Sex before marriage?

[Ash002]

I don't know where else to post this, but I have quite the serious question.

My boyfriend and I have been together for a little over six years now. We have already had sex but, I'm starting to think if it is truly a sin to have sex before marriage if he is the only person I've been with and if we are going to marry each other some day. The reason why we aren't married now is because we don't live together and are not financially stable enough to move out and we do not have money to married and don't know if we ever will. What is marriage in God's eyes? Would it involve the modern day wedding or would it just involve two people who are so emotionally dedicated to one another that we have no eyes for anybody else.I am in a fight with my boyfriend at the moment or not really a fight but, a disagreement he says it's not fair that we can't have sex until marriage because, we don't have the money but I say it doesn't matter what is fair in the eyes of God if it is wrong it is wrong and I will not deliberately sin against him but, what is marriage in God's eyes? If we are each others and we have been together so long and are going to be together for years and years to come until we finally can have enough money to marry who is right? Am I wrong and misinterpreting the bible or am I right in what I believe?

 

[rickster]

You know you messed up and are looking for semantics to bail you out. It doesn't work like that.

The reason why we aren't married now is because we don't live together and are not financially stable enough to move out and we do not have money to married and don't know if we ever will.

This sentence seems worrisome. You know eloping doesn't cost much money? You can go to the courthouse, fill out a bunch of paperwork, pay some fees and get married? Granted this will likely upset your immediate family since they're missing your big day. But it is a cheaper option.

It seems like you are using this money problem to avoid getting married. Have you taken steps to get a job(better paying job) and looked into places with cheaper rent? Your lack of comment about future planning sounds like you're not even trying hard to get married.

 

[Journey.In.Grace]

Yes, it is a sin to have premarital sex regardless if you plan to marry each other or not. There are many verses describing premarital sex and adultery. Sex is meant for a man and woman in Holy Matrimony. If you need a couple of references, let me know and I will list a few verses for you. Marriage in God's eyes is your typical ceremony, where the Preacher leads and you exchange vows. You are joining each other in Holy Matrimony before God. So my answer is, yes, it is wrong in the eyes of God to have premarital sex. If your boyfriend will not respect that or still think if it's unfair, then he needs to open up his Bible. You are doing right by coming here and asking for advice, and I commend you for that.

 

[OutOfPlace_Christian]

Hi Ash002 I agree with LizzyMae and rickster and I think deep down you knew the answer all along but I understand sometimes that the spirit is willing but the flesh is weak. Bring it to the Lord in prayer. I hope everything may work out for you and your boyfriend.

 

[JojotheBeloved]

I don't know where else to post this, but I have quite the serious question.

My boyfriend and I have been together for a little over six years now. We have already had sex but, I'm starting to think if it is truly a sin to have sex before marriage if he is the only person I've been with and if we are going to marry each other some day. The reason why we aren't married now is because we don't live together and are not financially stable enough to move out and we do not have money to married and don't know if we ever will. What is marriage in God's eyes? Would it involve the modern day wedding or would it just involve two people who are so emotionally dedicated to one another that we have no eyes for anybody else.I am in a fight with my boyfriend at the moment or not really a fight but, a disagreement he says it's not fair that we can't have sex until marriage because, we don't have the money but I say it doesn't matter what is fair in the eyes of God if it is wrong it is wrong and I will not deliberately sin against him but, what is marriage in God's eyes? If we are each others and we have been together so long and are going to be together for years and years to come until we finally can have enough money to marry who is right? Am I wrong and misinterpreting the bible or am I right in what I believe?

Hello. In the interest of being practically helpful, I will let you know my thoughts. If it's not helpful, that's fine. But I hope that it is.

What you asked/described makes me wonder if you two are putting money in a place of priority where it doesn't belong. Money by itself is worthless and you can't take it with you when you die. It is only as useful as what other things it can get you, in this case maybe a wedding (or at least a marriage license), and in my experience if you announce you're engaged loved ones are usually more than happy to pitch in to help you cover the costs. A marriage is a happy occasion that tends to bring communities together, and most people understand that young couples can't afford much on their own. There are also less expensive ways to get married than to have a big fancy traditional wedding. Some couples elope, some couples invite close family members and a friend or two to witness their marriage ceremony at the county courthouse, some couples get married outside - on friends' property, or a county/community/national park. Some people just get an officiant and a photographer and two witnesses and have a private ceremony in the woods. For my wedding, I hand made a lot of our decorations, I bought a wedding dress from a sample sale, and food was very simple with snacks and we got married at our home church. My point is there are lots of ways to cut costs down and still have a good experience.

