Social Anxiety

[JC4uNme]

Has anyone who has suffered from social anxiety ever felt like a failure in life?? I have felt like a big failure for a while now. I can't get out there and do much of anything because i'm always afriad of people and what they think of me or I worry that they are laughing at me or whatever.

Then I think about God and how I am failing Him because I can't get out there and be a good witness for Him because i'm too shy. I just want to be a good witness for Him, but how can I be if i'm afraid of people and can't seem to get out there and DO something good for Him?? God must think i'm a HUGE failure. I sure do feel like one.

 

[Stanfi]

Has anyone who has suffered from social anxiety ever felt like a failure in life?? I have felt like a big failure for a while now. I can't get out there and do much of anything because i'm always afriad of people and what they think of me or I worry that they are laughing at me or whatever.

Then I think about God and how I am failing Him because I can't get out there and be a good witness for Him because i'm too shy. I just want to be a good witness for Him, but how can I be if i'm afraid of people and can't seem to get out there and DO something good for Him?? God must think i'm a HUGE failure. I sure do feel like one.

JC,

This is a sign of depression, and yes I have felt this way.. Look here.

http://www.lexapro.com/about_depression/default.asp#2

 

[MissKitty62656]

God must think i'm a HUGE failure. I sure do feel like one.

God doesn't look at us the way we do. When He looks at us He sees the blood of Jesus. The only FAILURE is in giving up...

We are fearfully and wonderfully made!

 

[CeCe]

I really do understand. It's the kind of thing that is more than just shyness. I struggle with being extremely uncomfortable around people. I feel almost panicky around the people at my church. And they've been absolutely wonderful. I feel like I'm "bracing myself" (for what, I have no idea ) And the truly kooky part of it for me is that I KNOW it's kooky. And I still feel it.

Just wanted you to know that you are not alone. I know HE can help all of us with any issue we may have. Praying for you.

 

[wblastyn]

JC,

This is a sign of depression, and yes I have felt this way.. Look here.

http://www.lexapro.com/about_depression/default.asp#2

I thought I should mention that depression and social anxiety disorder are linked. Social anxiety can trigger depression.

 

[JC4uNme]

JC,

This is a sign of depression, and yes I have felt this way.. Look here.

http://www.lexapro.com/about_depression/default.asp#2

Thanks for that link mrstace.


Thanks to everyone else for letting me talk a little about this. You've ALL been a big help. Hugs to all.....

 

[poppy]

hi, this is my first post, i'm new.

i too have social anxiety and its a nightmare, it has led to so many problems and i've been let down so much by people, i have no close friends really, i've come to the point where i've given up on that for the time being. it's too painful to allow myself to get hurt, it has a lot to do with social anxiety, low self esteem and lack of assertiveness.

But i do realise i have to keep pushing through, perserverance that's the key...try and read every book you can on social anxiety and write in them, write your thoughts etc and corresponding bible verses to what they say. i.e. God did not give me a spirit of fear etc. A good book to read is (healing the shame that binds you by John Bradshaw.) Also saying Gods promises to yourself everyday i.e. i can do all things through christ etc, will eventually change your thought patterns. and learn a relaxation technique listen to a tape everyday as this helps your muscles relax and eventually you can learn breathing and realaxation techniques to help calm yourself when you are in an anxious state. It does take some discipline to repeat things to yourself each day. I have been listening to Dr richards cbt tapes and using handouts with written statements on which i say to myself each day, and it does help a lot.

if anyone who has social anxiety and would like an email buddy for support in that area, feel free to email me. God bless

 

[ZiSunka]

JC4uNmeI only came back to CF because you have been on my mind and in my prayers. I have a couple good books that might help you a lot. I have sent books to more than a dozen CFers and I swear to you (and I never swear) that I will not use your address for anything other than sending you the books. Miss Becky can be my reference. I sent books to her sister several months ago. I don't charge for the books.

I just want to see you be able to move past this problem and enjoy life the way it's supposed to be. I used to have severe social phobia which affected my career and my relationships, but now I am almost normal, at least in that way .

Please email me your address. I promise to address the package and then delete you email so you can rest assured that it will never be used in vain.

 

[poppy]

hi,

its me again i realised i posted my reply without reading most of the other replies cos i only read up to about page 2, didn't realise there were any more pages, sorry.

yes i feel like a complete and utter failure sometimes especially when people talk about how we should evangelise and witness to our friends.....uggh i haven't really got any friends, i get scared to say hello to aquaintances sometimes and look the other way. then i get feelings of guilt and hating myself for not being a good witness.

