Still struggling

[WantingtobeHIS]

Hello, Some of you may remember me from my post about having so many doubts and most recently about my fears of committing the unpardonable sin of blasphemy against the Holy Spirit. I am still struggling with whether or not I committed that horrible sin and I still hope and pray that I did not. I still pray for God to have mercy on me if I did. I feel so hard-hearted and it seems that the more I try to get closer to Jesus the more I have evil thoughts against Him and the more I have doubts. I keep having demonic dreams that I am in my bed and there is demons torturing me. I pray for the Lord to take away those horrible dreams and to protect me from evil. I also pray for the Lord to replace my evil thoughts against Him with thoughts that are pure and glorifying unto Him. I often feel like maybe I really have committed the unforgivable sin and Jesus has turned away from me and no longer hears my prayers. I am so confused spiritually. I dont want to keep going this way. I want to be a strong woman of faith in Jesus. I want to grow in Him and know Him. I want to live for Him. Any help, inspiration, or advice? Thanks God Bless.

 

[Fish and Bread]

You may want to look into the concept of "scrupulosity". It's Catholic in origin, but I think it could apply to any Christian, potentially.

This is a basic run-down:

Scrupulosity - Wikipedia

The point being: There is such a thing as being too concerned about potential sins. Almost any shade of Christianity you might see will say, as St. Paul did in several epistles in the bible, that Christians are saved by grace through faith. Many feel good works are part of faith, but, even so, that should not overshadow that you are saved not primarily through your own efforts, but by the grace of God. As such, my feeling is: Don't sweat the small stuff. Do the best you can and try to relax (I fully realize that you may not be *able* to relax, though, which is not your fault either).

In the end, things are what they are, you know? It doesn't pay to worry too much. If you can't help it, you can't help it, but maybe try to reduce your worrying to the minimum amount you are psychologically capable of trimming it down to.

You might also consider talking to a priest or a pastor.

 

[Paul of Eugene OR]

Hello, Some of you may remember me from my post about having so many doubts and most recently about my fears of committing the unpardonable sin of blasphemy against the Holy Spirit. I am still struggling with whether or not I committed that horrible sin and I still hope and pray that I did not. I still pray for God to have mercy on me if I did. I feel so hard-hearted and it seems that the more I try to get closer to Jesus the more I have evil thoughts against Him and the more I have doubts. I keep having demonic dreams that I am in my bed and there is demons torturing me. I pray for the Lord to take away those horrible dreams and to protect me from evil. I also pray for the Lord to replace my evil thoughts against Him with thoughts that are pure and glorifying unto Him. I often feel like maybe I really have committed the unforgivable sin and Jesus has turned away from me and no longer hears my prayers. I am so confused spiritually. I dont want to keep going this way. I want to be a strong woman of faith in Jesus. I want to grow in Him and know Him. I want to live for Him. Any help, inspiration, or advice? Thanks God Bless.

Nobody who has actually committed the unpardonable sin ever bothers to worry about it. Merely worrying about your sins is a sure sign you haven't committed it. Why don't you start worrying, instead, that you might commit it in the future? That way you can fret about something that could, conceivably, actually happen.

After you've worried about that for a while, I hope you begin to see how silly it is to have such a worry. But as long as it suits you so to worry, go right ahead.

Meanwhile, if you weren't worrying, what would you be doing instead, that the devil doesn't like and tries to stop you from by filling your head with worries?

 

[St_Worm2]

Hi WantingtobeHIS, I think you can relax. From what you just wrote I can assure you that you did NOT commit the unpardonable sin. Anyone who commits that particular sin hates God so badly that they would never want anything to do with Him, ever again.

So the only question that remains is, are you a Christian? If you are, He will NOT turn away from you, so keep up the good fight. Keep taking all of those bad thoughts/feelings captive, one at a time, and give them over to the Lord to deal with .. 2 Corinthians 10:5. And keep asking Him for forgiveness whenever you feel you have sinned, and He will always forgive you (1 John 1:8-2:2; Matthew 18:21-22; Psalm 103:8-14).