However or whenever you decide to tie the knot though, it is a commitment which I feel is important enough to formalize in some way and which includes a sense of acknowledgement within your community and your family. Just avoiding the formal commitment due to money, is in my opinion, putting priorities in the wrong place. Especially if it's just a way to excuse the sexual act. There are so much more and better reasons to be married and although sex is part of marriage, it's not the whole picture. And to have sex without marriage is to miss out on a lot of that whole picture also. My husband was not a virgin when we got married. He told me that he regretted his past behavior, because to him sex is a promise of forever and without the marriage commitment to match that action, you're breaking your promise. It's not honorable to break promises, even if you intended better in the future. Marriage is a choice, not just to live together or to have sex or to have kids even. Marriage is a choice to put the other person first for the rest of that person's life or your life. It's a choice to go beyond any other relationship commitment and to say you want to be together no matter what. It's so much more important than money.

So in short, in my opinion, if you're putting money as a higher priority than the marriage step in your relationship... than you're not ready for that step. And if you're not ready for that step, than you shouldn't be making that promise through sex. Marriage takes everything you have and money can't be the highest priority. The relationship needs to be the highest priority. Waiting to get married because of money makes money a bigger priority than marriage. Within reason... it does take time to plan a wedding (if you go that route), but without a definite plan and just waiting for some future time when money and everything works out just right... that's not realistic. That's not how life works. And that's putting your priorities in the wrong order.

 

[ev-8891]

I don't know where else to post this, but I have quite the serious question.

My boyfriend and I have been together for a little over six years now. We have already had sex but, I'm starting to think if it is truly a sin to have sex before marriage if he is the only person I've been with and if we are going to marry each other some day. The reason why we aren't married now is because we don't live together and are not financially stable enough to move out and we do not have money to married and don't know if we ever will. What is marriage in God's eyes? Would it involve the modern day wedding or would it just involve two people who are so emotionally dedicated to one another that we have no eyes for anybody else.I am in a fight with my boyfriend at the moment or not really a fight but, a disagreement he says it's not fair that we can't have sex until marriage because, we don't have the money but I say it doesn't matter what is fair in the eyes of God if it is wrong it is wrong and I will not deliberately sin against him but, what is marriage in God's eyes? If we are each others and we have been together so long and are going to be together for years and years to come until we finally can have enough money to marry who is right? Am I wrong and misinterpreting the bible or am I right in what I believe?

Based on these verses:
1 Corinthians 7:2
1 Thessalonians 4:3
Galatians 5:19

I would say, yes sex before marriage is sin. I do agree that wedding costs something and that marriage paperwork has a lower priority. The more important question is: are you *really ready* to marry him and give a commitment for your marriage? Or do you use the reason "don't live together and are not financially stable enough" as an excuse not to marry?

 

[Honesty-SJ]

There is reconciliation with such things, (Exodus 22:16) “If a man seduces a virgin who is not pledged to be married and sleeps with her, he must pay the bride-price, and she shall be his wife" BUT this obviously does not permit you to just continue to fornicate and go against what the Lord says.

Clearly, love making is something we should enjoy, (Proverbs 5:18) May your fountain be blessed, and may you rejoice in the WIFE of your youth, (Proverbs 5:19) A loving doe, a graceful deer— may her breasts satisfy you always, may you ever be intoxicated with her love. Obviously in the right context, which can only be marriage.
I would definitely suggest asking for forgiveness, understanding that you have disappointed God and do not let your boyfriend talk you into laying with him if he has no intention to put himself out there to put a ring on your hand in order to betroth so to speak.

However, you should be set to marry him as soon as possible. He has laid with you and you with him.
My husband and I paid approximately $2,000 for our wedding; rings, suit, the hall we rented, the papers, etc. It is not that expensive and giving your hand to him in marriage to honor God is worth more than any money we could ever spend. It's a sad reality that this seems to be a consistent issue.

My husband and I met almost 3 years ago now and neither of us were working. We were on social assistance for quite some time while he went from job to job because they were either temporary or he would get laid off. Now he works full time and it annoys me greatly. I wish I could go back to the days when he was always home.

I wish you the best of luck and I hope you and your boyfriend can figure all this out. Coming from experience, it's amazing to be able to call your man your husband and not your boyfriend. I can't recall ever calling my husband my boyfriend. I referred to him as my fiance but everyone has their own thing.

May God Bless you and your future spouse.

 

[Sir Robbins]

I do not agree with the government being in my life more than it already is. You don't need a wedding or licensing to be married unless you want it legally official. There does, however, need to be a point where the two of you come together and agree to be married, ect. People get so caught up in the financials, political and worldly ways they miss the point. Weddings are more emphasized today than marriage itself. It isn't necessary at all.