 

[GodOwnsMe]

(((((((poppy))))))) God, please help Poppy. Comfort
and resotore her, show her what to do, give her courage and much love.
In the name of Jesus. Amen
contact me anytime if ya wanna talk =) know a lil lil lil lil bit of that..

 

[Stanfi]

JC4uNME,

I sincerly hope that you are reaching out to someone for some help. I hope and pray that God is giving you the strength to do that. There has been several people in this thread showing a lot of love to you. I just hope you can receive it.

Anxiety, in it's various forms, and depression will take more from you than you have wanted to give up. It has stolen more from me that I think I can ever get back. It will affect you in your career, because it won't allow you to push forward, and take those better oppournties, because you can't talk to the right people, and many times you are just afraid to make a change. It will destroy personal relationships. It took one from me, the girl I was seeing just thought I was to quiet. She said it just felt awkard in person. I would talk and talk on the computer when her, but in person I would just clam up. Why? she was really attractive, and I was always afraid of saying the wrong thing or looking stupid. So, I lost.

It will take friendships. Unless people understand what you are going through. How? People get tired of being around you if you are always down and complaining about something. Or if one minute your in a good mood, and the next your not (mood swings). With anxiety and depression it's hard to make good quality relationships with people, so you get hurt alot. Eventually you build up emotional walls, and won't let anyone near you. Even though your really dying to let people close to you, your afraid to. So, you end up pushing people away from you, more than likely it's the ones that you really need.

It will take it's toll on you physically. Overactive heart rate, headaches, just being tired all the time.

Maybe, I've got a little to personal here. I am hoping that you related to some of things that I have said. I just want you to realize that your not alone. Maybe, I've make you feel better about yourself. Perhaps your saying "Gee I don't have anywhere near those problems"

Don't get some help, because we want you to. Do it for yourself, because to you that is who matters.

If there is one thing I hate. It's anxiety and depression. Those are a pairs of theives who have stolen from me, and I just don't to see anyone else being victimized by them. That's why I keep trying to help you JC.

 

[E-beth]

JC

Yup, Iddie4him is correct...I have a pretty extreme case of SAD... I will PM you with my whole ugly story, but I will say that from all the research and things I have done, SA and depression are very often linked. Probably because we feel like stupid little scared rabbits most of the time.

The hardest part of SA for me is wanting people to understand. People don't understand being in a prison where the door is wide open but you stay. Even my husband will sometimes get frustrated with my being physically unable to talk on the phone. He can get angry enough to leave me (he never would by the way) but that still would not make me able to talk on the phone.

You are not alone. I am in the cell right next door to you.

 

[JC4uNme]

JC4uNmeI only came back to CF because you have been on my mind and in my prayers. I have a couple good books that might help you a lot. I have sent books to more than a dozen CFers and I swear to you (and I never swear) that I will not use your address for anything other than sending you the books. Miss Becky can be my reference. I sent books to her sister several months ago. I don't charge for the books.

I just want to see you be able to move past this problem and enjoy life the way it's supposed to be. I used to have severe social phobia which affected my career and my relationships, but now I am almost normal, at least in that way .

Please email me your address. I promise to address the package and then delete you email so you can rest assured that it will never be used in vain.

I just sent you and email. Thank You!

 

[JC4uNme]

JC4uNME,

I sincerly hope that you are reaching out to someone for some help. I hope and pray that God is giving you the strength to do that. There has been several people in this thread showing a lot of love to you. I just hope you can receive it.

Anxiety, in it's various forms, and depression will take more from you than you have wanted to give up. It has stolen more from me that I think I can ever get back. It will affect you in your career, because it won't allow you to push forward, and take those better oppournties, because you can't talk to the right people, and many times you are just afraid to make a change. It will destroy personal relationships. It took one from me, the girl I was seeing just thought I was to quiet. She said it just felt awkard in person. I would talk and talk on the computer when her, but in person I would just clam up. Why? she was really attractive, and I was always afraid of saying the wrong thing or looking stupid. So, I lost.

