I deleted the OP because I was not specific enough with my questions...too much background info. Sorry.
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The Heart of a Wife
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shinbits
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if she denies being the one for you after seven years, she's not the one for you.
and when you say she's acting like a wife toward you because she argues with you, well, boyfriend/girlfriends do that all the time. that's why people go often go through many relationships before they ever settle down.
besides, the "Heart of a Wife", according to the Biblical model, is not one who argues constantly, but one with a "quiet spirit".
you're not in a healthy relationship. it's better to move on.
and when you say she's acting like a wife toward you because she argues with you, well, boyfriend/girlfriends do that all the time. that's why people go often go through many relationships before they ever settle down.
besides, the "Heart of a Wife", according to the Biblical model, is not one who argues constantly, but one with a "quiet spirit".
you're not in a healthy relationship. it's better to move on.
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I agree with Shinbits. This does not sound like a relationship that is growing closer. You may need some time and space from one another. If she is God's chosen for you, she will realize it.
When I fell in love with my husband, I did not at all expect it. He was just another friend that I enjoyed spending time with. Until I realized that when I imagined my future, he was in it. That surprised me a great deal. It surprised me even more when he seemed to have the same idea, because he proposed to me.
Eighteen years later, I still cannot imagine my life without him. He is a great strength and comfort, my best friend and my lover, the one who lightens our days with laughter, who challenges me to get out of my ruts, who takes care of me, who leads our family. And I am his solid rock of calm and encouragement, who doesn't think his ideas are as hair-brained as he does and who helps him think them through until they're do-able.
When I fell in love with my husband, I did not at all expect it. He was just another friend that I enjoyed spending time with. Until I realized that when I imagined my future, he was in it. That surprised me a great deal. It surprised me even more when he seemed to have the same idea, because he proposed to me.
Eighteen years later, I still cannot imagine my life without him. He is a great strength and comfort, my best friend and my lover, the one who lightens our days with laughter, who challenges me to get out of my ruts, who takes care of me, who leads our family. And I am his solid rock of calm and encouragement, who doesn't think his ideas are as hair-brained as he does and who helps him think them through until they're do-able.
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Floatingaxe
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I certainly don't speak to my husband the way your friend spoke to you, rebel.
My husband and I fit like a hand in a glove. In 33 years, we have rarely argued, and we have noticed that where I lack, he provides and where he lacks, I am strong. Together we are formidable. That is why God calls us one flesh.
I love him and respect him, because he is God's man for me and he loves me sacrificially as Christ loves His Bride, the Church.
I think your parting is a good thing. I don't know what she imparts to you, and it seems as if she's your 'project'. Not something God really does...He usually presents us with an equal.
My husband and I fit like a hand in a glove. In 33 years, we have rarely argued, and we have noticed that where I lack, he provides and where he lacks, I am strong. Together we are formidable. That is why God calls us one flesh.
I love him and respect him, because he is God's man for me and he loves me sacrificially as Christ loves His Bride, the Church.
I think your parting is a good thing. I don't know what she imparts to you, and it seems as if she's your 'project'. Not something God really does...He usually presents us with an equal.
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This gives much wisdom and insight. All of those things are things that she has told me. She sees me in her future and doesn't want me to leave, she draws strength from me and comfort, from her own lips I'm "the most important person in the world to her", and I am continually trying to "lighten our days with laughter" and "challenge [her] to get out of [her] ruts". It IS moving forward and the only reason I provided the situation was as a backdrop to the questions I asked...so it didn't look like I was just asking some random off-the-wall question. Thank you for what you said. It gives me much to ponder.
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Elijah2
No weapons formed against me will prosper.
Because of the nature of the information I seek, I'm directing this thread mostly at Godly, married women, but if any of you guys feels that you can meaningfully contribute, then by all means please do so.
As sad as it is, Guys do have as much knowledge of why women and men behave badly.
Here's the deal: there is a girl in my life whom I have been pursuing, at the behest of God, since October 2003. Almost from day one we have been fighting back and forth about the nature of our association with each other.
First mistake, you said that you have been fighting since “DAY ONE”. So what in the world are you both together for and what is the real nature of your association?
