rude to you because you belong to another church? that's sad. If you believe in God the same way your bf does, that is what is important.
Upvote
0
- Mar 24, 2011
- 4,761
- 1,399
- Country
- United States
- Faith
- Christian
- Marital Status
- Married
What you need to do is forgive them, first of all. Second, you should pray that God give you wisdom to deal with that situation. Don't do anything rash, and don't take Satans bait. You need to pay more attention to what the Lord has for you to do than how some people are treating you. You're going to that church for a reason, so find out what that is.
Upvote
0
o no they are just rude to me because i believe they think im not good enough for my bf and also because i have been trouble finding a job.
Upvote
0
This site stays free and accessible to all because of donations from people like you.
Consider making a one-time or monthly donation. We appreciate your support!
- Dan Doughty and Team Christian Forums
I guess just don't let it make you mad. Sometimes people love to intimidate others and letting them get to you is letting them sort of "win."
Kill 'em with kindess and just keep trying whenever the situation arises.
Or honestly, just avoid them. If they're not giving *you* the time of day, why should you?
(Jesus didn't waste his time when people didn't listen. He walked away when the situation arose).
Kill 'em with kindess and just keep trying whenever the situation arises.
Or honestly, just avoid them. If they're not giving *you* the time of day, why should you?
(Jesus didn't waste his time when people didn't listen. He walked away when the situation arose).
Upvote
0
hopeinGod
A voice crying in the wilderness
- Jul 26, 2004
- 1,584
- 172
- Faith
- Christian
- Marital Status
- Single
- Politics
- US-Republican
Why not confront them? Be open about the way these people treat you. Make a matter-of-fact statement, not a blatant accusation. Ask one of them, or both, if you can have a few private minutes with them. Ask, "Is there something I've done that has offended you? I ask this because I don't feel well accepted when I'm around you. Will you please explain this to me?"
If they remark that it's all in your head, them repeat to them what they've said to you or explain to them what it is you're encountering while around them. It's oftentimes better to get it out in the open, bring it to the light.
For many, many years, I was seldom acknowledged while I attended several Charismatic churches in my twenties. Very little money was I able to give to any of the groups because I was struggling financially to get through college. To them, it was obvious, I was a pauper, and therefore of little use toward paying the bills, despite the fact that I helped to lead worship as the groups' bass player.
Years later, after I was hired for a decent, well-paying position, I bought a home, had a few bucks in my pocket, and routinely attended a nondenom group that met in an elementary school. Unlike times past, I was able to give, and did regularly, through checks that contained my name. The response from leadership was unlike anything I experienced while I was a part of the other churches. The pastor shook my hand, asked me how my week went, and even requested I teach an adult Sunday school class.
Believe me when I write that money can often speak volumes to the spiritually ambitious. When you give, you instantly become a contributor, someone who they can count on.
One day, you'll be able to contribute, and their arms will be open wide to you. It's part of the hypocrisy that is fairly rampant in so many chuches.
If they remark that it's all in your head, them repeat to them what they've said to you or explain to them what it is you're encountering while around them. It's oftentimes better to get it out in the open, bring it to the light.
For many, many years, I was seldom acknowledged while I attended several Charismatic churches in my twenties. Very little money was I able to give to any of the groups because I was struggling financially to get through college. To them, it was obvious, I was a pauper, and therefore of little use toward paying the bills, despite the fact that I helped to lead worship as the groups' bass player.
Years later, after I was hired for a decent, well-paying position, I bought a home, had a few bucks in my pocket, and routinely attended a nondenom group that met in an elementary school. Unlike times past, I was able to give, and did regularly, through checks that contained my name. The response from leadership was unlike anything I experienced while I was a part of the other churches. The pastor shook my hand, asked me how my week went, and even requested I teach an adult Sunday school class.
Believe me when I write that money can often speak volumes to the spiritually ambitious. When you give, you instantly become a contributor, someone who they can count on.
One day, you'll be able to contribute, and their arms will be open wide to you. It's part of the hypocrisy that is fairly rampant in so many chuches.
Upvote
0
AmbryRye
Christian with Asperger's Syndrome
You can't judge a church by its people because we are all sinners and all fall short of the Glory of God.
Beyond this couple, do you like the church?
In the service, does God show up? Do you feel God move?
Do you feel you are being edified?
Are you growing spiritually?
If you said yes to these, then do this.
Pray about the situation. Pray that the couple's hearts are softened towards you, that God move on them.
Then ask Him to change you. Yes, ask Him to change you. Being a Christian is tough. You will face persecution, Jesus promised us that. Ask God to give you a thicker skin, to give you wisdom in dealing with the situation, to give you courage to reach out though you may be rejected, to give you discernment to know the root of the problem (I can assure you, it is not YOU).
As He gives you these things, use them to approach the couple with lovingkindness. We are supposed to pray for the people who are not kind to us and to be kind to them.
