Struggling with Relationship

[HappGA]

I have been seeing a lady for about a month now. We spend a few days, or evenings a week together.


She has a room-mate, which has been battling some sort of health issue. She attends a bible study every Monday which his mother does. This is actually how she met him. He is real sickly has had different problems, respiratory type. Anyway, he lived by himself and never got out of the house, and as she put was basicly dying there alone. She has a two story house, and she offered for him to move in and live in the up-stairs. Well, it has been about a year, and she and him are real close friends.

She has her own business and when she gets off it is late. So I do not get to see her but on few occasions during the week.

I guess I am struggling with the fact that I would like to spend more time with her, but do not want her to feel that I want her to drop him as a friend either. His parents are like second parents to her, as his mother really is the reason her life was turned around through the bible study that she does. Her life was rocky, and she was in a worldy life before the turn around. Now she is living life like she should, but it feels like it is hard to get close to her because he is like her closest friend.

I don't want to say I am jealous, but that may be somewhat of the problem. how can I overcome this problem? His parents invited her to the mountains with them in October, which is a 5 day vacation which she could really use, but I hate to say that I wish she wouldn't go because he, and his brothers and sisters are going also.

I care a lot for her, because I believe that we are very compatible, and when we are together we are very happy. Ehhhh, I wish it could be boy meets girl, happily ever after, the end.

 

[Honibee]

Hi Hapga,

I can understand your position in this. I have a friend who is SO much like the lady
you talk about. She's a married woman, and ALWAYS willing and ready to help
the helpless. My friend's husband knows this and pretty much is in support of her.

I think it would be easier for you, since your relationship is still so new, if you were
secure in the knowledge of where her feelings lie in all this, more bluntly, her feelings
about you, and the relationship she has with you. It might be helpful, if you talked
to her. Because it IS so new still, maybe she's not aware of how you feel.. .

Hope this helps.

 

[HappGA]

Funny you should mention that. I just talked to her, about it, which I new I needed to do. the conversation started out as text messaging, and you know that you can not tell feeling or emotions over text messaging. She started to get upset, like I new she would, because i is a touchy situation.

She told me to call her, and she would explain. So I did, and she says that God has put him in her life and she intends to see it through. I asked "see it through to what?"

No response, she said he is like family, and that before she asked him to move in with her that he was basicly ready to die. he has rumatoid arthritis, and is like 27. All of his joints hurt constantly. She said that he feels like a freak, and that she has to be careful, or all the work she has done with him, could be out the window just like that. I think she is a little angry with me right now, but I explained that for us to grow closer I need to be able to relate to the situations that she is going through. I am the type of person that does not know a stranger, and I like to get to know people that I am going to be around. I think it is something that is going to take some time, but in the mean time, I need yalls prayers to keep a level head, and be understanding. I also need prayer that Satan and his demons do not attack this weak spot in my life and put thoughts in my head that are not true, because that is one of my weaknesses. I think way to much.

Thank you all for your prayers in advance.

 

[Honibee]

Hapga,

Most definately, I will pray. Let us know how it goe, K?

-H

 

[intricatic]

Sounds just like my girlfriend. Empathy can actually be a stiffling thing in a relationship unless you really really care about the person. LOL I know jealousy can be an issue, but that's really something selfish [this is not an insult, i deal with it constantly in the relationship i have with my girlfriend at the moment] and love isn't supposed to be about the internal, but the external [e.g. it's not supposed to be something you give because you want something in return, but merely something that you give for the sake of giving].

Just have some patience with her. That's the best advice I can give ya. I'll be praying for you.

 

[HappGA]

Thanks for the replies, and God is working with us both right now, please keep praying, as i think the few that have been said so far have really helped. Don't think I am not praying cause every time I think about her, I pray about the situation...

 

[ForgivenToo]

I see where she is coming from, i too put other people's needs before my own. I know it's hard to not see her (i'm in a similar situation) but if what she is doing for him is good, then support her (it seems like you are)

Get to know her and him, make him a friend, because he is so close to her. Wouldn't it be great to meet a woman you are compatable with and get a good friend out of this too!!

I will keep you and your stituation in my prayers, just remember, Sometimes God may not answer your prayers the way you want him to, but He knows what your life needs and what direction you should go.

 

[HappGA]

Well, I do want to get closer to her friend, but I have to be careful with that, bacause he feels like a freak. he has rheumatoid arthritis in every joint and respiratory problems on top of that. he is 6'-4" tall and weighs between 160 and 170 which makes him look very skinny. I am friendly to him when I see him, not just because of her, but because that is my nature. I am going to slowly try to get closer to him, so that I will have a friend on the inside so to speak. He is a nice guy, and I would like to be a friend to him, so that he can talk to a guy sometimes instead of just her.

Taking it one day at a time, trying not to think it all the way through like I used to do every thing, which is a problem with relationships.

 

[QuantaCura]

What does she mean by "see it through?" If she feels that taking care of this person is her life's vocation, you might want to think about just being friends and look for someone else who's vocation is to be your wife and a mother. Just a thought.

 

[HappGA]

Nah, I do not think that is the solution. She has told me that I have become a point of strength for her, that when she feels like things are going to take over she prays about it. But since that sense of feeling wears off kinda quick, she looks to me for support.

I think the thing is she is just trying to work this through with him. I do not think we are gonna be married in the next month or two at least I hope not, next year for the matter, but in God's timing I put my life. So I am going to support her through this and be there for her. She is there for me to talk to. It will all be fine.

Just keep me in your prayers pretty please...

 

[intricatic]

Nah, I do not think that is the solution. She has told me that I have become a point of strength for her, that when she feels like things are going to take over she prays about it. But since that sense of feeling wears off kinda quick, she looks to me for support.

I think the thing is she is just trying to work this through with him. I do not think we are gonna be married in the next month or two at least I hope not, next year for the matter, but in God's timing I put my life. So I am going to support her through this and be there for her. She is there for me to talk to. It will all be fine.

Just keep me in your prayers pretty please...

You don't even have to ask.