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Separated but living in the same house?

Discussion in 'Divorced Members' started by onewiththeLord, Mar 19, 2008.

  1. onewiththeLord

    onewiththeLord Junior Member

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    Is it possible to be separated from someone but live in the same house as the person? My husband will not leave our home and I have expressed to him that I don't want him here. Has anyone experienced this?
     
  2. HuntingMan

    HuntingMan New Member

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    Never been thru that particular problem.

    Are you worried about the legalities of it? ...if its 'sin' ?

    Unless there is some legal issue you are concerned with, dont sweat it as far as scripture goes. God knows we have laws that we do have to deal with and if those laws arent in direct conflict with scripture, then even if they are inconvenient or put us into an odd situation Gods not going to be too bent out of shape over it.

    Legally tho, Im not sure what each state says.
    Are you legally separated or just have an agreement between yourselves?

    Sorry....just hard to say much without more detail :)
     
  3. onewiththeLord

    onewiththeLord Junior Member

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    It would not be legal but an agreement among each other until our financial situation changes.
     
  4. HuntingMan

    HuntingMan New Member

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    Thats very interesting.
    If this is accurate it would actually restore some of my long abandoned faith/hope in the system.
    I figured they were charging a few hundred bucks for 'legal separations' ...just another way to make a buck off human misery.
     
  5. SearcherKris

    SearcherKris Regular Member

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    Have you seen the movie, "War of the Roses"? YIKES! This is what they did. They were divorcing, but neither wanted to leave the house, and they decided who could have which rooms. I think they shared the Kitchen. It ended badly, simply because they would not stop fighting. This is an extreme scenario, but your post made me think of it.


    What I have experienced was before I left my husband this last time, for weeks, maybe a month or more, we hardly ever slept in the same room. I would go to be in the children's room when he was home at night. On the nights he was not at home, the children and I would sleep in the bed that belonged to my husband and me. We stoped having sex about two months before I left him. When we spoke, we were purposefully polite, too polite, or we were fighting.

    I did not want to be with him the way he was, and he knew it. He would not do anything to work on it with me, and when he slapped our son in the face, that was it. The children and I moved in with my mother.

    I really hope you can find a solution that the two of you could live with, until you are able to move on or he leaves.

    I want to warn you that in some places it is considered domestic violence if you are fighting over who has to leave and who gets to stay. Here in TX a friend's daughter called the police because her husband would not leave, and he kept screaming at her. She would not leave either, because she thought he should have to leave the house. The police told them that either one of them had to go, or they both would be arrested and charged with domestic violence, and the children would be taken into custody by child protection. Her husband would not back down, so she ended up leaving and taking the kids to keep from going to jail and loosing them.
     
  6. HuntingMan

    HuntingMan New Member

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    Oh...I see.
    Thanks...I never took this step so I had no clue how it worked.
    Im glad to see that money doenst actually have to be paid out.
     
  7. kanga22

    kanga22 Senior Member

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    Argh, I just posted and it didn't work and got deleted. Praise God in all things, praise God in all things, praise God in all things. Okay, I'm better now.

    Anyway, the gist of it: I'm sorry that you are dealing with this, here's my story... He was "done" Oct.06, he had physical affair Jan.'07, we became "roommates" with separate bedrooms spring '07.

    I'm planning to move and find full-time work in the next couple of months. When I've become financially independent I will file for divorce.

    Questions for anyone reading this post:
    1. Can we write our own separation agreement without a lawyer?
    2. Are there "official" papers somewhere (online or library perhaps) that we can fill out for the separation that would make it worthy of filing with court?
    3. One reason I haven't filed yet is because I believe I should move to my new state BEFORE filing anything. This way I won't get stuck where I am just because the courts are involved (and there are children involved). Your thoughts on this? Does it apply to filing separation papers as well?

    Any thoughts would be helpful to me, and hopefully to onewiththeLord also. :)
     
  8. SearcherKris

    SearcherKris Regular Member

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    Kanga this will depend on the divorce laws of your state.

    In TX there is no legal separation. You are either married, filed for divorce, or divorced.

    If you file for divorce, you can get tempory orders, which kind of works like legal separation, only it is hsa to end in divorce. This is to legally protect a spouse and children during the divorce process, escpecially it is going to take awhile for the two parties to battle it out. If it does not eventually lead to divorce, it will expire, and all the court orders for tempory support will be droped. You would have to re-file for divorce.
     
  9. SearcherKris

    SearcherKris Regular Member

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    Kanga this will depend on the divorce laws of your state.

    In TX there is no legal separation. You are either married, filed for divorce, or divorced.

    If you file for divorce, you can get tempory orders, which kind of works like legal separation, only it is has to end in divorce. This is to legally protect a spouse and children during the divorce process, escpecially it is going to take awhile for the two parties to battle it out. If it does not eventually lead to divorce, it will expire, and all the court orders for tempory support will be droped. You would have to re-file for divorce.
     
  10. EZoolander

    EZoolander Regular Member

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    Well, I don't have *much* experience in "legal separations" (the one time it was an issue in my life - I skipped straight to divorce...lol) - but yeah - my understanding is that "legal separation" really doesn't mean all that much. Pretty much all it means is that you are declaring yourself *financially separate* from that person until divorce can be obtained.

    Usually it entails things that were fore-mentioned like getting your own bank account separate from your spouse - and doing whatever else is legally required to start getting financial distance/separation from them. Even so - you're still married until you actually get that divorce taken care of.
     
  11. EZoolander

    EZoolander Regular Member

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  12. OnTheWay

    OnTheWay New Member

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    You should finalize your divorce before leaving the state. Otherwise a family court can, and very well may, decide you didn't have a vaild reason to leave the area and will order you to move the children back to within a reasonable distance for their father's visitation rights.
     
  13. kanga22

    kanga22 Senior Member

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    Great advice and ideas. Thanks. :) In my particular case I'll be moving to the state where my stbx spends most of his time so he CAN see his kids more. But, for most ppl the points made here make good sense. Hope the thoughts here are helpful to you too, onewiththeLord. :D God Bless.
     
  14. ShainaBrina

    ShainaBrina The joy of the Lord is my strength

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    It is possible to have a separation agreement drawn up on your own.
    I considered that, but then decided to go with a lawyer anyway.

    My estranged husband and I agreed on the terms and I presented that to the lawyer who, will write it up and then we will sign it. Hopefully the estranged one will get his own lawyer and that will help make the deal unbreakable.

    Which is the point of paying the lawyer $500 bucks (Canadian) to draw it up. There is a greater possibility that one person or the other go back and try to break the contract if there are no lawyers involved.

    Once there is a Separation Agreement made (all nice and legal like) I will be able to file for divorce on my own, through the court without a lawyer, at anytime as all the division of property and custody/support issues have been settled.

    I found that this is the cheapest way to proceed.

    If you have a Marriage Contract/Domestic Agreement or a Prenuptial Agreement... that is basically the same thing as a Separation Agreement. Most of us, were not practical enough to get one made up though. (I did try, mind you)
     
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