I lost my virginity to Paul many years ago, when I was eighteen, and when he was twenty, and neither of us were married. I had read books by Christian authors about marriage, and some of them were pretty graphic and I completely decided that I was ready for marriage, especially after prayer. Now, when I was ten years old, I read my first romance novel, and I was shocked by the graphic nature of the author's description. I had a sexual experience when I was seventeen, but I did not lose my virginity. Things were awkward at first between me and Paul. He had slept with twelve young women before me, and they were not married. I always wanted to marry Paul. Things were awkward because I had doubts about my abilities, and I didn't want him to be my teacher. It was romantic, I guess. But I was crying all the time on our bed in the dorm room because I knew we were going to break up. We haven't been able to sleep with each other in many years, but as Jesus said, the two become one flesh, and no man must come between them. I'll tell you that I had sexual experiences with three men since him, but of course I was eighteen in 1996. About the first one, and the relationship lasted about nine months. The second one lasted about three months. The third one lasted about a year and a half. I felt I needed sex, even though Paul was not present in my life. But no one had wanted to marry me. I am in my thirties, all three of the men happened in my thirties, and they were in their forties. Completely not interested in marrying me. Marriage is not something that everyone receives from God... I say this matter-of-factly, well, because I have seen with my own two eyes that not every Christian becomes part of a marital relationship, becomes a spouse. In the beginning, of course things were awkward. Little fights happened. I remember he made fun of my snoring in the beginning, and threatened to break up with me. As time has progressed, I have come to this question: if things did not run smoothly in the beginning, many years ago, and part of it was our sexuality, does that necessarily reflect our future relationship? I have heard it can get better and better. I come to you with a question, not an authority on the subject so much, but because I realize that I am not in the beginning of a relationship, nor am I towards the end. I do not consider myself a budding marriage, nor do I consider myself a mature marriage. I would like a little helping hand from a person in a mature marriage, and please let God help interpret what I mean by mature marriage.