There were times in the first year that I knew her where it absolutely consumed our every conversation for days and weeks at a time with very few, if any, breaks from the topic. She insisted that we were friends and nothing more and I felt, not only from what God was telling me, but also from what I was seeing in her behavior, that there was much, MUCH more there than friendship.
So what did you see in her behaviour that was more than a friendship?
Now we are in the middle of the seventh year and this topic is still coming up over and over again.
What topic: “Sex, marriage, or just arguing all the time”?
I finally told her that maybe she can't see herself as my girlfriend because she's already MORE than that, not less, in her heart.
Strange friendship or is it a relationship.
I want you to understand that a “relationship” in my word usage is as per the concise English Dictionary: “a connection between people involving sexual relations or marriage”.
We were fighting so much about "us" that I finally told her that I was leaving the relationship.
You fell to the “roaring lion” and allowed his “wiles” to control you.
When either party does this, this is usually good old-fashion “PRIDE” talking!
I told her, "I'm in love with you and you're not in love with me and say you never will be. We have irreconcilable differences and all we're ever going to do is fight about it. So I'm leaving. I'm done.
Mate, at 26 years of age you need to find out the truth behind why your girlfriend feels the way that she does. There could be some emotional problem deep down within her life that you know nothing about.
Are you both “street wise”?
Have you and your girlfriend had a good childhood and a loving family?
You both broke the rules in regards to “anger” and allows the sun to set on “anger”!
" Does that sound like the words of a friend to you?
No, but has a lot to do with “anger”, “frustration”, “pride” and a lot of “unforgiveness”!
Her response was to go completely nuclear. She blew her top, started screaming and cursing at me, called me a liar and told me "I knew you would leave me!"
That is what the enemy wanted to hear, you both are working in the “flesh”, there is nothing about patience, self-control, gentleness, faithfulness, goodness, kindness, love and joy---IS THER?
Hmmm...that doesn't sound like "friend talk".
No, it doesn’t, it sounds like two people who are carrying a lot of hurts, offences, anger, bitterness, and resentfulness.
Heavens above mate, I’ve been there, and I’ve been married 47 years.
So I called her on it.
You called her on it, so what you did was give Satan and his forces the right to destroy anything that either of you could reconcile on.
(She called me a liar because she had promised me that she wouldn't leave and I had promised her that I wouldn't leave and neither one of us wanted to leave the other. In times past, every time there was some issue that came up between us, she would run, and leave the issue unresolved.
Of course it will be unresolved. Reconciliation will resolve all things.
You both need good GOD-anointed counselling. You are both carrying garbage in your lives that is destroying your lives.
Have you both at anytime, said to each other the three golden little words of human relationship: I you please; I am wrong; You are right; I am sorry; Please forgive me; I forgive you; and I love you.
Oh, sure you can say after all the abuse and all those terrible words that come out of your heart, that you are sorry. But, my dear brother, you can only speak those words because that is what you heart is.
You need to PURIFY your heart. Get rid of all your anger, bitterness, and resentfulness that you hold for others, because what actually happens is that other people hurt and offend, and you end up taking your grievances out on each other.
It’s simple arithmetic of “inner healing”!
So when she came back into my life again last April, I told her that I wasn't going anywhere and she vowed to stay and fight, not run, when an issue came up.)
The only thing that you fight; is a fight of good FAITH!
In reality, I had no intention of leaving her, but told her that I was leaving to draw her out.
Mate, you are still working in the “flesh”. You don’t draw anyone out, you go to His Word, and be responsible and accountable to being HIS servant!
Human relationship and friendship is a two-way bond of honesty.
You don’t threaten anyone; do you honestly believe that doing what you doing will make her love you more?
I hated having to do it, but there was no other way to pull her out of her shell.
Mate, only counselling will pull your girlfriend out of her shell.
What do you think her shell is?
Do you know her childhood, whether she is carrying emotional abuse or trauma?
Once she blew up on me, I showed her how her reaction looked from the outside looking in.
You showed her, where in the world is that in His Word?
I told her that her words sounded more like a wife talking to her husband than a friend talking to another friend.
You told her, why didn’t ask her why she is angry with you?
Do, you really believe that you are “RIGHT”?
It doesn't matter HOW important a friend has been to me, when they leave it's their prerogative.
That’s your “PRIDE” talking!
