Thinking of Switching Parishes

[Ann_of_Love]

My parish is small. We're a handful of people, without enough money for a regular priest, and the group is elderly, on the whole.

Everyone is very nice, but I feel alone, and like I'm getting no spiritual direction. The sermons are forgettable, there's no Bible study or any sort of instruction.

I miss the community feeling of my old parish (which is over 2 hours away.) I miss that the sermons were mostly memorable, applicable to the readings and left me feeling like I have some work to do, whether simply on myself as an individual, or for others (and usually both.)

The problem is that I feel guilty. The people are nice at my current parish. I feel terrible for wanting something more.

Advice?

 

[Wigglesworth]

It is not a sin to want something more. Do you have something to offer that would provide something more for everyone at your current parish?

 

[PaladinValer]

Ask yourself this: how are you fulfilling your part in the Mystical Body of Christ by not wanting to communicate with those where you are?

Is there any mission you can do? What part do you fulfill where you are?

"What I want" has not place in orthodox theology. It is "what we believe" and "what we need". Where you are shouldn't matter unless your charisms are best used elsewhere.

 

[Ann_of_Love]

I'm not sure I follow "not communicate with those where you are."

I do the readings when I'm scheduled, and I take care of our parish's facebook.

We have no choir, and I cannot sing well, regardless. We have no ministry offerings, and so few people and little resources, that I'm not sure how I could get us the energy to create one. I'm not arrogant enough to suggest I lead a Bible study. I suggested that we have an ecumenical evening service and fellowship for those who work Sunday mornings, but it seems that a Lutheran church tried it once, and it didn't work out. I've been with the parish for such a short time, that no one would recognize me if I were to visit shut-ins.

What would you suggest I do? I don't know. I'm just sort of there.

 

[PaladinValer]

I'm not sure I follow "not communicate with those where you are."

It means you don't wish to remain in immediate communion with them; you wish to leave. How are you fulfilling being a part of the Church, which is the Mystical Body of Christ, by wanting to no longer be in immediate communion with those where you are?

It is a serious issue because it says something about ecclesiology. St. Paul makes it fundamentally clear that all people are as parts of an organism; one part cannot say "I have no need of you" because they are all interdependent with each other.

There needs to be a truly legitimate reason to want to remove oneself from a local congregation.

I do the readings when I'm scheduled, and I take care of our parish's facebook.

That's your function of the congregation. That's your part of the organism. That's your ministry.

We have no choir, and I cannot sing well, regardless. We have no ministry offerings, and so few people and little resources, that I'm not sure how I could get us the energy to create one. I'm not arrogant enough to suggest I lead a Bible study. I suggested that we have an ecumenical evening service and fellowship for those who work Sunday mornings, but it seems that a Lutheran church tried it once, and it didn't work out. I've been with the parish for such a short time, that no one would recognize me if I were to visit shut-ins.

But Ann, look above. How is being a lector and running the parish facebook page not a ministry?

What would you suggest I do? I don't know. I'm just sort of there.

You've just suggested otherwise.

What is the real reason for your longing to leave? Because you are younger than most parishioners? Because it is a small parish? Because you miss your old one? Let me be honest: I attend a mostly elderly parish that is smaller than my previous one and I do miss my old one. A lot. I know of a great parish that is even high-church, which is my churchship, about 3.5 hours away...I even have family in the area. But it would be wrong of me to leave. Why? Because there is no actual need; I have a license to lay read and to offer the chalice at Communion, which I fulfill several times a month. I lead the acolyte guild, I help with Sunday School, I mentor...I have a lot of ministries. Furthermore, I have helped contribute to build a younger following, which is slowly but surely growing, and our parish is now growing.

It would be a sin, an outright sin, for me to leave. It would be me just gratifying my tastes and wants over that of everyone else. I love my smells and bells, but for me to just abandon everything I do for where I am now for that is absolutely and inexcusably wrong. I have no need to move; I don't have a job offer where that other parish is...I haven't been asked to move by my current one...there is no family emergency that requires my immediate attention...it would be just selfish and self-gratification.

You have an important role where you are! Why abandon it? You seem to understand that there are implications for your leaving; I would warrant those feelings to God the Holy Spirit telling you to stick around. Explore what more you can do; God has a funny way of providing you with opportunities and even showing you latent talents that you didn't even know you had. He's certainly surprised me so far this year; I hoped for years but God, in His due time, rewarded my faith which what has happened this year. I'm blessed for it and you can be too.

Don't leave. Unless there is a truly legitimate reason, like an emergency, job, or really poor theology that goes uncorrected, you have a role where you are. You have a ministry that people look to you to work. Keep it, and thank God for it.

 

[Albion]

This situation is not unusual, if that's any consolation. My advice would be to stay with this parish because (I presume) you believe it is doctrinally correct and you appreciate liturgical worship, etc. BUT at the same time get involved with some inter-church or multi-faith organizations in your community.

The idea of putting your energies into associations like choir or etc. obviously requires your own parish to have them! I appreciate the reality there, but there are a lot of associations outside the parish that provide similar opportunities. I assure you that some can be very rewarding and compensate for the gaps in your own parish's life.

My parish is small. We're a handful of people, without enough money for a regular priest, and the group is elderly, on the whole.

Everyone is very nice, but I feel alone, and like I'm getting no spiritual direction. The sermons are forgettable, there's no Bible study or any sort of instruction.

I miss the community feeling of my old parish (which is over 2 hours away.) I miss that the sermons were mostly memorable, applicable to the readings and left me feeling like I have some work to do, whether simply on myself as an individual, or for others (and usually both.)