Reach out, smile, talk and if they do not respond in a loving, Godly way, know that you have done as God commanded all of us to do. You did the right thing.
Remember Romans 12:20:
20 But if your enemy is hungry, feed him, and if he is thirsty, give him a drink; for in so doing you will heap burning coals on his head
Beyond this couple, do you like the church?
In the service, does God show up? Do you feel God move?
Do you feel you are being edified?
Are you growing spiritually?
If you said yes to these, then do this.
Pray about the situation. Pray that the couple's hearts are softened towards you, that God move on them.
Then ask Him to change you. Yes, ask Him to change you. Being a Christian is tough. You will face persecution, Jesus promised us that. Ask God to give you a thicker skin, to give you wisdom in dealing with the situation, to give you courage to reach out though you may be rejected, to give you discernment to know the root of the problem (I can assure you, it is not YOU).
As He gives you these things, use them to approach the couple with lovingkindness. We are supposed to pray for the people who are not kind to us and to be kind to them.
Reach out, smile, talk and if they do not respond in a loving, Godly way, know that you have done as God commanded all of us to do. You did the right thing.
Remember Romans 12:20:
20 But if your enemy is hungry, feed him, and if he is thirsty, give him a drink; for in so doing you will heap burning coals on his head
Upvote
0
- Oct 21, 2011
- 8,089
- 4,079
- Country
- Canada
- Faith
- Pentecostal
- Marital Status
- Single
- Politics
- CA-Conservatives
Oh that's sad. God told us to love each other, He is no respector of persons. God loves you just as your are and you are special in His sight! they should love as God loves!
It can be hard to find a job now a days, I hope you find one. Praying for you and your difficult situation.
It can be hard to find a job now a days, I hope you find one. Praying for you and your difficult situation.
Upvote
0
sigh... firstly, talk to them to see if there is some misunderstanding
if they are still nasty, find a diff church where you feel you belong
i would suggest a big church, where you could avoid ppl you dont want to engage with.
as church is not perfect, but that doesnt mean you should let them hurt you.
leave their not nice behaviours for God to deal with, believe me, God is righteous.
btw, i am suprise your bf is not more supportive
but yes, you need to forgive them, dont open doors to any bitterness.
Last edited:
Upvote
0
This site stays free and accessible to all because of donations from people like you.
Consider making a one-time or monthly donation. We appreciate your support!
- Dan Doughty and Team Christian Forums
Could be you are there to show them a better way and that through the peace of God you will conquer their resistance to you.
Romans 12:14-21
Rom 12:14 Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse them.
Rom 12:15 Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep.
Rom 12:16 Live in harmony with one another. Do not be haughty, but associate with the lowly. Never be wise in your own sight.
Rom 12:17 Repay no one evil for evil, but give thought to do what is honorable in the sight of all.
Rom 12:18 If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all.
Rom 12:19 Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, "Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord."
Rom 12:20 To the contrary, "if your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink; for by so doing you will heap burning coals on his head."
Rom 12:21 Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.
Romans 12:14-21
Rom 12:14 Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse them.
Rom 12:15 Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep.
Rom 12:16 Live in harmony with one another. Do not be haughty, but associate with the lowly. Never be wise in your own sight.
Rom 12:17 Repay no one evil for evil, but give thought to do what is honorable in the sight of all.
Rom 12:18 If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all.
Rom 12:19 Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, "Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord."
Rom 12:20 To the contrary, "if your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink; for by so doing you will heap burning coals on his head."
Rom 12:21 Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.
Upvote
0
poetforjesus
Newbie
Here's another way to view things.
Just because you are dating your boyfriend doesn't mean you have to go to the same church he goes to. So if you are uncomfortable in this church, then go to another one. God wants you to be at a church wher eyou can worship Him in spirit and truth.
Try talking to your boyfriend about this. If you already have, do it again! If he doesn't seem to care about that, then I wonder if he really loves you at all. As your boyfriend, he should care about what you think. He should not put up with his friends being rude to you. If he doesn't stand up for you, then you need to pray about if your boyfriend is the right one for you. What's going to happen if something more serious comes up, and he doesn't defend you then?
Just because you are dating your boyfriend doesn't mean you have to go to the same church he goes to. So if you are uncomfortable in this church, then go to another one. God wants you to be at a church wher eyou can worship Him in spirit and truth.
Try talking to your boyfriend about this. If you already have, do it again! If he doesn't seem to care about that, then I wonder if he really loves you at all. As your boyfriend, he should care about what you think. He should not put up with his friends being rude to you. If he doesn't stand up for you, then you need to pray about if your boyfriend is the right one for you. What's going to happen if something more serious comes up, and he doesn't defend you then?
Upvote
0
- Mar 24, 2011
- 4,761
- 1,399
- Country
- United States
- Faith
- Christian
- Marital Status
- Married
Question..are you guys staying pure? Are you dating with the intention of getting married? If not, you have the answer to all of your problems. You also know what God wants you to do.
Upvote
0
Similar threads