There is no obligation to continue the relationship. But not with a committed relationship. The dynamic is totally different.
Of course the dynamic is different, because you both, don’t know how to behave.
You are both carrying a lot of garbage in your lives.
You don’t love your girlfriend, because if you did, then you wouldn’t have said those words.
Mate, I am speaking from experience.
So I explained to her that, as of right now, we are just one legal document away from being legally married, because the verbal agreement that we have made with each other (the vow, if you will) is as close to marriage as two people can get without actually getting married, commitment-wise.
Sorry mate, where in His Word does it say that?
So this brings me to the point of this thread. What is in the heart of a wife?
The heart of the wife is to submit to her husband!
How does she feel about her husband?
You need to ask yourself, how does the husband feel about his wife? His Word say to love your wife.
What is he to her?
To be a patient, self-controlled, gentle, good and kind! Do those words sound familiar?
What place does he have in her life?
What is written in His Word!
What is she, in her own mind, to him? I'm trying to get as comprehensive a look as I can at the heart of a wife not only for her husband, but
also in relation to her husband.
My dear brother in these cases we find will, pride, rebellion, negative thoughts, negative emotions, shortcomings, poor attitudes, wrong assumptions, poor values, self desires, self needs, and self purposes all swirling around deep down in our soul that have not been dealt with that cause all the problems that you are your girlfriend are experiencing.
Please help me understand this so that I can pass this information on to her.
What makes you thing that you are “RIGHT”?
I've been assigned to be a guide to her, to help her understand God and life and herself.
Who assigned you, my dear brother?
This has been in her heart for over six years...it's high time she understood what is in that treasure box.
Please define “treasure box”?
And if I'm wrong, then your information will prove me wrong. But either way, please do share. Thank you.
Mate, don’t have prove anything---you are WRONG, in fact you are BOTH WRONG.
Get some counselling and make sure that you BOTH are walking with our Lord Jesus Christ.
Blessings.
As sad as it is, Guys do have as much knowledge of why women and men behave badly.
Here's the deal: there is a girl in my life whom I have been pursuing, at the behest of God, since October 2003. Almost from day one we have been fighting back and forth about the nature of our association with each other.
First mistake, you said that you have been fighting since “DAY ONE”. So what in the world are you both together for and what is the real nature of your association?
There were times in the first year that I knew her where it absolutely consumed our every conversation for days and weeks at a time with very few, if any, breaks from the topic. She insisted that we were friends and nothing more and I felt, not only from what God was telling me, but also from what I was seeing in her behavior, that there was much, MUCH more there than friendship.
So what did you see in her behaviour that was more than a friendship?
Now we are in the middle of the seventh year and this topic is still coming up over and over again.
What topic: “Sex, marriage, or just arguing all the time”?
I finally told her that maybe she can't see herself as my girlfriend because she's already MORE than that, not less, in her heart.
Strange friendship or is it a relationship.
I want you to understand that a “relationship” in my word usage is as per the concise English Dictionary: “a connection between people involving sexual relations or marriage”.
We were fighting so much about "us" that I finally told her that I was leaving the relationship.
You fell to the “roaring lion” and allowed his “wiles” to control you.
When either party does this, this is usually good old-fashion “PRIDE” talking!
I told her, "I'm in love with you and you're not in love with me and say you never will be. We have irreconcilable differences and all we're ever going to do is fight about it. So I'm leaving. I'm done.
Mate, at 26 years of age you need to find out the truth behind why your girlfriend feels the way that she does. There could be some emotional problem deep down within her life that you know nothing about.
Are you both “street wise”?
Have you and your girlfriend had a good childhood and a loving family?
You both broke the rules in regards to “anger” and allows the sun to set on “anger”!
" Does that sound like the words of a friend to you?
No, but has a lot to do with “anger”, “frustration”, “pride” and a lot of “unforgiveness”!
Her response was to go completely nuclear. She blew her top, started screaming and cursing at me, called me a liar and told me "I knew you would leave me!"
That is what the enemy wanted to hear, you both are working in the “flesh”, there is nothing about patience, self-control, gentleness, faithfulness, goodness, kindness, love and joy---IS THER?
Hmmm...that doesn't sound like "friend talk".
No, it doesn’t, it sounds like two people who are carrying a lot of hurts, offences, anger, bitterness, and resentfulness.