He is not in this fight with you, 'you' are in it with Him If you are a Christian, God is for you, not against you any longer (i.e. Romans 8:1, 31-39). He is your Abba, your loving Father, who always wants the best for you. So trust Him, especially in the hard times.

The One who chose you from before the foundation of the world to be His (Ephesians 1:4-6), wanted you so badly that He chose to die rather than live w/o you . God, the One who saved you in the first place, is the same One who will see you safely through this life to Glory (i.e. Philippians 1:6; Philippians 2:13; John 6:37-40; John 10:26-28).

BTW, just in case it never occurred to you, He knew what He was getting when He saved you , and that long before you ever became a Christian (if indeed you have become a Christian?).

Have you? You sound like you have If you are a Christian, how long ago did you become one? If you are not, or if you wonder whether you are or not, I'd be happy to talk with you about that too!

Praying for you. The fight against the enemy is a tough battle if you are a child of the Living God. The good news is, the Lord promises us that if we resist the devil, he will flee from us (James 4:7; 1 Peter 5:8-9). So keep on resisting him in Jesus' name and he will eventually leave you be (if the devil is the one attacking you right now, and it sounds like he is).

Read your Bible and pray for His protection, thanking Him for it, of course. And go see your pastor about all of this if you have not done so already.

You might also want to fill your mind with some good teaching during the week. Try one (or all) of the website broadcasts below. Oh, and follow (as best you can) Philippians 4:6-8's commands/admonishments. It will take some time, but if you fill your mind with the word of God, there won't be anymore room left up there for all the bad stuff that's there right now

Renewing Your Mind - Dr. R. C. Sproul
Insight for Living - Dr. Chuck Swindoll
Grace to You - Dr. John MacArthur​

Yours in Christ,
David
p.s. - there are certainly broadcasts from all three of the above pastors that concern the unforgivable sin if you care to listen to them.

"He is able also to save forever those who draw near
to God through Him, since He always lives
to make intercession for them"
Hebrews 7:25​

 

[Eyes wide Open]

Hello, Some of you may remember me from my post about having so many doubts and most recently about my fears of committing the unpardonable sin of blasphemy against the Holy Spirit. I am still struggling with whether or not I committed that horrible sin and I still hope and pray that I did not. I still pray for God to have mercy on me if I did. I feel so hard-hearted and it seems that the more I try to get closer to Jesus the more I have evil thoughts against Him and the more I have doubts. I keep having demonic dreams that I am in my bed and there is demons torturing me. I pray for the Lord to take away those horrible dreams and to protect me from evil. I also pray for the Lord to replace my evil thoughts against Him with thoughts that are pure and glorifying unto Him. I often feel like maybe I really have committed the unforgivable sin and Jesus has turned away from me and no longer hears my prayers. I am so confused spiritually. I dont want to keep going this way. I want to be a strong woman of faith in Jesus. I want to grow in Him and know Him. I want to live for Him. Any help, inspiration, or advice? Thanks God Bless.

I would suggest that your fear creates the bad dreams that you have. Your waking mind compartmentalises your waking reality and day to day life and fearful thoughts that don't align with that reality get moved to a part in your brain/subconscious because they are not required, and then when you sleep those thoughts come forth as a dream. It's stored data if you like, data you have created by fearful thoughts about things that don't exist in your reality. Take ownership of what you create, dust yourself off and be more forthright in your thinking and live a more giving loving life, and don't allow those fears to corrode what you create. The dreams will disappear in time I suspect, when your fears do. If you create with a more giving and loving attitude you will be growing in him, as they are creative attributes that were used by Jesus, thus you emulate what he created with (the him) and your growth in him will be your applied application of those attributes.
Then in essence he has come again, in you. No small task but that's how it rolls.

 

[St_Worm2]

[staff edited]

Not according to Jesus and the Bible 2x4. Even the Scribes and the Pharisees, who He warned face to face about this very thing, were only CLOSE to committing that sin. If they had already committed it, a warning would have done them no good.

Flesh is NOT an "illusion", that's the lie purported by non-Christian faiths like Gnosticism and Neo-Gnosticism. The Lord Jesus Himself attests to this, who took on a body of flesh and blood at His conception/Incarnation in Mary, rose from the dead with it still intact, and retains it even today in Heaven.

