Staying chaste while vacationing with boyfriend

[Mrs. Luther073082]

Honestly, again, my advice: don't have sex. Having sex doesn't just happen. You have to get together, get yourselves in the mood, take off your clothes, and then actually have sex.

Wow. Thats a lot of time to realise what you're doing, and to realise that no, you shouldn't do this. I mean, just say no. Then you get to have your holiday, and not have sex! Just trust yourself to say no!

QFT.

 

[latteda]

I used to firmly believe that people didn't enter into a sexual relationship spontaneously...that there had to be a question in their minds beforehand about whether or not they would have sex. In other words, I followed the logic that if you don't want to do it, don't do it. I've since changed my mind. It is incredibly, incredibly EASY to find yourself in a position where you have gone too far. Thankfully, I am still a virgin, but I KNOW that it would be so easy to spontaneously have sex and not even think much about it until AFTER the fact.

It could be that for SOME, it's good enough to just say, "We're not going to do it" and stop easily before things get heated. For others, it may not be that simple. Just because it's easy for one couple to put on the brakes at any given moment doesn't mean that it won't be harder for another couple. I am totally committed to saving sex for marriage, but I know that it is INCREDIBLY hard to do so when you're put in a situation where you are alone together and a bed is nearby. I can't even imagine how much harder it would be if separated from other people by hundreds/thousands of miles and no one would even know. I am just saying, as a person who has been STRONGLY committed to premarital abstinence since I was a young teenager, I have found that the times when I think I am strongest and I can say no are the times when I find myself coming close to failing. "To him that thinketh that he stands, take heed, lest he fall."

As far as what people will think...if it were me, that wouldn't be my primary reason for getting separate rooms. But before you make this decision, just realize that people probably ARE going to wonder. If you go ahead with it, and people wonder or question you about it, I'd say you can't really blame them because that's just the way people are.

Now, honestly, if it were me, I would:

1. Get separate rooms, and make sure we (as individuals) got our money's worth out of both rooms.
2. Invite someone else to go along on the trip...hopefully another couple.
3. Hold off on the vacation idea until after I'm married.
4. Invest in an Everlast chastity belt, lock it, and leave the key at home.

That may seem ultra conservative, but I'm just being honest. For a lot of people, maintaining sexual boundaries isn't as easy as, "We're just not going to do it and that's that." People are different. Couples are different. Temptation manifests itself to different people in different ways. What isn't a problem for some people will be for others. That's why I have just told you what I would do if it were ME. It's up to you to decide, and if you're already worried that it may be a problem, that may be a reason to make a very cautious and well thought-out decision about this.

I've just personally found that I like to tell myself that I'm stronger than temptation because I don't want to admit that I could fall. I don't want to admit that I'm afraid of it. Truth is, sometimes you should be afraid of temptation...yes, you do have the power to resist, but it is a very difficult battle sometimes, and there are many things that can weaken your resistance.

 

[Luther073082]

Establish strong boundries and stick to them. If things start to become tempting then it may be a good idea to seperate or do something else. Avoid doing things that tempt your partner, even if they don't tempt you.

So much of this just depends on who you are, what tempts you and what does not. Ultimatly the best advice I can give you is just, "Do what you have to do."

 

[neednotfret]

I appreciate you honesty and can relate to your situation. I was in a similar one several years ago. The way we worked it was to take a friend who wanted to also see the country we had decided to vacation in. (Of course, make this friend pay his own way.)

We made sure that, while we had alone time, it wasn't isolated alone time. We didn't go into a room and close the door. We only held hands when there was some sort of accountability close by, like a friend in the next room while we kept the door of the room that we were talking in open. By the grace of Christ, we stayed pure. I'm so glad we did. I'm now married to someone else and couldn't imagine the grief I would have gone through if we had not taken someone with us.

If you sleep in the same room, you're almost guaranteeing your demise, and you're seriously jeopardizing your testimony. Why put yourself in temptation's way? Do the wise thing that's for your good and ultimately for the glory of Christ—take a friend and make sure you're not sleeping in the same room with someone of the opposite sex before marriage.

 

[Bootstrap]

Honestly, again, my advice: don't have sex. Having sex doesn't just happen. You have to get together, get yourselves in the mood, take off your clothes, and then actually have sex.

Wow. That's a lot of time to realise what you're doing, and to realise that no, you shouldn't do this. I mean, just say no. Then you get to have your holiday, and not have sex! Just trust yourself to say no!

I think this is good advice for some people, bad advice for others.

This would be great advice for my girlfriend. She's not a prude at all, but she knows her boundaries, and she can stick to them. If we go on a vacation together, or even spend the night in the same bed, we won't go past those boundaries. I don't think it's easy for her, but she does this reliably.

This is a lot harder for me. The part of me that decides where the boundaries are is not the same part of me that kisses. If my girlfriend had the same difficulty, we would have to be much more cautious. As it is, she winds up carrying more of the burden than is fair, but she would rather not have to be as cautious as we would be if we were both like me.

So I really think this depends a lot on how good each of you is at keeping boundaries once you start kissing. If one of you is better than the other, I think you should discuss that too.

Jonathan

 

[Windmill]

Good point

 

[chris414]

Honestly, again, my advice: don't have sex. Having sex doesn't just happen. You have to get together, get yourselves in the mood, take off your clothes, and then actually have sex.

Wow. Thats a lot of time to realise what you're doing, and to realise that no, you shouldn't do this. I mean, just say no. Then you get to have your holiday, and not have sex! Just trust yourself to say no!

Simple as that: just tell yourself "no". Once you've established your boundaries, it's a case of yes or no as to whether you cross them. Don't overthink and complicate it... it's either yes or no.

(and yes, I am in a relationship so I can speak from first hand experience)

 

[latteda]

I think this is good advice for some people, bad advice for others.

This would be great advice for my girlfriend. She's not a prude at all, but she knows her boundaries, and she can stick to them. If we go on a vacation together, or even spend the night in the same bed, we won't go past those boundaries. I don't think it's easy for her, but she does this reliably.

This is a lot harder for me. The part of me that decides where the boundaries are is not the same part of me that kisses.

Exactly! Same for me, as well. Except for in my situation, we are both that way. So it's just asking for trouble if we put ourselves in a situation where we could easily compromise our standards. I know from personal experience that you can be 100% committed to not crossing a certain boundary, but once you get started, you often don't even stop to THINK about the fact that you're about to cross it.