sexual sin bpd

[promise22]

I'm a Christian with BPD I have a boyfriend who is unsaved and despite my plea for us not to have sex until marriage we ended up having sex Friday night and on top of that it was unprotected. I just could not say no to him, not that he forced me but I didn't have the power to tell him to stop I let it happen. I don't know if I love him any more after what we did, I feel so empty inside and I feel like I really let God down. I know I should be running to God but I'm reluctant to and am afraid he may just punish me. I hate myself. I wish I were never born.

 

[Butterfly]

Hi Promise,

First of all (((hugs)))

Secondly, I can understand how you would feel that way. In some ways, the way you are feeling is normal, because it's your conscience letting you know that you did something that formerly, you were convicted of as being wrong, and you feel guilty.

With that said...we all make mistakes. That is a big one but it is not unforgivable. God doesn't hate you, and still loves you. I think the way you are feeling is punishment enough. From what I have observed, God is into natural consequences being "punishment". He is not standing up there with a big club ready to beat you up. He loves you, and wants you to learn from your mistakes. He allows you to feel the way you're feeling so that you know not to do it again. Not in a mean way, but he cares enough about you to let you make mistakes and reap the consequences of them.

If you know it was wrong and you are sorry and unsure of what to do, then run to him...he will still accept you. Tell him that you are sorry, and that you don't know what to do. He will forgive you and will remove that sin from his sight. Run to him anyway, no matter what. He is there for you.

I know you feel like you are worthless and unclean right now, but you don't need to hate yourself. You made a mistake, and you can't undo what you did, but that doesn't define who you are. If you make it again then that is another thing.

Go to God...it cannot hurt anything. He loves you and wants you to come to Him even in the bad. He is like a father. He may be disappointed in you, and yes, you let him down, but that does not change his love for you. That does not change his acceptance of you. He still loves you and calls you his daughter and wants a relationship with you.

How does your boyfriend feel about it? Is he also remorseful? If not, and if he did pressure you into it, then I would be questioning how good he is for you anyway. Especially if he is unsaved, as that is considered unequally yoked.

Please reconsider your relationship with him. It sounds like he is not respectful of you, and that's not good. I know you probably feel as though you need his love and acceptance, and that is probably why you did what you did. But I assure you that you deserve to be with someone who respects you and your desires.

 

[Messy]

I'm a Christian with BPD I have a boyfriend who is unsaved and despite my plea for us not to have sex until marriage we ended up having sex Friday night and on top of that it was unprotected. I just could not say no to him, not that he forced me but I didn't have the power to tell him to stop I let it happen. I don't know if I love him any more after what we did, I feel so empty inside and I feel like I really let God down. I know I should be running to God but I'm reluctant to and am afraid he may just punish me. I hate myself. I wish I were never born.

Yeah, I know exactly what you mean. Same problem here. You say it a million times and thinks he gets it but he doesn't and doesn't understand it's just something you can't resist on your own. I don't go to his place anymore alone.
Just turn to God, He's waiting for you and He loves you. If we confess our sins He forgives us and it's done away. God bless you.

 

[DeepWound]

I'm a Christian with BPD I have a boyfriend who is unsaved and despite my plea for us not to have sex until marriage we ended up having sex Friday night and on top of that it was unprotected. I just could not say no to him, not that he forced me but I didn't have the power to tell him to stop I let it happen. I don't know if I love him any more after what we did, I feel so empty inside and I feel like I really let God down. I know I should be running to God but I'm reluctant to and am afraid he may just punish me. I hate myself. I wish I were never born.

First things First. God loves You!!!!!! He does not turn his back on us when we make mistakes. We turn our back on him out of guilt and shame. He's reaching out to you NOW. He holds every tear you've ever cried in his hands. It's easy to turn away from God when we've done something we feel is wrong and displeasing to God but it's at these times that God is pulling you even closer to him. God doesn't waste a hurt!! If you turn to him in this time when your feeling down he will fill you up and draw you closer to him. It's when we're hurting and our heart is BROKEN OPEN that God can really minister to us and we can TRUELY feel,his presence in our lives. DONT TURN AWAY FROM HIM...RUN TOWARDS HIM...HIS ARMS ARE OPEN WAITING FOR YOU!!!