The Bible is the truth, as it contains the breathed words of God Himself (2 Timothy 3:16-17). The "special knowledge" of Gnosticism is not.

In all of this you are BADLY mistaken

Yours and His,
David

"Many deceivers have gone out into the world, those who do
not acknowledge Jesus Christ as coming in the flesh.
This is the deceiver and the antichrist"
2 John 7​

 

[redleghunter]

Hello, Some of you may remember me from my post about having so many doubts and most recently about my fears of committing the unpardonable sin of blasphemy against the Holy Spirit. I am still struggling with whether or not I committed that horrible sin and I still hope and pray that I did not. I still pray for God to have mercy on me if I did. I feel so hard-hearted and it seems that the more I try to get closer to Jesus the more I have evil thoughts against Him and the more I have doubts. I keep having demonic dreams that I am in my bed and there is demons torturing me. I pray for the Lord to take away those horrible dreams and to protect me from evil. I also pray for the Lord to replace my evil thoughts against Him with thoughts that are pure and glorifying unto Him. I often feel like maybe I really have committed the unforgivable sin and Jesus has turned away from me and no longer hears my prayers. I am so confused spiritually. I dont want to keep going this way. I want to be a strong woman of faith in Jesus. I want to grow in Him and know Him. I want to live for Him. Any help, inspiration, or advice? Thanks God Bless.

Many Christians in their walk with Christ have this worry sooner or later.

However, many theologians throughout history have commented that those who worry about the unpardonable sin are usually being cautious in their walk, and not wanting any sin or actions to offend God.

Which means the mindset is frankly opposite to what you worry about.

Jesus rebuked the Pharisees because they did not believe in Him as the Son of God. Jesus later told His apostles that the Holy Spirit testifies of Him (Jesus Christ as Lord and Savior).

Short answer now? Those who deny Christ Jesus as Lord and Savior after coming to the knowledge of Him transgress the testimony of the Holy Spirit.

As @St_Worm2 mentions, this type of rejection is not mere unbelief or someone not fully convinced. It is a person who knows the gift of salvation, KNOWS Jesus Christ is real, yet becomes an enemy of the faith by leading others away from knowing Him.

Usually this involves active campaigns to blaspheme God. The New Atheists come to mind. Many claim to be former believers yet are set on fire to deny any claim of Christ and in many cases ridicule those who do believe. There are quite a few posters here on the open threads which make such their full time job.

Here is a death bed confession from a self avowed atheist or in his time was categorized as deist:

Bitter reproaches of the deist, Voltaire
The French writer and philosopher, Voltaire (1694-1778) was a deist – his belief in the existence of a supreme being arising from reason rather than revelation. He opposed Christian beliefs fiercely and said that the Gospels were fiction and Jesus thus did not exist. Voltaire ridiculed God by saying that he is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh. To him, religion was a social phenomenon and he was in favour of religious freedom in a multireligious society. He said that one religion would lead to despotism; when there were only two religions people would cut one another’s throats; but when there were many religions they would be happy and live together peacefully. As far as he was concerned, Christianity was a vanishing phenomenon: “One hundred years from my day there will not be a Bible in the earth except one that is looked upon by an antiquarian curiosity seeker.” He died 228 years ago in 1778.

When Voltaire felt the stroke he realised would end his life, he was overpowered with remorse. He at once sent for a priest and wanted to be reconciled to the church. His agnostic flatterers hastened to his room to prevent this from happening, but it was only to witness his ignominy and their own. He cursed them to their faces as his distress was increased by their presence. He loudly exclaimed, “Begone! It is you who have brought me to my present condition. What a wretched glory is this which you have produced for me!”

Voltaire was tortured with such an agony that he gnashed his teeth in impotent rage against God and man. At times he pleaded, “O Christ, O Lord Jesus!” then again, “I must die, abandoned of God and man!” As his end drew near his condition became so frightful that his agnostic associates were afraid to approach his bedside. They still guarded the door that others might not know how awfully an enemy of God was compelled to die. Even his nurse couldn’t tolerate the scene of horror. Such was the end of a man who had a high intellect, excellent education, great wealth and much earthly honour – but without God.

