The laughter thread.

[WarriorAngel]

 

[WarriorAngel]

Well - that didn't work

You having problems too?

 

[Anhelyna]

Nope - Have had problems though and find the easiest way to get a piccie on is to use the Link thingy rather than the Image [ the wee square with the sort of mountains on it ]

Then having done that I try and get a preview

 

[WarriorAngel]

Nope - Have had problems though and find the easiest way to get a piccie on is to use the Link thingy rather than the Image [ the wee square with the sort of mountains on it ]

Then having done that I try and get a preview

I've been using the mountain thingy - but its not cooperating today.
Maybe i can preview it... i wonder if that changes it.

 

[Anhelyna]

Preview doesn't change it - but it let's you see if it's going to work

 

[WarriorAngel]

Thanks...
Maybe later i guess. Obviously not now.

 

[Colin]

An elderly couple walk hand in hand into a fast food restaurant one cold winter evening.

They look out of place amid the young families and young couples eating there that night. Some of the customers look admiringly at them.

"There's a couple who have been through a lot together, probably for 70 years or more!" one of the on-lookers comments to his friends.

Meanwhile the little old man walks up to the cash register, places his order with no hesitation and pays for their meal.

The couple take a table near the back wall and start taking food off of the tray.

There is one hamburger, one order of French fries and one drink. The little old man unwraps the plain hamburger and carefully cuts it in half, placing one half in front of his wife.

Then he carefully counts out the French fries, divides them in two piles and neatly places one pile in front of his wife.

He then takes a sip of the drink and his wife does likewise, setting the cup down between them.

As the man begins to eat his few bites of hamburger the crowd of youngsters begin to feel sorry for the couple. "That poor old couple. All they can afford is one meal for the two of them," one of them remarks.

Finally, as the man tucks into his pile of French fries, one young man from the group approaches the old couples' table and politely offers to buy them another meal.

"We're just fine," replies the old man. "We're used to sharing everything."

Satisfied, the young man returns to his table but when one of his friends remarks , "But look, the old lady hasn't even taken a bite. She's just sat there watching her husband eat and occasionally taking turns sipping the drink."

So once more the young man goes over and this time he begs them to let him buy them something to eat.

"No, we're fine, honestly. We're used to sharing everything," says the old lady as the little old man finishes eating and she wipes his face neatly with a napkin.

The young man can stand it no longer and after being politely refused again he finally plucks up the courage to confront the old lady.

"Excuse me madam, but why aren't you eating? You said that you share everything, but you haven't touched any of your food? What is it that you are waiting for?"

She answered........"The teeth."

 

[WarriorAngel]

An elderly couple walk hand in hand into a fast food restaurant one cold winter evening.

They look out of place amid the young families and young couples eating there that night. Some of the customers look admiringly at them.

"There's a couple who have been through a lot together, probably for 70 years or more!" one of the on-lookers comments to his friends.

Meanwhile the little old man walks up to the cash register, places his order with no hesitation and pays for their meal.

The couple take a table near the back wall and start taking food off of the tray.

There is one hamburger, one order of French fries and one drink. The little old man unwraps the plain hamburger and carefully cuts it in half, placing one half in front of his wife.

Then he carefully counts out the French fries, divides them in two piles and neatly places one pile in front of his wife.

He then takes a sip of the drink and his wife does likewise, setting the cup down between them.

As the man begins to eat his few bites of hamburger the crowd of youngsters begin to feel sorry for the couple. "That poor old couple. All they can afford is one meal for the two of them," one of them remarks.

Finally, as the man tucks into his pile of French fries, one young man from the group approaches the old couples' table and politely offers to buy them another meal.

"We're just fine," replies the old man. "We're used to sharing everything."

Satisfied, the young man returns to his table but when one of his friends remarks , "But look, the old lady hasn't even taken a bite. She's just sat there watching her husband eat and occasionally taking turns sipping the drink."

So once more the young man goes over and this time he begs them to let him buy them something to eat.

"No, we're fine, honestly. We're used to sharing everything," says the old lady as the little old man finishes eating and she wipes his face neatly with a napkin.

The young man can stand it no longer and after being politely refused again he finally plucks up the courage to confront the old lady.

"Excuse me madam, but why aren't you eating? You said that you share everything, but you haven't touched any of your food? What is it that you are waiting for?"

She answered........"The teeth."

OMGOSH lol

 

[Anhelyna]

Colin - you have surpassed yourself with that one

 

[brinny]

An elderly couple walk hand in hand into a fast food restaurant one cold winter evening.

