Slipping away

[Lord Herdsetk]

I starred out the window.

Drip....
Drip.....
Drip....

Its raining. Rain drops cover my bedroom window.
Its funny. As rain hits a window's surface, it begins to slide and lose its form and mass. In order for it to move forward, it must sacrifice a bit of itself, little by little, till it completes its journey towards the bottom. What it used to be and what it will become are two different things, and yet at the essence of what it is, the same thing. Each unique raindrop sacrifices itself. Little by little. Til its just a pile of incomprehensible liquid.
Drip.......Drip........Drip........*slide*


I often feel like rain in that way. The last few years have taken a toll on me, I know. In order for me to go on, I've had to leave behind those that I've known all my life. Some were good people, some were bad. Those that I knew in high school have gone their own ways, and I'm still here in my home town, about to make my own way in the world.

I move out in three months, and I'm terrified. Not because I'm afraid of where I'm going, but I'm afraid that I have nothing left of myself. My beliefs, my personality, my likes and dislikes, all of it has changed. It seems like the time I most need to have my foundation restored by those I looked up to, they won't be around to help.

I'm moving somewhere where I'll know noone. My people skills have been shot to hell over the last few years, and my faith in God could best be described as running on low. I take that back actually. I believe in God, my faith in Jesus Christ is running on low. The more I've dug into Christianity and its origins, the more afraid I become. It really can seem to be 'just another religion' if you look at the basics. What scares me more than anything is someone uneducated telling me about their experiences with Jesus and God.

On one hand, I don't want to doubt them. On the other hand, they could very well be misreading things, or looking too deeply into something that has happened in their life as an act of Christ. Personal experience tells me there is a God, and that Jesus being His Son isn't as far fetched as I would have initially believed when I first started researching more about Christianity.

Drip drip drip. The more I find, the more I have to tear out apart of myself in order to gain more knowledge.

Guys, let me be frank with you. Maybe you guys don't think the same way as me, but I question myself and what I stand for when I'm not absolutely sure of something. The last three years have been hell for me. Its felt like the essence of who I am has been forcibly ripped out from me. I feel like a shell of a person. For the sake of knowledge, I feel like I've only stirred doubt and worry and despair. Is this what he meant by gaining the whole world but losing your soul?

I really don't know who I am anymore. I've lost touch with reality. I've lost my drive in life. I don't have any relationships that I can really rely on for this. The only person I would trust telling this to is even more unstable than me. I feel like I'm at my wit's end.

Thoughts?

 

[Gym]

Dude I'm moving soon also to somewhere where I won't know anyone.
I know what you mean

 

[Gabe7]

Proverbs 3:5

Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding

 

[wintermile]

Nah, it is not 'just another religion'. In other religions, human sacrificing is sought and performed. In other religions, masters are not holy.

Without Him, we can not reach our fullest potential. With Him, we Honor Him.

Having researched christianity, you surely are apt to research more. You have had experiences where you feel a PUSH to read this biblical book or do so as He directs, I am certain. You know it is a push, because it comes out of nowhere : ) But back to the labor of researching His authority. Often I find if I want to mesh my conceptual will for joy and righteousness with His family, I read the OT. Their relationships with Our All Mighty One are not private, and they love Him. You on the other hand may be well versed throughout OT studies and have moved on to other important studies.

When I see how often secular individuals do not exalt Him, firstly I am aware I am a minority, secondly I attempt to offer all He has given me to offer. But how great it is to be in ones family sphere, where living for Him is a major given! The concinnity of His word means the world to me. Aware of my faults, I liken my attitude to slow down. So that I secure all of the spiritual advancement I proclaim in His name, I meditate on how to be aware of those who strong-arm every thing. Of my own sin nature, I write down scriptures concerning what happens to Him when I sin; I do so to know He is there to powerfully lead me away from sin. Since the demons know He is Holy, since other religions mention naught His sanctity, I cannot see how comparisons may even be specified.

There is too much research out there for you to, suddenly, get stuck.

 

[Lord Herdsetk]

Overwhelmed would more aptly describe my situation. The problem is exactly that there is SO much out there to research and learn.

I'm not a very complicated man, I've just been put in complicated situations.

 

[Mess]

Overwhelmed would more aptly describe my situation. The problem is exactly that there is SO much out there to research and learn.

I'm not a very complicated man, I've just been put in complicated situations.