Compare now with a believer in Christ and His Grace:

The experience of a believing young man
Augustus M. Toplady died in London at the age of 38. He was the author of these immortal words:

Rock of Ages, cleft for me,

Let me hide myself in Thee;

Let the water and the blood,

From Thy wounded side which flowed,

Be of sin the double cure –

Save from wrath and make me pure.

He had everything before him to make life desirable, yet when death drew near, his soul exulted in gladness: “Sickness is no affliction, pain no curse, death itself no dissolution; and yet how this soul of mine longs to be gone – like a bird imprisoned in its cage, it longs to take its flight. Had I wings like a dove, then would I fly away to the bosom of God and be at rest forever.”

About an hour before he died he seemed to awaken from a gentle slumber. “Oh, what delights! Who can fathom the joys of heaven? What a bright sunshine has been spread around me! I have no words to express it. I know it cannot be long now till my Saviour will come for me... surely after the glories that God has manifested to my soul! All is light, light, light – the brightness of His own glory! O come, Lord Jesus, come quickly!”

Then he closed his eyes, his spirit going to be with Christ; his body falling asleep, to be awakened with others of like precious faith on that great day when the Lord Jesus shall be revealed from heaven “to be glorified in His saints and to be admired among all those who believe” (2 Thess. 1:10).

 

[redleghunter]

Hello, Some of you may remember me from my post about having so many doubts and most recently about my fears of committing the unpardonable sin of blasphemy against the Holy Spirit. I am still struggling with whether or not I committed that horrible sin and I still hope and pray that I did not. I still pray for God to have mercy on me if I did. I feel so hard-hearted and it seems that the more I try to get closer to Jesus the more I have evil thoughts against Him and the more I have doubts. I keep having demonic dreams that I am in my bed and there is demons torturing me. I pray for the Lord to take away those horrible dreams and to protect me from evil. I also pray for the Lord to replace my evil thoughts against Him with thoughts that are pure and glorifying unto Him. I often feel like maybe I really have committed the unforgivable sin and Jesus has turned away from me and no longer hears my prayers. I am so confused spiritually. I dont want to keep going this way. I want to be a strong woman of faith in Jesus. I want to grow in Him and know Him. I want to live for Him. Any help, inspiration, or advice? Thanks God Bless.

I will add what others are advising. It is very important to seek help through your church pastor. If you don't have a church seek one out and bring your burden to fellow Christians for prayer and direct support. It is quite difficult going solo.

You are lifted up in prayer. My prayer was to ask our Heavenly Father to build faith in your walk with Jesus Christ.

Finally, you may want to ask a mod to move this to a Christian only area of the forum.

 

[jimmyjimmy]

Hello, Some of you may remember me from my post about having so many doubts and most recently about my fears of committing the unpardonable sin of blasphemy against the Holy Spirit. I am still struggling with whether or not I committed that horrible sin and I still hope and pray that I did not. I still pray for God to have mercy on me if I did. I feel so hard-hearted and it seems that the more I try to get closer to Jesus the more I have evil thoughts against Him and the more I have doubts. I keep having demonic dreams that I am in my bed and there is demons torturing me. I pray for the Lord to take away those horrible dreams and to protect me from evil. I also pray for the Lord to replace my evil thoughts against Him with thoughts that are pure and glorifying unto Him. I often feel like maybe I really have committed the unforgivable sin and Jesus has turned away from me and no longer hears my prayers. I am so confused spiritually. I dont want to keep going this way. I want to be a strong woman of faith in Jesus. I want to grow in Him and know Him. I want to live for Him. Any help, inspiration, or advice? Thanks God Bless.

First, you're not crazy. Second, I've been exactly where you are now, and nearly drove myself crazy, so I am living proof that it's not a permanent problem. Third, if my guess is correct, you have a theological problem, and it's fixable, so be of good cheer.

As I've said, I have experienced just what have described. It was about 20 years ago, but the pain of it is still fresh in my mind.

If I could focus on one thing in your OP, it would be, "I feel so hard-hearted and it seems that the more I try to get closer to Jesus the more I have evil thoughts against Him and the more I have doubts."