It will take friendships. Unless people understand what you are going through. How? People get tired of being around you if you are always down and complaining about something. Or if one minute your in a good mood, and the next your not (mood swings). With anxiety and depression it's hard to make good quality relationships with people, so you get hurt alot. Eventually you build up emotional walls, and won't let anyone near you. Even though your really dying to let people close to you, your afraid to. So, you end up pushing people away from you, more than likely it's the ones that you really need.

It will take it's toll on you physically. Overactive heart rate, headaches, just being tired all the time.

Maybe, I've got a little to personal here. I am hoping that you related to some of things that I have said. I just want you to realize that your not alone. Maybe, I've make you feel better about yourself. Perhaps your saying "Gee I don't have anywhere near those problems"

Don't get some help, because we want you to. Do it for yourself, because to you that is who matters.

If there is one thing I hate. It's anxiety and depression. Those are a pairs of theives who have stolen from me, and I just don't to see anyone else being victimized by them. That's why I keep trying to help you JC.

mrstace:
I've related to just about everything you said when dealing with career, relationships... everything! I want so much to have one, just ONE person in my life that I can talk to and who understands. I have put up such a huge wall around me, like what you talked about, and, yes, i'm afraid to let people in. I never let anyone get too close to me and I hate that. I just want to have a happy life and not worry about who's going to talk to me next at the grocery store and worry about what I say to them, if it is right or sounds stupid, etc.

I go to family dinners and I feel like an outcast, I want so much to fit in with them, but I can't. I freeze up and never say the right things and feel like such an idiot afterwards. I have messed up soooo many relationships because of this. I'm tired of fighting it. I did have a pretty good week last week, but, for some reason, the past two days have been a nightmare. I want to talk to someone, I just don't know where to start. I've always kept my feelings inside. And, no, I haven't been to the doctor yet, I know I should, just can't seem to get there.

OK... I feel like i'm rambling on and on. I will shut up now!

 

[wblastyn]

mrstace:
I've related to just about everything you said when dealing with career, relationships... everything! I want so much to have one, just ONE person in my life that I can talk to and who understands. I have put up such a huge wall around me, like what you talked about, and, yes, i'm afraid to let people in. I never let anyone get too close to me and I hate that. I just want to have a happy life and not worry about who's going to talk to me next at the grocery store and worry about what I say to them, if it is right or sounds stupid, etc.

I go to family dinners and I feel like an outcast, I want so much to fit in with them, but I can't. I freeze up and never say the right things and feel like such an idiot afterwards. I have messed up soooo many relationships because of this. I'm tired of fighting it. I did have a pretty good week last week, but, for some reason, the past two days have been a nightmare. I want to talk to someone, I just don't know where to start. I've always kept my feelings inside. And, no, I haven't been to the doctor yet, I know I should, just can't seem to get there.

OK... I feel like i'm rambling on and on. I will shut up now!

Hi, I'm the same as you. I never speak to anyone so I have hardly any friends, I don't like letting people in so I push them away, etc.

I went to the doctor about my depression and she refered me to a counsellor, who I am going to talk to about the social anxiety to. So just force yourself to go to the doctor, you will feel better knowing that you are on the road to recovery.

 

[wblastyn]

JC

Yup, Iddie4him is correct...I have a pretty extreme case of SAD... I will PM you with my whole ugly story, but I will say that from all the research and things I have done, SA and depression are very often linked. Probably because we feel like stupid little scared rabbits most of the time.

Yes, they are linked to the same chemical imbalance I think.

The hardest part of SA for me is wanting people to understand. People don't understand being in a prison where the door is wide open but you stay. Even my husband will sometimes get frustrated with my being physically unable to talk on the phone. He can get angry enough to leave me (he never would by the way) but that still would not make me able to talk on the phone.

People just assume I'm "shy" or whatever and it's hard trying to explain that it's more than being "shy" so I just don't bother.

I am also terrified of answering the phone, I will only answer it if I know it is my parents or sister or a close friend (I have 1) and even then I am uncomforable.

You are not alone. I am in the cell right next door to you.