Heavens above mate, I’ve been there, and I’ve been married 47 years.
So I called her on it.
You called her on it, so what you did was give Satan and his forces the right to destroy anything that either of you could reconcile on.
(She called me a liar because she had promised me that she wouldn't leave and I had promised her that I wouldn't leave and neither one of us wanted to leave the other. In times past, every time there was some issue that came up between us, she would run, and leave the issue unresolved.
Of course it will be unresolved. Reconciliation will resolve all things.
You both need good GOD-anointed counselling. You are both carrying garbage in your lives that is destroying your lives.
Have you both at anytime, said to each other the three golden little words of human relationship: I you please; I am wrong; You are right; I am sorry; Please forgive me; I forgive you; and I love you.
Oh, sure you can say after all the abuse and all those terrible words that come out of your heart, that you are sorry. But, my dear brother, you can only speak those words because that is what you heart is.
You need to PURIFY your heart. Get rid of all your anger, bitterness, and resentfulness that you hold for others, because what actually happens is that other people hurt and offend, and you end up taking your grievances out on each other.
It’s simple arithmetic of “inner healing”!
So when she came back into my life again last April, I told her that I wasn't going anywhere and she vowed to stay and fight, not run, when an issue came up.)
The only thing that you fight; is a fight of good FAITH!
In reality, I had no intention of leaving her, but told her that I was leaving to draw her out.
Mate, you are still working in the “flesh”. You don’t draw anyone out, you go to His Word, and be responsible and accountable to being HIS servant!
Human relationship and friendship is a two-way bond of honesty.
You don’t threaten anyone; do you honestly believe that doing what you doing will make her love you more?
I hated having to do it, but there was no other way to pull her out of her shell.
Mate, only counselling will pull your girlfriend out of her shell.
What do you think her shell is?
Do you know her childhood, whether she is carrying emotional abuse or trauma?
Once she blew up on me, I showed her how her reaction looked from the outside looking in.
You showed her, where in the world is that in His Word?
I told her that her words sounded more like a wife talking to her husband than a friend talking to another friend.
You told her, why didn’t ask her why she is angry with you?
Do, you really believe that you are “RIGHT”?
It doesn't matter HOW important a friend has been to me, when they leave it's their prerogative.
That’s your “PRIDE” talking!
There is no obligation to continue the relationship. But not with a committed relationship. The dynamic is totally different.
Of course the dynamic is different, because you both, don’t know how to behave.
You are both carrying a lot of garbage in your lives.
You don’t love your girlfriend, because if you did, then you wouldn’t have said those words.
Mate, I am speaking from experience.
So I explained to her that, as of right now, we are just one legal document away from being legally married, because the verbal agreement that we have made with each other (the vow, if you will) is as close to marriage as two people can get without actually getting married, commitment-wise.
Sorry mate, where in His Word does it say that?
So this brings me to the point of this thread. What is in the heart of a wife?
The heart of the wife is to submit to her husband!
How does she feel about her husband?
You need to ask yourself, how does the husband feel about his wife? His Word say to love your wife.
What is he to her?
To be a patient, self-controlled, gentle, good and kind! Do those words sound familiar?
What place does he have in her life?
What is written in His Word!
What is she, in her own mind, to him? I'm trying to get as comprehensive a look as I can at the heart of a wife not only for her husband, but
also in relation to her husband.
My dear brother in these cases we find will, pride, rebellion, negative thoughts, negative emotions, shortcomings, poor attitudes, wrong assumptions, poor values, self desires, self needs, and self purposes all swirling around deep down in our soul that have not been dealt with that cause all the problems that you are your girlfriend are experiencing.
Please help me understand this so that I can pass this information on to her.
What makes you thing that you are “RIGHT”?
I've been assigned to be a guide to her, to help her understand God and life and herself.
Who assigned you, my dear brother?
This has been in her heart for over six years...it's high time she understood what is in that treasure box.
Please define “treasure box”?
And if I'm wrong, then your information will prove me wrong. But either way, please do share. Thank you.
Mate, don’t have prove anything---you are WRONG, in fact you are BOTH WRONG.
Get some counselling and make sure that you BOTH are walking with our Lord Jesus Christ.
Blessings.
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