I think that this reveals the root of your problem. (more in a bit).

Ok. I don't think that your problem has anything to do with committing the unpardonable sin. I think that's just a symptom.

Based on your own words (and my personal experience with this issue) I think that you are trying to relate to God without the mediating work of Christ. In other words, you are not approaching God by faith. You don't have to, "try to get closer to Jesus". It's your trying that giving you the problem.

The Christian life is one of faith, and faith in what Christ has done for us on our behalf. Faith in the gospel (the good news) is where Christianity begins, and we never outgrow it. All of your efforts don't amount to a drop in the ocean. They will never get you closer to Christ. It's hearing and believing in His gospel that will instantly pull you from the pit you are stuck in, and He will receive all of the glory for it. You and I get none, and we don't like that. We want to do something, but frankly, "You contribute nothing toward your salvation except for the sin that made it necessary". - Jonathan Edwards

 

[WantingtobeHIS]

So the only question that remains is, are you a Christian?

Before I started dealing with the issue of whether or not I had committed the unforgivable sin, I was dealing with doubts and whether or not I believed in Jesus. I still have trouble with it sometimes. I face the question of whether or not I truly believe that Jesus died and rose again or if I'm just acknowledging it as mere facts. I try to just say "well I know it happened and whether or not my mind agrees or not, deep down inside I know it happened. So I hope that that is the type of saving faith that it talked about in the Bible. I tend to have a slight touch of OCD and worry about stuff and overthink most things.

 

[Truthfrees]

MOD HAT

Thread moved from Christianity and World Religions to Christian Advice as per SOPs.

Nicene Christians Only are allowed to respond, so non-Christian and non-Nicene Christian posts have been removed.

 

[LittleLambofJesus]

Hello, Some of you may remember me from my post about having so many doubts and most recently about my fears of committing the unpardonable sin of blasphemy against the Holy Spirit. I am still struggling with whether or not I committed that horrible sin and I still hope and pray that I did not. I still pray for God to have mercy on me if I did. I feel so hard-hearted and it seems that the more I try to get closer to Jesus the more I have evil thoughts against Him and the more I have doubts. I keep having demonic dreams that I am in my bed and there is demons torturing me. I pray for the Lord to take away those horrible dreams and to protect me from evil. I also pray for the Lord to replace my evil thoughts against Him with thoughts that are pure and glorifying unto Him. I often feel like maybe I really have committed the unforgivable sin and Jesus has turned away from me and no longer hears my prayers. I am so confused spiritually. I dont want to keep going this way. I want to be a strong woman of faith in Jesus. I want to grow in Him and know Him. I want to live for Him. Any help, inspiration, or advice? Thanks God Bless.

I share your concern.
Here is a rather lenghthy commentary on that very subject from a favorite commentator of mine:

Kingdom Bible Studies Table of Contents

Kindgdom Bible Studies Savior of the World Series Part 1

What is the sin against the Holy Spirit? In the third chapter of Mark, we have the parallel passage to the text we just read in Matthew, the same record of these men coming around Jesus when they saw Him perform His mighty miracle for the poor man who could neither see nor speak. In order to keep the people from believing Jesus, they said the miracle was performed by the power of Satan. Notice the words of Jesus in verses 28-30: "Verily I say unto you, All sins shall be forgiven unto the sons of men, and blasphemies wherewith so ever they shall blaspheme. But he that shall blaspheme against the Holy Ghost has never forgiveness, but is in danger of eternal damnation: BECAUSE THEY SAID, HE HAS AN UNCLEAN SPIRIT."

Ah - now there's a clue - the Pharisees' opposition to Jesus was not a spur of the moment, hotheaded fit of pique. These men knew what they were doing. Their schemes against Jesus were deliberate, calculated. A leading Pharisee, Nicodemus, once confided to Jesus, "Rabbi, we know that You are a teacher come from God; for no one can do these signs that you do unless God is with him" (Jn. 3:2). Many of them knew better, but unlike Nicodemus they still plotted to destroy Him.
They had developed an implacable contempt for Jesus because He presented a threat to their prestige and power over the people. Jesus warned them of the dire consequences of their attitude and actions. They were not just sinning against God in heaven above, or against the Son of God on earth - they were resisting, opposing, withstanding, impugning, confronting, assailing, attacking and repulsing the Holy Spirit - THE VERY ACTIVITY AND MINISTRATION OF GOD TOWARDS THEM! They were in danger of blaspheming the Holy Ghost!...............