The problem is that I feel guilty. The people are nice at my current parish. I feel terrible for wanting something more.

Advice?

 

[mark46]

You have been given good advice.

You say that you have been at your current church for a short time. I presume that you have explored the other churches in the area.

I too would recommend activities involving other churches and organizations.
You speak of spiritual development. Perhaps there is a bible study at another church that is open to non-parishioners (most are). Perhaps there are other programs in another church or in the community.

God has placed you where he has placed you, in your community. As my pastor once advised me, find a church that is doing God's work and get to work.
In your case, if you are doing all you can in your church, consider other opportunities to God's work in your community.

As an aside, it is not arrogant to start a bible study. There are many resources available. No one needs to be the leader. More needed is a coordinator.

 

[Ann_of_Love]

I have looked into Bible studies and other programs at other Episcopal churches. They're all on Sunday, and an hour in the opposite direction (I'm smack in the middle; no Episcopal churches in my immediate area). I might look into what the Lutheran or Catholic churches offer.

It's just very disheartening to feel so spiritually stagnant, and to not have much in the way of Christian friendship. Kyri over on TAW is the only person my age I can discuss theological things with. No one in my geological location is interested, unless they're Evangelical, and I tried that as a teenager (it did not work out well.)

 

[MKJ]

This situation is not unusual, if that's any consolation. My advice would be to stay with this parish because (I presume) you believe it is doctrinally correct and you appreciate liturgical worship, etc. BUT at the same time get involved with some inter-church or multi-faith organizations in your community.

The idea of putting your energies into associations like choir or etc. obviously requires your own parish to have them! I appreciate the reality there, but there are a lot of associations outside the parish that provide similar opportunities. I assure you that some can be very rewarding and compensate for the gaps in your own parish's life.

Yes, i would agree with this as a possible approach. It may be that your parish is just never going to be large enough to offer all of the things a larger one might, and inter-christian groups can be a way to help with that.

If your parish seems to be dying, that may be more difficult, as eventually you and others may have to reach a decision that it is not really a viable group any more.

I think one thing you mentioned that others did not seem to pick up on is that you feel you are not getting the spiritual care or direction you need. That is a natural problem without a rector, and it is something that it can be difficult to find in inter-christian groups. It might be something to talk to with whomever does your services.

I agree with Marks suggestion that a Bible study may be possible - it is not uncommon that the real need is for someone to organize, or provide a meeting place, and that sort of thing. Another person may be able to lead, or there may be a group resource you can that requires no real leader - though I have had bad experiences with those kinds of groups on occasion.

You could also look at going to another groups Bible study as well - a Catholic or Lutheran study might work for you.

 

[Ann_of_Love]

Thanks MKJ. The lack of spiritual direction really is the biggest problem. I'm a smells n' bells girl, but I also realize those are aesthetic, and one can grow without them.

Even when we had a priest, I was on my own. Our Bible study was lead by "what did you think about that passage?", and people would fixate on the historical stuff. Having studied the Bible in a historical context at college, I would end up explaining a lot of things, rather than learning. "To teach is to learn twice," but I would really like a more spiritual exegesis of the text, specifically from an Anglican viewpoint.

At my old parish, I never had a one-on-one spiritual director sort of thing going on, but the sermons were amazing, in that our priest at once brought forth a meaning of the text, and made it applicable.

I'll soon be picking up a job in the human services, and I'm very excited, because I've always been certain that this is the way I am meant to serve God and His people. Maybe I will feel better, then.

 

[Dewi Sant]

I wonder if it would be possible to attend each parish simultaneously?
At least, until you are more certain as to where God is calling you.


Yes, it is important to be faithful to a local church, but if that church provides little room for personal spiritual growth, there is a problem.

I currently attend three different Anglican churches, all of different traditions.
Sunday morning - High church (Anglo-Catholic). "Mass", bells, smells, organ.
Sunday afternoon - Broad church (I guess it could be called 'informal'). Emphasis on fellowship and listening to the gospel in a contemporary way.
Thursday evening - Evangelical (house group [church service on at same time as High church place]).

I am so blessed to be a member of these three very different places and I find that each of them gives me inspiration to encourage the other.
Something I have a bit of a problem with is being labelled. I used to enjoy it because it was helpful in gaining identity. People thought (some still do think) of me as an 'Anglo-Catholic', but I consider myself 'Christian' first, Anglican second, and well, I leave it at that. And yes, I know what a maniple is and how to use it.


For spiritual direction.
Have you checked your diocese (website perhaps?) for a list of spiritual directors?
I found mine that way.
Otherwise, you could always ask your vicar to put you in contact with one.

 

[ebia]

Thanks MKJ. The lack of spiritual direction really is the biggest problem. I'm a smells n' bells girl, but I also realize those are aesthetic, and one can grow without them.

Even when we had a priest, I was on my own. Our Bible study was lead by "what did you think about that passage?", and people would fixate on the historical stuff. Having studied the Bible in a historical context at college, I would end up explaining a lot of things, rather than learning. "To teach is to learn twice," but I would really like a more spiritual exegesis of the text, specifically from an Anglican viewpoint.

At my old parish, I never had a one-on-one spiritual director sort of thing going on, but the sermons were amazing, in that our priest at once brought forth a meaning of the text, and made it applicable.

I'll soon be picking up a job in the human services, and I'm very excited, because I've always been certain that this is the way I am meant to serve God and His people. Maybe I will feel better, then.

Does your spiritual direction and theological growth have to come through the parish?

 

[Ann_of_Love]

I would generally assume one's home parish and community to be the normative place for spiritual direction and growth, but perhaps not.