I'm a 49 year old man and I want to tell you that sex is just sex. To many people in the world today just look at it as a physical thing with no meaning to it beyond the immediate physical release. God doesn't want you to just have sex for the sake of having SEX. HE wants you to MAKE LOVE with someone that you LOVE. He wants you to have that experience that will be above and belong any MEANINGLESS sexual encounter you will ever have. Love is not a honeymoon type feeling that is here today and gone tomorrow. It is a commitment between two people that can NEVER be broken. It is knowing that your spouse is the one person that you can TRUST with anything, you don't have to hide anything from them, you put their feelings and wants and desires on par with and even greater than your own feelings and desires. If you truly LOVE someone you are hurting when they are hurting, your are happy when they are happy, you want to be with them more and more as time goes by. You would DIE for them. True Love never fades away as you get older, it grows with age. And making love with that person would be a physical expression of two souls becoming one because THEY LOVE EACH OTHER. No meaningless sexual encounter just for the sake of GETTING OFF can ever compare to that!!

Unfortunately I have never been able to experience that not even in my 18yr marriage that just ended. Before I got married I was running around having SEX and looked at it basically as a conquest. When I got married and THOUGHT I was in love it was still just SEX for me. I NEVER want to have SEX again. If God wills it and I do find true love I can't imagine what the experience will be like!!

God Bless You and Amen to you for feeling the way you do. Maybe your learning this lesson a lot earlier in life than I am.

 

[ToBeBlessed]

Maybe try prayer. Just tell Him the whole story.

 

[rich1540]

Leave him. There is absolutely no excuse for that behaviour. He is effectively a rapist and you are well within your rights to report him to the police. When will men (and women) learn that no means no.

About 30 years ago, I met a woman who told me she loathed her husband of 20 years or so because he insisted on having sex every night without fail. Her emotional pain was palpable and it was clear sbe was telling me as a.lesson.

Leave him now. He won't ever change. It is far better to remain single than be a man's doormat.

 

[dayhiker]

I'm with those that say don't make a sexual sin worse than other sins. God isn't about to punish you for this any more than He punishes everyone who tell a lie.

So go to God and tell Him you still love Him and want forgiveness so you can feel His love for you is still there.

 

[Pastor Don]

Things will never change. Men and women are not after the same things in a relationship. This is why it is VERY important to communicate what YOUR expectations are up front and make sure you stick to those guns. I am very sorry that this happened to you. Your boyfriend preyed on your need of emotional connection to get into your pants. This is has grown common-place. Boys (both actual and men who cannot see beyond themselves) have figured out the combination to the lock on many girl's virginity and sexual tendencies. It all ties into how well they play that emotional card. As long as a girl / woman feels an emotional connection with someone, she will do almost anything to keep that feeling coming. She will sacrifice almost any of her morals and standards because she is afraid of that emotion disappearing and therefore leaving her alone and empty.

The devil plays a mighty great game of deception with both genders here. The first part of this is that men seldom take the time to develop their emotional / spiritual sides. They rely on the physical nature of their feelings. What ever feels good is all that matters to them. This results in many men who are hopelessly addicted to inappropriate content, sports, television, or anything that does not include interpersonal bonding experiences with their mate, family, church, etc... Women on the other hand have a highly attuned emotional drive. They cannot turn it off in many cases. This actually pushes them into scenarios that can lead to abusive relationships, high stress and extreme image issues. The disconnect between the genders is the devil's greatest game.

It is agape love... true love to look at the person in front of you and put THEIR emotions, feelings and desires first. This is the measure of a true relationship, a relationship that is built with God as the foundation and one that will use HIS will as the measure not our own wills. If you decide to stay with the boyfriend you have, I strongly recommend that you tell him how disappointed you are in the both of you that you allowed yourself a moment of weakness and he monopolized on it. He needs to know that YOU are not happy and that YOU did not think this was cute. He also needs to own up to the irresponsibility that he played in this. If he does not, it is time for you to tell him goodbye. The man that God has in mind for you will love you for you and will respect the boundary you have placed on the physical nature of the relationship. He will work very hard to get to know YOU and will work hard to get both of you into a relationship with God as a couple.

God bless you on your journey!

Pastor Don