While the King James version states that the sin against the Holy Spirit will not be forgiven in this world nor in the world to come, that is not quite the meaning of the Greek. The Greek word here translated "world" is AION. This word AION has been translated into fifteen different English words and phrases, many of which convey the wrong meaning entirely. The simple meaning of AION is "age." An AION is "an age." Two AION(S) are two "ages." A thousand AION(S) are a thousand "ages."
Some of the passages where AION is found will give us added information concerning it. In Eph. 2:7 we find, "in the ages (aions) to come." In Col. 1:26 we find, "the mystery which has been hid from ages (aions)." In Eph. 2:2 we find, "you walked according to the course (aion) of this world." In Heb. 1:2 we find, "by whom also He made the worlds (aions)." In Hebrews 11:3 we find, "the worlds (aions) were formed by the word of God." In about fifteen instances, such as Mat. 12:32, I Cor. 1:20, etc., we find it rendered "this world (aion)." Twice we find "this present world (aion)." In Gal. 1:4 we find, "deliver us from this present evil world (aion)." In Eph. 6:12 we find, "the rulers of the darkness of this world (aion)." In II Cor. 4:4 we find, "the god of this world (aion)." ..............

The Jewish nation has passed through a time of great darkness. They have had deep sorrow. But if we are sure that God's Word has been fulfilled in scattering them among the nations, and blinding their hearts to the glory of Christ, the Messiah, we should have no hesitation in believing that at the conclusion of this age God will gather them, and lift the dark veil from off their minds, for the promise of God unto them is sure: "And it shall come to pass, when all these things are come upon you, the blessing and the curse, which I have set before you, and you shall call them to mind among all the nations, whither the Lord your God has driven you, and you shall return unto the Lord your God, and shall obey His voice ... you and your children, with all your heart, and with all your soul; then the Lord your God will turn your captivity, and have compassion upon you, and will return and gather you from all the nations, whither the Lord your God has scattered you. And the Lord your God will bring you into the land which your father's possessed, and you shall possess it; and He will do you good, and He will multiply you above your fathers. And the Lord your God will CIRCUMCISE YOUR HEART, AND THE HEART OF YOUR SEED, to love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, that you may live" (Deut. 30:1-6).

Before I started dealing with the issue of whether or not I had committed the unforgivable sin, I was dealing with doubts and whether or not I believed in Jesus. I still have trouble with it sometimes. I face the question of whether or not I truly believe that Jesus died and rose again or if I'm just acknowledging it as mere facts. I try to just say "well I know it happened and whether or not my mind agrees or not, deep down inside I know it happened.
So I hope that that is the type of saving faith that it talked about in the Bible. I tend to have a slight touch of OCD and worry about stuff and overthink most things.

It truly is difficult to believe in something w/o seeing the it. Just walk like Jesus did and you will be fine.......

John 20:
29 Jesus said to him, “Because you have seen Me, you have believed;
blessed are those who have not seen, and yet have believed.”

2 Corin 5:
7 For we walk by faith, not by sight.

.

 

[longwait]

Try reciting Psalms 91 over yourself before you go to bed. Its a powerful prayer of protection and a great weapon for spiritual warfare. Also recite Psalms 23 before you go to bed. God is doing His work in you and is perfecting you.

Regarding the Holy Spirit I don't know what you said and I cannot judge you in that matter. Only God knows the answer to that.

 

[Goodbook]

Hmm

Well here is a prayer you can pray, just be real honest with God and in your own words..I am just writing a prayer based on what you posted.

Heavenly Father
Forgive me for entertaining thoughts against you. You sent your son Jesus to die for me and he rose again, make this real in my heart, by taking my old stony heart away and giving me a new heart of flesh. You word says we must confess with our mouths and believe in Our hearts that Jesus is Lord and I do! Send your holy spirit to dwell in me, your word says I will never leave you nor forsake you. Help me to grow in faith and sup with you.
In jesus precious name I pray.