Look here's the deal, you are doubting The Word because of research you read up on, and the reason you doubt them is because you think it is from an uneducated standpoint. But if you think The Bible is work from man's hand, then what exactly is the point in reading it? You see the point is, it is not inspired by the mind of someone that is uneducated, it is all inspired by His Spirit. You claim there is something untrustworthy, but let me ask you, what is trustworty about a man or woman that writes and researches with one goal in mind and that is to destroy the bases of our faith? And that from man's perspective, which is fallible by default? Why trust a secular scientist when his own theories are generally discarded in weeks rather then months? Why do you put more faith in those people, that for as for as you know can be just as uneducated as the people from the Bible? Why doubt a man like Luke, while even secular Historians realise that the book of Luke is incredible accurate. And what on earth can you read more into the fact that Jesus healed the sick, let the blind see again, revived the death, and let the cripple walk again? What can you misinterpret about his return from the death? You see even if you are educated, if you see that kind of stuff happen you can't explain it any other way. People try to, sure they do, but there is no other reasonable explanation. You are too invested in the world, you are giving it too much value. In stead I'd advice you to focus on Him.

 

[Lord Herdsetk]

It seems everyone thinks I mean scientific research because I used the word research...


Let me rephrase my statement. I've looked into the origins of the OT and NT (NT to a lesser degree). There are theological technicalities that may seem trite to you, but unnerve me. Scientifically speaking, I actually have no problems with science and the bible. I think they work wonderfully together. Science is obviously the less reliable source of info because its changing all the time, but that's okay. Its meant to be an explanation of the world around us, not a definition of the world around us.

What unnerves me is things like our definition of hell. In the New Testament, it mentions Hades several times. There are several ways to interpret this. One is that the Jews, over time, borrowed theology from their Greek and Roman neighbors, turning what was once the depth into hell. Another is that we (as in some denominations) , completely misinterpreted what hell actually is.

In Greek, the word for both death and Hades is thanatos. Could it really be that the hell full of fire is not exactly what the Jews were talking about? Could hell really be just eternal separation from God through death? Its not as foreign an idea as you might think.

The story of Lazarus and the rich man is often used to describe what hell will be like. However, many don't acknowledge that it is a parable, or rather a story meant to teach a spiritual lesson while hiding its meaning to those who do not wish to learn its meaning. Was hell really the purpose of this parable, or are we just misinterpreting it due to cultural difference?

 

[Verve]

I went through a phase where I tried on a bunch of religions.
Read their holy books, talked to people and what not.

If we're just talking text and continuity here, the Bible is the only one of these that I've seen that is fully able to use itself as a reference and can be used to define its own context.

As far as defining hell, I think a lot of modern Christians are unaware of how polluted modern mainstream Christianity is with concepts borrowed from other faiths.

Seriously. When you research how mainstream Christians celebrate their holidays and the roots to paganism it's mildly sickening.

You might just be having trouble dealing with the passion of those who have studied less than you. Just remember that we are all part of the body and have different talents. Some people find it easy to "just believe" without looking at anything else.

Being a researcher is a gift in its own way. You question things and desire to see them in context. Let me tell you, I felt pretty silly questioning when the answer was in my face the whole time.

 

[GQ Chris]

I went through that, and still go through it from time to time. My experience has been that when I have kept my eyes on Jesus Christ, everything else gets taken care of. I'm complete in Him alone.

 

[Gabe7]

The story of Lazarus and the rich man is often used to describe what hell will be like. However, many don't acknowledge that it is a parable, or rather a story meant to teach a spiritual lesson while hiding its meaning to those who do not wish to learn its meaning. Was hell really the purpose of this parable, or are we just misinterpreting it due to cultural difference?

If you try to know the mind of God you will only chase the wind. Take the story at face value. Leave thinking into things too much to people who make a living at it by confusing others. I don't think Jesus ever told us to read into what he said beyond the obvious. His focus seemed to be on people treating others in a kind way and for us to set a Godly example by how we live our lives.

 

[wintermile]

Do you write about the research you have gleaned online somewhere?

One of my favorite cyber-missionaries is Chris White at knowwheretorun1984 on youtube and revelation radio. Whenever you need a different atmosphere to expand upon, his research is up to date. For something different, I suggest viewing his playlist for his Chris Pinto uploads The Atlantis Connection.