They look out of place amid the young families and young couples eating there that night. Some of the customers look admiringly at them.

"There's a couple who have been through a lot together, probably for 70 years or more!" one of the on-lookers comments to his friends.

Meanwhile the little old man walks up to the cash register, places his order with no hesitation and pays for their meal.

The couple take a table near the back wall and start taking food off of the tray.

There is one hamburger, one order of French fries and one drink. The little old man unwraps the plain hamburger and carefully cuts it in half, placing one half in front of his wife.

Then he carefully counts out the French fries, divides them in two piles and neatly places one pile in front of his wife.

He then takes a sip of the drink and his wife does likewise, setting the cup down between them.

As the man begins to eat his few bites of hamburger the crowd of youngsters begin to feel sorry for the couple. "That poor old couple. All they can afford is one meal for the two of them," one of them remarks.

Finally, as the man tucks into his pile of French fries, one young man from the group approaches the old couples' table and politely offers to buy them another meal.

"We're just fine," replies the old man. "We're used to sharing everything."

Satisfied, the young man returns to his table but when one of his friends remarks , "But look, the old lady hasn't even taken a bite. She's just sat there watching her husband eat and occasionally taking turns sipping the drink."

So once more the young man goes over and this time he begs them to let him buy them something to eat.

"No, we're fine, honestly. We're used to sharing everything," says the old lady as the little old man finishes eating and she wipes his face neatly with a napkin.

The young man can stand it no longer and after being politely refused again he finally plucks up the courage to confront the old lady.

"Excuse me madam, but why aren't you eating? You said that you share everything, but you haven't touched any of your food? What is it that you are waiting for?"

She answered........"The teeth."

LOL!

 

[Tigger45]

An elderly couple walk hand in hand into a fast food restaurant one cold winter evening.

They look out of place amid the young families and young couples eating there that night. Some of the customers look admiringly at them.

"There's a couple who have been through a lot together, probably for 70 years or more!" one of the on-lookers comments to his friends.

Meanwhile the little old man walks up to the cash register, places his order with no hesitation and pays for their meal.

The couple take a table near the back wall and start taking food off of the tray.

There is one hamburger, one order of French fries and one drink. The little old man unwraps the plain hamburger and carefully cuts it in half, placing one half in front of his wife.

Then he carefully counts out the French fries, divides them in two piles and neatly places one pile in front of his wife.

He then takes a sip of the drink and his wife does likewise, setting the cup down between them.

As the man begins to eat his few bites of hamburger the crowd of youngsters begin to feel sorry for the couple. "That poor old couple. All they can afford is one meal for the two of them," one of them remarks.

Finally, as the man tucks into his pile of French fries, one young man from the group approaches the old couples' table and politely offers to buy them another meal.

"We're just fine," replies the old man. "We're used to sharing everything."

Satisfied, the young man returns to his table but when one of his friends remarks , "But look, the old lady hasn't even taken a bite. She's just sat there watching her husband eat and occasionally taking turns sipping the drink."

So once more the young man goes over and this time he begs them to let him buy them something to eat.

"No, we're fine, honestly. We're used to sharing everything," says the old lady as the little old man finishes eating and she wipes his face neatly with a napkin.

The young man can stand it no longer and after being politely refused again he finally plucks up the courage to confront the old lady.

"Excuse me madam, but why aren't you eating? You said that you share everything, but you haven't touched any of your food? What is it that you are waiting for?"

Wow! I don't care who it is, I can't even share a toothbrush! Lol

She answered........"The teeth."

 

[Colin]

Once upon a time , there lived a man who had a terrible passion for baked beans. He loved them but they had an embarrassing and somewhat lively reaction on him.

One day, he met a girl and fell in love. When it was apparent that they would marry, he thought to himself, 'She'll never go for me carrying on like that," so he made the supreme sacrifice, and soon after they got married.

On his birthday , a few months later , on the way home from work his car broke down, and , since they lived in the country , he phoned his wife to say that he would be a few hours late because he would have to walk home. On the way home, he passed a small cafe and the wonderful aroma of baked beans overwhelmed him.

Since he still had several miles to go, he figured he could walk off any ill effects before he got home. So he went in and ordered. By the time he left, he'd had three extra large helpings of baked beans.

All the way home, he putt-putted. He putted down one hill and putt-putted up the next. By the time he arrived home, he felt reasonably safe.

His wife met him at the door and seem excited. "Darling, I've got the most wonderful surprise for you for dinner tonight!" She then put a blindfold on him and led him into the dining room to his chair at the head of the table and made him promise not to peek.

