Struggling with Lust...

[justageek]

Hi there.

I went to Church last night and we had a pretty in-depth discussion about sexual intercourse and sexual immorality. My Youth Pastor said that, "Sexual immorality is anything physically or in your mind about that person that's inappropriate - fantasies, really." and I felt a huge, big, fat load of guilt just press upon my shoulders because I have fantasized thousands of times. Especially when I'm lying in bed and I can't get to sleep. I feel super guilty because I don't want to think like that, but it almost feels like I have to just to keep my mind busy. I don't know, but I don't think it's curiosity anymore. It's almost like an addiction I have, as disgusting as that sounds. I fantasize every night just to help me to get to sleep because I can't think of anything else. I hate this. I really, really do - and I have no idea what to do about it to try and get rid of it. I want to stop feeling so impure. I know teenage hormones probably have a part to do with it, but I think it's... More than that.

I'm being brutally honest because I can't be honest with anybody else except God about this. Luke (some guy I know) also said that before he started dating his wife, his father told him "Only go as far as you would like your daughter to go with another man." It makes sense, and now it just makes me want to stop being "physical" altogether when it comes to intimacy and such.

Also, I don't believe I'm a virgin. I haven't had "real sex" before, but I've engaged in activities like cybersex before on multiple occasions and one of my ex-best-friends (he's a guy) persuaded me to do things with him (it's not brutally extreme) and I gave in to both my curiousity and temptation and complied with what he wanted. I feel awful. Lust and fantasy are probably the two most brutal things that I struggle with in my life, at the moment. I spoiled my marriage bed. And my husband doesn't deserve that. I don't know how I'll ever be able to tell my future spouse (whoever it may be) that I've struggled with lust and stuff before. I just want a man who'll look past that and not judge me for what I've done. I haven't broken up with my boyfriend yet. We talked about it and I concluded that I must be thinking too much about it, that I have a lot on my mind, or I'm just not giving it enough time or him enough chance (due to my past experience with boys).

This sucks. This really does suck. Any advice or tips on how I could overcome this?

Prays are appreciated, too. Thank you, Brothers and Sisters.

 

[javierc87]

One thing that help me with my lusts is fasting. I don't know what it is about fasting but it works. Just google it , there are many articles on this subject. You will be in my prayers =)

 

[Johnnz]

Most probably you are a thoroughly sexual young woman and your sexuality makes itself known.

There is a natural curiosity about sex and sometimes that does lead to experimentation of some kind. Generally, learn from the experience and move on. Excessive guilt will do you more harm.

Patterns of sexual behaviour often become established quite quickly and very often quickly become persistent. That can result in some bad stuff happening, but not necessarily.

Sexual guilt is far too easy to impose and can gave negative effects for many young people. Most teaching is all about "Don't", "avoid", "be careful of fleshly lusts" than about integrating your sexuality healthily.

John
NZ

 

[thegandyman]

I've struggled with many of the same problems for years. It cost me my first marriage. It led to a short time of living in total depravity. I still struggle with looking at other women, thinking about other women, etc. It's probably always going to be a struggle that I have.

One thing is apparently obvious to me though. When I focus on reading the Bible, praying, studying, talking with God, etc., most of those thoughts don't fill my mind. When I spend time doing things like watching tv and playing computer, I struggle with those things.

1 Corinthians 10:13 says, "he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it." When you have those temptations, turn your attentions to God. He always helps.