Sometimes wish I'd never lived

Gentlyfallingsnow · Mar 21, 2005

I don't know if this is the right place for this post...just wonder sometimes why it is I feel I'd rather never have lived in the first place....I am a Christian, I have a personal relationship with Jesus, I think I should not be arguing with my creator about why did He create me...I am not suicidal or anything like that, just in a bit of a funk...I have some problems in my life like everyone else but nothing new or major in comparison to some people... Thanks for any thoughts...

FoundInGrace · Mar 22, 2005

dear Gentlyfallingsnow
I am glad you are alive.
i am praying, i'm about to head out in 10 mins so this is a quick post, just wanted you to know i'm thinking of you about this. You were created with a purpose and nothing can take that away from you.
someone once said to me and i'm guilty of not doing this myself so i say it only because i have found it helpful:

only believe about yourself what God says about you.

:hug:

just have to say your username is so beautiful.

vinc · Mar 22, 2005

The thoughts you are going through are normal and natural for any human being even a christian. God has a perfect plan for you and He is extremely concerned to see that fulfilled in your life. Every human being goes through difficulties and problems in life coz we made our lives so tough to live. As a Christian we must take the afflictions in a positive way. The Bible says, "The Bread of Adversity and the Water of Affliction". So, when suffering comes to a Christian, s(he) thinks that it is "Bread" and "Water" to "eat" and "drink" and become strong spiritually. I can understand you and any true christian would understand you for all of us pass through the way of suffering. A Man of God said, "He who bears the Cross, the Cross itself bears him". So, if we bear the Cross of suffering, the Cross itself bears us and carries us through. This is the secret. God is always with us even in the midst of our suffering.

One thing i have found among some Christians (especially young Christians) is that they dislike to pass through the "School of Suffering" by which God would like to refine us spiritually as pure Gold and thereby are in danger of loosing the immense spiritual blessings which God has in store for them.

Even our Lord Jesus Christ had to pass through the "School of Suffering" and i am sure we are not more special than Him.

Hope that encourages you....

angelwind · Mar 22, 2005

You are not alone snow...I have always had a difficult time with "being alive". Negative things happened to me at a very early age and I did not know the Lord as a child so many negative thought patterns and behaviors developed in my life. On the outside I looked quiet and docile...on the inside was deep pain and buried rebellion and grief.
I can truthfully say the Lord has reached into my heart and brought beauty for ashes...and HE CONTINUES to work bringing me more and more joy in my salvation.

You were created to spend eternity with the Father ans His Son we are just passing thru on earth so to speak. There is a good reson why you are here and you are loved even now deeply by God, even if you cannot feel Him nor respond well to His love.

Try to stay in communication with the believers, listen to praise and worship music, study your Bible and trust Him...not your emotions. :wave:

brotherjim · Mar 22, 2005

Great!!!

Great that you feel that way, that is.

Today's Gospel message does not include some of what were intended to be very basic, foundational Christian principles that all, even the newest of Christians in many cases, should understand.

"He who loses His life for My sake, will find it."

It is only after we come to the point in our lives when we feel the way you now do, Gently, that God can then begin to take us further, to that place He wants us to be and that He knows we must get to.

God's Spirit brings us to the place where we must hate our life, and hopefully, likely, this is what is happening to you. Run to Him, for He is a jealous God, and your intimacy must be with Him.

Luke 14:25-33, 17:26-33; Mat. 10:34-39, 16:24-25; Mark 8:34-37; James 4:1-10; John 12:24-25; Acts 14:22.

May our Heavenly Father bless you and lead you to finding the life He has ordained since the foundation of the world, be yours, in Jesus' Name, amen.

brotherjim

MrJim · Mar 22, 2005

You came to the right place-there are many caring people here and they will be able to help. Often I want to just tell someone how to fix their problem but Vinc said it well. I just want you to know that when you need to talk with someone we'll all be here for you. I was in your shoes many years ago and it drove me to near suicide but God brought someone into my life to talk with and it made all the difference.

brotherjim · Mar 22, 2005

"I must decrease. . . ."

John the B.

carmi · Mar 22, 2005

I do have similar thoughts at times. Maybe you are searching for the answer what God wants you to do, what His plan is.

Mr.Cheese · Mar 22, 2005

But you're here. You didn't ask to be I know. But there is nothing you can do to undo that. You're here. So now that you're here, what are you going to do with your life? I really understand how you feel. I am doing my best to live, not be alive, but to live. It's all you can do really.

Evie · Mar 23, 2005

He is always with you no matter what you go through.
In Pslms 34:18 it reads that He is close to the brokenhearted.
God loves you

IndyCision · Mar 23, 2005

Gentlyfallingsnow,
I can't really add much to what has been said already, but I just wanted to say that I would not compare the problems in your life with those of other people. Those problems are just as improtant to God as they are to you.

BTW I have to say that I also like your username

TheOriginalWhitehorse · Mar 23, 2005

You're not alone. Every person on the face of the planet goes through this at some point or another. Sometimes it happens when we don't see what the Lord is doing with our circumstances. I know I'm not alone in praying for your encouragement.

God be with you.

StaySalty · Mar 25, 2005

Hi Gentlyfallingsnow,

1 [a] I will extol the LORD at all times;

his praise will always be on my lips.

2 My soul will boast in the LORD ;

let the afflicted hear and rejoice.

3 Glorify the LORD with me;

let us exalt his name together.

4 I sought the LORD , and he answered me;

he delivered me from all my fears.

5 Those who look to him are radiant;

their faces are never covered with shame.

