struggling with lust

saudade97

Newbie
Jun 30, 2010
4
1
✟15,129.00
Faith
Christian
Marital Status
Single
i am 18 and i am in love. i have been in a courtship with my bestfriend for 7months now. the furthest we've done is hold hands and nothing more. we are both virgins. i am struggling with my very high sex drive, although i am still a virgin i sometimes cannot control my lust towards him. how do i do this? during idle times i cannot help but think of inappropriate thoughts. help me please.
 
Last edited:

citizenthom

I'm not sayin'. I'm just sayin'.
Nov 10, 2009
3,299
185
✟12,912.00
Faith
Non-Denom
Marital Status
Married
Politics
US-Republican
The only thing that's going to stop fleeting thoughts like that is to stop being 18 and in love. If you're lucky, you'll continue having them even after you stop being 18 as long as you keep being in love.

Bottom line: it's normal. Don't dwell on or develop those thoughts, but do not feel even remotely guilty just because they happen.
 
Upvote 0

Luther073082

κύριε ἐλέησον χριστὲ ἐλέησον
Apr 1, 2007
19,202
840
41
New Carlisle, IN
✟31,326.00
Faith
Lutheran
Marital Status
Married
Politics
US-Others
I can only say that if your mind starts to drift then perhaps you should try to find something else to concentrate on.

Lust is something pretty much anyone who is in a pre-marriage relationship struggles with. There is no way to get rid of it, the best thing I know to do is to ignore it and think of something else.

Either that or eat a lot of food. Back when I was dating my wife, we could both be thinking about sex and if we go and ate a large meal and where really full, sex really wasn't that interesting anymore. (I'm not saying that is practical, but I do know it works.)

But perhaps someone else has a better suggestion.
 
Upvote 0

Bootstrap

Regular Member
Jun 17, 2008
2,838
205
Durham, NC
✟19,239.00
Faith
Anabaptist
Marital Status
In Relationship
I'm not sure exactly what kinds of thoughts you are having. Feeling strong sexual desire is quite normal, and I don't think that Scripture calls that wrong. Dwelling on detailed thoughts of specific sexual acts ... not a good idea, it will make it much harder to do what is right.

The word 'lust' in many Bible translations simply means a strong desire, there is no special Greek word for sexual desire here. Jesus uses the same word, for instance, to say that he eagerly desired to break bread with his disciples.

In Matthew 5, Jesus says this:

"You have heard that it was said, 'Do not commit adultery.'
But I say to you that whoever looks at a woman to desire her has already committed adultery with her in his heart.

I don't think your sexual desires for your boyfriend are the same thing Jesus is talking about. Adultery involves someone else's spouse, so that's what Jesus is talking about here. And the word 'desire' or 'lust' is the same one used for "thou shalt not covet". So Jesus is saying that it's not only wrong to have adultery with your neighbor's wife, it's wrong to covet her, to dwell on thoughts of having sex with her.

But I do think it's a good idea to keep your mind from going too far in directions that are not appropriate, because where your mind goes, the rest of you is likely to follow. It's really hard to decide not to think about something, but it's surprisingly easy to acknowledge what you are thinking and feeling and decide to think about something else. Don't fight what you think or feel, let yourself acknowledge these things, realize when it's too much, and have some other things to think about. Make a list of things to daydream about or work on so you have it handy if you need it ....

Hope this helps ...
 
Upvote 0

Johnnz

Senior Veteran
Site Supporter
Aug 3, 2004
14,082
1,002
83
New Zealand
✟97,021.00
Faith
Christian
Marital Status
Widowed
I reckon your 'lustful thoughts' are little more than natural responses to being in love. They are part of God's design to get us really considering marriage. They can be uncomfortable and insistent, but you are not depraved or necessarily being immoral.

John
NZ
 
Upvote 0

thatdrummer

looking to be what God wants me to be
Jul 3, 2010
25
0
✟15,343.00
Faith
Christian
Marital Status
In Relationship
Politics
US-Republican
as someone who has done it all with their girlfriend in the past...

i can tell you 100%

its natural yes... you cant stop it...

just never mention it to them. if you do and he has the same thoughts, its gonna happen.

and its not worth it. the guilt that you feel with God is terrible.

im 18 also, i know how it feels. just pray to God to help you control it, and he'll do it.
 
Upvote 0

Melethiel

Miserere mei, Domine
Site Supporter
Jun 8, 2005
27,287
940
34
Ohio
✟77,093.00
Faith
Lutheran
Marital Status
Married
ust never mention it to them. if you do and he has the same thoughts, its gonna happen.

Not necessarily...there is this little thing called "self control." My boyfriend and I have mentioned those thoughts to each other multiple times, but have never crossed the line.
 
Upvote 0

thatdrummer

looking to be what God wants me to be
Jul 3, 2010
25
0
✟15,343.00
Faith
Christian
Marital Status
In Relationship
Politics
US-Republican
well from my personal experience

when ive said that i was feeling a little something, and she said she was too..

one of us said

"do you want to _____?"

and the other one said

"obviously"

and it happened

wether it be me seeing her on msn

going to pick her up

at school

where ever, it happened

so now whenever i have some thoughts, i keep them to myself.
 
Upvote 0
This site stays free and accessible to all because of donations from people like you.
Consider making a one-time or monthly donation. We appreciate your support!
- Dan Doughty and Team Christian Forums

Bootstrap

Regular Member
Jun 17, 2008
2,838
205
Durham, NC
✟19,239.00
Faith
Anabaptist
Marital Status
In Relationship
I think thatdrummer is saying something important here. If you're fantasizing about going beyond what is appropriate, don't share that with your boyfriend or girlfriend, that makes it extremely difficult.

Share that with the people you turn to for advice instead.
 
Upvote 0