Hey, I'm in the cell on the other side of you

 

[cyberwing]

Dear JC4uNme,
Mr. Stace has given you some good direction. Your anxiety is real and you need to seek help. Maybe you should go see a doctor. I just wondered if you have turned to your BEST friend, Jesus. I mean really gone to Him and told Him your challenge with this and asked His help? "Ye have not because ye ask not..." Jesus understands your fear completely and your feelings of inadequacy around your family. I know, been there-done that as the saying goes. I have a certified genius in my family and it's very hard to live up to that..... I finally quit trying and understood that Jesus is my justification. If HE loves me, why should I CARE what man says? ANYONE for that matter! "Who is man that thou art mindful of him?" That verse has given so much peace to my own heart.
Jesus put something unique inside of you. There is NO one on this earth just like YOU. You must understand some people will not like you, it's just part of our flesh to clash with some personalities. It's okay, you will find others that you do get along with and who understand you and what you go through.
Have you ever reached out to just say a kind word or offer a small encouragement to someone. "Well done, that was a job well done." That can open doors of friendship to you. Some people will not respond but that is okay, one day you will make someone smile just by saying a kind word.
If you need to chat, PM anytime. {{{HUGS}}}
~Cyberwing

 

[Stanfi]

mrstace:
I've related to just about everything you said when dealing with career, relationships... everything! I want so much to have one, just ONE person in my life that I can talk to and who understands. I have put up such a huge wall around me, like what you talked about, and, yes, i'm afraid to let people in. I never let anyone get too close to me and I hate that. I just want to have a happy life and not worry about who's going to talk to me next at the grocery store and worry about what I say to them, if it is right or sounds stupid, etc.

I go to family dinners and I feel like an outcast, I want so much to fit in with them, but I can't. I freeze up and never say the right things and feel like such an idiot afterwards. I have messed up soooo many relationships because of this. I'm tired of fighting it. I did have a pretty good week last week, but, for some reason, the past two days have been a nightmare. I want to talk to someone, I just don't know where to start. I've always kept my feelings inside. And, no, I haven't been to the doctor yet, I know I should, just can't seem to get there.

OK... I feel like i'm rambling on and on. I will shut up now!

JC4uNE,

I can relate to everthing you have said here. I do beg you to go to the doctor. I'm being taking Lexapro for 6 months now!! Med, studying and learning all I can about anxiety and depression, praying talking to friends. I am thinking about doing some online couseling. With all of these I am getting better, but it is still a fight. But you have to start somewhere. I have bad weeks and good weeks, which I am sure people can tell from the things I post here. However, I constanly seek answers for questions that I have.

I hope this makes sense, I'm traveling and in the middle of Kansas right now, kinda tired since I have traveled for about 15hrs today, but I felt like I needed to say something in this thread.

Like I said earlier, I don't mean to be pushy. I just would you to get help. It's not a weakness. I needed and still need help. I just don't want anxiety and depression to steal anymore from you than it already has.

God Bless, and you are in my prayers.

 

[JC4uNme]

Dear JC4uNme,
Mr. Stace has given you some good direction. Your anxiety is real and you need to seek help. Maybe you should go see a doctor. I just wondered if you have turned to your BEST friend, Jesus. I mean really gone to Him and told Him your challenge with this and asked His help? "Ye have not because ye ask not..." Jesus understands your fear completely and your feelings of inadequacy around your family. I know, been there-done that as the saying goes. I have a certified genius in my family and it's very hard to live up to that..... I finally quit trying and understood that Jesus is my justification. If HE loves me, why should I CARE what man says? ANYONE for that matter! "Who is man that thou art mindful of him?" That verse has given so much peace to my own heart.
Jesus put something unique inside of you. There is NO one on this earth just like YOU. You must understand some people will not like you, it's just part of our flesh to clash with some personalities. It's okay, you will find others that you do get along with and who understand you and what you go through.
Have you ever reached out to just say a kind word or offer a small encouragement to someone. "Well done, that was a job well done." That can open doors of friendship to you. Some people will not respond but that is okay, one day you will make someone smile just by saying a kind word.
If you need to chat, PM anytime. {{{HUGS}}}
~Cyberwing

I haven't been online much lately.

Ever since I read your post, Cyberwing, I have been thinking. One thing caught my eye. I haven't really went to Jesus for help with this. I might be talking about this problem with you guys through the posts I write, but I really haven't gone to Him with this. I guess it's about time I have.

 

[JC4uNme]

You know what really makes me mad?? I tried to talk to my dad a little today about this social phobia I have and you know what he does?!?! He laughs at me and tells me it's just NOT true. OK........ whatever. I'm sure he knows how hard it is for me to go to the grocery store, drug store, post office, bank or where ever in public. NOT. It just makes me want to stay at home the rest of my life and never go back out. Not a bad idea.