Singles Humour

[Beauty4Ashes]

A man gets into a hot air balloon and lifts off, but the securing line snaps and he begins to drift. Eventually, he comes reasonably close to the ground over a town and sees a man standing below him. He shouts, "Where am I?!" The man looks up at him and shouts, "You're in a balloon!"

The man in the balloon says, "You must be an engineer!" The man on the ground says, "How did you know that?!" The first man responds, "Because you've just answered my question but you managed not to communicate anything useful!"

The man on the ground says, "You must be in middle management!" The man in the balloon says, "How did you know that?!" The man on the ground says, "Because you were in a bad situation, you asked for my help and I gave it, and you're in no worse a situation than you were before, but now it's my fault!"

OOOOHHHHHH......that is TOOOOOO Awesome! Now I have to rep you!

 

[JPPT1974]

OOOOHHHHHH......that is TOOOOOO Awesome! Now I have to rep you!

Couldn't agree with you anymore!

 

[Willtor]

w00t! And now I'm over 10K! Gracias!

 

[Willtor]

John Kerry walks into a bar and the bartender asks, "why the long face?"

 

[LOVEthroughINTELLECT]

Person A: "What was Bill Clinton's most obvious mistake as President of the United States?"

Person B: "What?"

Person A: "Nominating Dr. Henry Foster for Surgeon General."

Person B: "How was that an obvious mistake?"

Person A: Well, since Dr. Foster is an obstetrician it would have made more sense to nominate him for Secretary of Labor".

 

[Beauty4Ashes]

An atheist was taking a walk through the woods.

"What majestic trees! What powerful rivers! What beautiful animals!" he said to himself. As he was walking alongside the river he heard a rustling in the bushes behind him.

He turned to look and saw a 7 foot grizzly bear charge towards him.

He ran as fast as he could up the path. He looked over his shoulder and saw that the bear was closing in on him.

He looked over his shoulder again and the bear was even closer.

He tripped and fell on the ground.
He rolled over to pick himself up but saw the bear right on top of him, reaching for him with his left paw and raising his right paw to strike him.

At that instant the Atheist cried out to the Lord.

Time stopped, the bear froze, the forest was silent. A bright light shone upon the man, a voice came out of the sky, "You deny my existence for all of these years, teach others I don't exist, and even credit creation to a cosmic accident. Do you expect me to help you out of this predicament? Am I to count you as a believer?"

The atheist looked directly into the light, "It would be hypocritical of me to suddenly ask you to treat me as a Christian now, but perhaps could you make the BEAR a Christian?"

"Very well," said the voice.

The light went out.

The sounds of the forest resumed. And then the bear dropped his right paw, brought both paws together and bowed his head and spoke:

"Lord, bless this food, which I am about to receive through Christ our Lord, Amen."

 

[Beauty4Ashes]

A Sunday School teacher of pre-schoolers was concerned that his students might be a little confused about Jesus because of the Christmas season emphasis on His birth.

He wanted to make sure they understood that the birth of Jesus occurred a long time ago, that he grew up, etc. So he asked his class, "Where is Jesus today?"

Steven raised his hand and said, "He's in heaven." Mary was called on and answered, "He's in my heart."

Little Johnny, waving his hand furiously, blurts out - "I know! I know! He's in our bathroom!!!"

The whole class got very quiet, looked at the teacher, and waited for a response. The teacher was completely at a loss for a few very long seconds. He finally gathered his wits and asked Little Johnny how he knew this.

And Little Johnny said, "Well...every morning, my father gets up, bangs on the bathroom door, and yells - 'Jesus Christ, are you still in there!?'!"

 

[Ps28:7]

^ hilarioso
i'll have to come back later...i read one somewhere that was really great but i don't remember...i'll have to find it and post it later

 

[Willtor]

A Sunday School teacher of pre-schoolers was concerned that his students might be a little confused about Jesus because of the Christmas season emphasis on His birth.

He wanted to make sure they understood that the birth of Jesus occurred a long time ago, that he grew up, etc. So he asked his class, "Where is Jesus today?"

Steven raised his hand and said, "He's in heaven." Mary was called on and answered, "He's in my heart."

Little Johnny, waving his hand furiously, blurts out - "I know! I know! He's in our bathroom!!!"

The whole class got very quiet, looked at the teacher, and waited for a response. The teacher was completely at a loss for a few very long seconds. He finally gathered his wits and asked Little Johnny how he knew this.

And Little Johnny said, "Well...every morning, my father gets up, bangs on the bathroom door, and yells - 'Jesus Christ, are you still in there!?'!"

Alas, I can't rep you again. CF gave me this message:

 

[LOVEthroughINTELLECT]

Person A: "Why did the dog cross the road?"

Person B: "Why?"

Person A: "If I knew I would not be asking you."

 

[LOVEthroughINTELLECT]

Person A: "How do you tell a dumb joke?"

Person B: "How?"

Person A: "I don't know. I've never told one."

 

[Willtor]

ChaosChristian, asked me what Dr. Seuss's "Green Eggs and Ham" would be like if it were written by Hans Kung. I reposted it in his new Krazy Kafeteria.

 

[LOVEthroughINTELLECT]

Several years ago when I worked at a daily newspaper I at one point was the account executive responsible for all of the legal classified advertisements. Many of those ads would begin in big, bold letters with "Public Notice".

One day I typed an ad--I don't remember if it was an in-column ad or a display ad--that began "Public Notice". After typing the text and building the ad I proofread my work as I always did, I am sure. Then I faxed a copy to the office that submitted the ad.

Later I got a phone call from the woman who had submitted the ad. She was trying to keep from laughing. I heard other women laughing in the background. "I received your fax and everything looks fine", she said. "I just have one small change", she continued, still trying to keep from laughing. "Can you please put 'l' in 'Public' ", she said.

True story.

 

[Beauty4Ashes]

who made this silly thread anyway? .....ooh, never mind

 

[LOVEthroughINTELLECT]

At least somebody caught my error before it published.

I remember at least one co-worker who was not so fortunate. And unlike my error I don't think that the advertiser was amused by her error.

 

[LOVEthroughINTELLECT]

who made this silly thread anyway? .....ooh, never mind

What else would we expect from a clothing/fashion designer?

 

[sherri]

Alas, I can't rep you again. CF gave me this message:

Thats very funny

 

[Beauty4Ashes]

What else would we expect from a clothing/fashion designer?

hmmmm what to make of that....?

 

[Beauty4Ashes]

oh...i get it, that was some singles humor!.....right?

 

[LOVEthroughINTELLECT]

hmmmm what to make of that....?

oh...i get it, that was some singles humor!.....right?

You asked who made this thread. Well, don't clothing/fashion designers work with thread? Therefore, why would we not expect it from you?

Pun intended.