6 This poor man called, and the LORD heard him;

he saved him out of all his troubles.

7 The angel of the LORD encamps around those who fear him,

and he delivers them.

8 Taste and see that the LORD is good;

blessed is the man who takes refuge in him.

Psalm 34:1-8

Gentlyfallingsnow, God loves you dearly. Take your burdeons to Him, and tell Him exactly how you feel. He has a purpose for you that only you can fill. As mentioned, we've all felt that way at some time or another. I want to share one more Psalm with you, verse 8 hangs on a cross on my wall as a reminder.

God bless you

Feel free to PM me if I can be of help.

6 Though the LORD is on high, he looks upon the lowly,

but the proud he knows from afar.

7 Though I walk in the midst of trouble,

you preserve my life;

you stretch out your hand against the anger of my foes,

with your right hand you save me.

8 The LORD will fulfill his purpose for me;

your love, O LORD , endures forever- do not abandon the works of your hands.

Psalm 138:6-8

Gentlyfallingsnow · Mar 28, 2005

Thank you for your replies. I do believe that God loves me, even though I have to say sometimes I "feel" cold about that because I do not always have the "feelings" that God loves me. But I know it is true He loves us whether I feel it or not, I have only to look at his outstretched arms on the cross. Then sometimes I feel guilty I do not appreciate this more and how can I even complain...

I would like to get to know some other Christian women in real life but have not done this. I do go to a Bible study where they study the Bible and someone gives a talk also, and I do go to church, but I have not gone out on a limb to try and make real friends and have been pretty superficial with people -- hi how are you -- fine -- see you next week kind of thing. It's odd cause I say I'd like to have some Christian friends and yet I do not actively pursue it I guess as much as I could. That is a different topic though, but then maybe in a way it's related.

So yes I guess I have to believe that God created me for a reason, and to give glory to Him, and that I should trust in Him and think more about Him and others and less about me.

BlessedVegan · Mar 29, 2005

I think perhaps as a Christian this can bother people even more. I mean, as a Christian, I feel the need to behave well more than I did before I was a Christian. Not that I was a particurly bad person by the world's standards, I wasn't. But it was all relative and there generally wasn't a higher reason to do things. But now, with all my failures, I see it as letting down God. Of course we will do this and God knows this and loves us still. But I think alot of Christians get worried about dissapoitning God by not being good enough. Maybe this is what you're going through? I hope you feel better and just remember that God loves you and every attempt that you make to be a better Christian.

doulos · Mar 29, 2005

Hi,

we must remember that in this world of sin, whenever God does a work in our lives, Satan is sometimes allowed to oppose, and we are placed in God's Gymnasium. Conflict helps us develop whenever we keep close to the Lord. Sometimes our trials may be painful, but always designed for our good. Remember Job, the oldest book of the Bible, how Satan was used to try him and to bring him to where God wanted him ...

May I recommend you a good write-up on Christian trial in a beautiful devotional Christian book posted in the Internet? You can find it in

http://www.sedin.org/portions/p10eng.html

Best regards,

Doulos

If Not For Grace · Mar 29, 2005

This may NOT be the right place but you said ANY thoughts--
Everytime I hear this sappy poor me stuff from Christians-it ruffels my feathers.

EVERY SOLDIER, POLICE OFFICER and not to mention MY GOOD LORD put their LIFE out there for us--The least we can do it try and live each day so NONE OF THEM HAVE TO FEEL THEY DIED IN VAIN.

I'm glad to be here, I have fought hard and will again if need be for the OPPORTUNITY to enjoy just ONE MORE DAY

TheOriginalWhitehorse · Mar 29, 2005

I don't think it's a pity party to respond in a normal fashion to things we don't understand. Hats off to all our men and women serving in these positions; I don't think depression is a denigration of their sacrifices.

doulos · Mar 29, 2005

Are these echoes of Eliphaz, Bildad and Zophar, Job's unsympathetic friends? Or, in the words of the great Dreamer, someone like the unsympathetic preacher that he describes with this words: "I found him, though a good man, a stranger to much combat with the devil"? (in Grace Abounding to the Chief of Sinners, by John Bunyan), http://calvarychapel.com/library/Bunyan-John/GraceAbounding/GraceAbounding.htm#01

There are experiences and dark nights that are resolved in victory through the grace of God, and God gives different experiences to different ones of His according to His sovereign dealings in His wisdom with each one of us.

Take heart, weary pilgrim, the Lord will not let you be tempted (tried) beyond what you can endure. He will also give you with the trial the way out so that you may resist. He is faithful, and He is holding you in the palm of His hand ... Just trust that love that made the Son of God come down to seek and save YOU, and who is now living in Resurrection glory to preserve you with all power on Earth and in Heaven.

Look away from yourself and fix your eyes on the Lord. You have believed in Him ... He died for you. He lives for you. You are accepted NOT for anything in yourself, but because of what HE is and what HE did. His righteousness and His sacrifice are what God sees for you. You are as loved and as accepted as He is, for His sake. This because the Father loved you and gave His Son for you. ... So do not fret, just look to Him and rest in Him. To this you are called. And then go on trusting in Him who is the Great Shepherd of the sheep. Not one of His has been lost yet. Ever. He will hold you fast and secure. So just stop listening to other voices and listen to the voice you know of the Good Shepherd, His accents of love and assurance.

SHA77 · Mar 31, 2005

Child,
You ain't alone!
Just praise God when you go "through". Whether you realize it or not he is right beside you, call on him, pray without ceasing! PUSH - Pray Until Something Happens!!!

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