At this point, he was beginning to feel another one brewing. Just as she was about to remove the blindfold, the telephone rang. She again made him promise not to peek until she returned, and she went to answer the telephone.
Whilst she was gone, he seized the opportunity. He shifted his weight to one leg, 'parrrp', and let one go. Not only was it loud, it was ripe as a rotten egg. He had a hard time breathing, so he felt for his napkin and fanned the air around him.

He had just started to feel better when another urge came on. He raised his leg and, 'rrriipppp!' It sounded like a lumpy diesel engine turning over on a cold morning, and smelled even worse. To refrain from gagging, he tried waving his arms around a while, hoping the smell would dissipate. Things had just about returned to normal when he felt the urge coming back once again.
He shifted his weight to his other leg and let go. This was a real blue ribbon winner: the windows rattled, the dishes on the table shook, and a minute later, the flowers on the table were dead.

While keeping an ear tuned into the conversation in the hallway , and keeping his promise of staying blindfolded, he carried on like this for the next ten minutes, farting and fanning them about with his napkin.

When he heard the telephone farewells, (indicating the end of his loneliness and freedom), he neatly laid his napkin on his lap and placed his hands on top of it. Smiling contently, he was a picture of innocence when his wife walked in.

Apologising for taking so long, she asked him if he had been peeking at the dinner. After assuring her that he hadn't, she removed the blindfold and yelled "SURPRISE!!!"

But to his surprise and horror , there were the twelve dinner guests seated around the dinner table for his surprise birthday party.

 

[Anhelyna]

Colin - where on earth do you find these

 

[Colin]

Colin - where on earth do you find these

In Accrington . There are some I daren't put on OBOB .

 

[Anhelyna]

Looking at some of those - I'm inclined to agree even though I've not seen 'em

 

[WarriorAngel]

Thats one of my fav's...
I chuckled as i read it - cos i knew what was coming.
The surprise would have really been - them still breathing. ROFL

 

[Colin]

A construction site boss was interviewing men for a job, when along came a man named Murphy.

The boss thought, "I'm not hiring that lazy Irishman," so he decided to set a test for Murphy, hoping he wouldn't be able to answer the questions.

The first question was, "Without using numbers, represent the number 9."

Murphy says, "Dat's easy," and proceeds to draw three trees.

The boss says,"What's that?" Murphy says "Tree 'n tree n' tree makes nine."

"Fair enough," says the boss.

Second question:
" Using the same rules, represent 99. " Murphy stares into space for a while, then makes a smudge on each tree. "Der ya go sir," he says.

The boss scratches his head and says, "How on earth do you get that to represent 99?" Murphy says "Each tree's dirty now! So it's dirty tree, n' dirty tree n' dirty tree, dats 99."

The boss is getting worried he's going to have to hire him, so he says "All right, question three. Same rules again, but represent the number 100."

Murphy stares into space again, then he shouts, "Got it!" He makes a little mark at the base of each tree, and says "There ya go sir, 100."


The boss looks at Murphy's attempt and thinks, "Ha! got him this time."
He says, "Go on Murphy, you must be mad if you think that represents a hundred."

Murphy leans forward and points to the marks at the tree bases, and says, "A little dog comes along and poohs by each tree, so now you've got, dirty tree an' a turd, dirty tree an' a turd, an' dirty tree an' a turd, which makes one hundred...... when do I start the job?"

 

[WarriorAngel]

LOL.
I beg to differ tho - the wee Irish dont speak like this me lad.

 

[Colin]

One afternoon a wealthy lawyer was riding in his limousine when he saw two men along the roadside eating grass.

Disturbed, he ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate.

He asked one man, "Why are you eating grass?"

"We don't have any money for food," the poor man replied. "We have to eat grass."

"Well, then, you can come with me to my house and I'll feed you" the lawyer said.

"But sir. I have a wife and two children with me.They are over there, under that tree".

"Bring them along," the lawyer replied.

Turning to the other poor man he stated, "You come with us also."

The second man, in a pitiful voice then said, "But sir, I also have a wife and SIX children with me!"

"Bring them all, as well," the lawyer answered.

They all entered the car, which was no easy task, even for a car as large as the limousine was.

Once underway, one of the poor fellows turned to the lawyer and said, "Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us with you."

The lawyer replied, "Glad to do it. You'll really love my place; the grass is almost a foot high!"

 

[Anhelyna]

oh Colin !!!!