 

[Goodbook]

Psalms 51 is also a good one to pray, see king David also was afraid hed committed an unforgiveable sin when he commited adultery with Bathesheba but he confessed and repented of it and God mercifully restored him. David was known as the man after Gods own heart, you can be a woman after Gods own heart too.

 

[WantingtobeHIS]

Regarding the Holy Spirit I don't know what you said and I cannot judge you in that matter. Only God knows the answer to that.

Well I've never said anything just thought things. Thank you for your reply. God Bless

 

[WantingtobeHIS]

First, you're not crazy. Second, I've been exactly where you are now, and nearly drove myself crazy, so I am living proof that it's not a permanent problem. Third, if my guess is correct, you have a theological problem, and it's fixable, so be of good cheer.

As I've said, I have experienced just what have described. It was about 20 years ago, but the pain of it is still fresh in my mind.

If I could focus on one thing in your OP, it would be, "I feel so hard-hearted and it seems that the more I try to get closer to Jesus the more I have evil thoughts against Him and the more I have doubts."

I think that this reveals the root of your problem. (more in a bit).

Ok. I don't think that your problem has anything to do with committing the unpardonable sin. I think that's just a symptom.

Based on your own words (and my personal experience with this issue) I think that you are trying to relate to God without the mediating work of Christ. In other words, you are not approaching God by faith. You don't have to, "try to get closer to Jesus". It's your trying that giving you the problem.

The Christian life is one of faith, and faith in what Christ has done for us on our behalf. Faith in the gospel (the good news) is where Christianity begins, and we never outgrow it. All of your efforts don't amount to a drop in the ocean. They will never get you closer to Christ. It's hearing and believing in His gospel that will instantly pull you from the pit you are stuck in, and He will receive all of the glory for it. You and I get none, and we don't like that. We want to do something, but frankly, "You contribute nothing toward your salvation except for the sin that made it necessary". - Jonathan Edwards

So how did you get over this problem?

 

[jimmyjimmy]

So how did you get over this problem?

I came to understand the gospel, through an excellent pastor/preacher/teacher. His name is Tim Keller, and I would recommend one of his many books to you. It's called, The Prodigal God.

 

[WantingtobeHIS]

I came to understand the gospel, through an excellent pastor/preacher/teacher. His name is Tim Keller, and I would recommend one of his many books to you. It's called, The Prodigal God.

Thank you so much. I looked up Tim Keller, he actually had a sermon about the unpardonable sin and it really helped me see what I believe is going on with me. I think you have definitely hit the nail on the head. I think you are correct with I am trying to do everything myself and not rely on God. That is something that Tim Keller said in the end of his sermon on the unpardonable sin and it really stuck out to me and spoke to me. So know the challenge is that I have to learn and figure out how to stop trying to believe enough or how to be good enough for God, or how to have enough faith. I need to just stop trying I guess, it just seems so weird to say to stop trying. It feels like I have to do something.

 

[jimmyjimmy]

Thank you so much. I looked up Tim Keller, he actually had a sermon about the unpardonable sin and it really helped me see what I believe is going on with me. I think you have definitely hit the nail on the head. I think you are correct with I am trying to do everything myself and not rely on God. That is something that Tim Keller said in the end of his sermon on the unpardonable sin and it really stuck out to me and spoke to me. So know the challenge is that I have to learn and figure out how to stop trying to believe enough or how to be good enough for God, or how to have enough faith. I need to just stop trying I guess, it just seems so weird to say to stop trying. It feels like I have to do something.

I'm so glad that helped. I know all too well the mental torture you've described. Yes. You are correct. You need to stop trying/striving, and you can stop when you more fully know that He has accomplished what you or I never could. That's what makes the "good news" so good.

Thanks for letting me know!

Here is a link to some free material from Keller, and of course, you can search YouTube for other things.

Free Sermon Resource | Gospel in Life - Sermons, Books and Resources from Timothy Keller and Redeemer Presbyterian Church

May He bring you peace, as you look to Him as your Savior.

JJ