Seeking Encouragement

[Light of the East]

Dear Brothers and Sisters:

Well, glory to God, tomorrow will be my chrismation anniversary.

However . . .

I am still struggling with a really BAD marriage. I have been hanging in there, trying to see that this marriage is for the purpose of our Lord teaching me things like patience and loving those who despitefully use me. What is happening is that I keep losing my temper and saying some awful stuff under my breath when she annoys (this is a mild adjective for it) the snot out of me.

After I have done such stuff, I find myself wondering if I should even bother with Morning Prayers, Evening Prayers, etc., other than doing the Canon of Repentance and begging God to continue to forgive my sorry self. Truth be told, I despise this woman, and if it weren't for the sense that this marriage is A.) a penance for my first marriage, in which "I" was the selfish and despicable lout, and B.) a school of patience and love from God, I would have been long gone a long time ago.

Anyway, why should I even bother with prayer if God does not hear the prayers of such wicked persons?

AND

Your prayers for my spiritual growth and the Holy Spirit to in some way heal me of this anger and bad responses I have will be greatly appreciated.

Seeing my own sins so clearly really disabuses me of any thought that I am a good Christian and makes me struggle with the idea of Christ loving me in such a condition.

 

[ArseniusTheSilent]

Prayer changes me, not necessarily the situation.

You have my sympathies and prayers but please try and keep praying regularly. Spiritual dryness is never easy but it doesn't mean that God stopped listening.

 

[ArmyMatt]

Anyway, why should I even bother with prayer if God does not hear the prayers of such wicked persons?

just because He doesn’t answer us when we want or how we want doesn’t mean He isn’t listening or answering.

 

[E.C.]

Anyway, why should I even bother with prayer if God does not hear the prayers of such wicked persons?

All I will say is this: God is so merciful that had Judas asked for forgiveness God would have forgiven him.

 

[ArmyMatt]

All I will say is this: God is so merciful that had Judas asked for forgiveness God would have forgiven him.

yep, that was the reason He asked if Judas would betray Him with a kiss, to give one last shot at repentance.

 

[Light of the East]

Prayer changes me, not necessarily the situation.

You have my sympathies and prayers but please try and keep praying regularly. Spiritual dryness is never easy but it doesn't mean that God stopped listening.

Yeah. That's just another temptation from the devil to give up and quit.

I am blessed to have great support from my parish for prayer. We actually have a ZOOM prayer every morning in which we do the 3rd and 6th hours at 7:15 in the morning (y'all welcome to join us!). Plus all the weekday prayers, feasts, Vespers twice a week, and Orthros on Sunday.

It is a rich banquet of prayers from which I can feast and help my poor soul.

 

[ArmyMatt]

I am blessed to have great support from my parish for prayer. We actually have a ZOOM prayer every morning in which we do the 3rd and 6th hours at 7:15 in the morning (y'all welcome to join us!). Plus all the weekday prayers, feasts, Vespers twice a week, and Orthros on Sunday.

praise God!

Yeah. That's just another temptation from the devil to give up and quit.

yep.

 

[rusmeister]

Hi, LOE,
I apologize for taking so long to say anything. I’ve been going through a lot of stuff of my own.
I don’t know where your situation is now. I hope you’re holding it together.

It’s a bad situation. It’s a cross to carry. You can refuse to carry it, of course, but we know what we are called to do.

That said, the only way out is love. Doing the hard work of loving a person who is nasty to you, when you don’t feel like it at all. Rebuking your own despite for her, and working to see the good in her. Crushing every negative comment before it escapes your lips. Praising or thanking any and every good little thing that she does. Working to see and anticipates her needs and even desires, and being - yourself - the kind of person you want her to become.

You think YOU’RE the chief of sinners. Sheesh. You ought to see me in all my ugliness. That is an easy game to play. People like us are more susceptible to despair than to presumption, the equal and opposite sins. Keep praying. If you’ve blown off your prayer rule, say prayers and just talk to God on the go. And try to stop and listen sometimes.

My own marriage has been a struggle, going on 32 years now. There have been a few nightmarish confrontations, the freshest is less than a year old. And I don’t mean merely “bad”. Being called “a homophobe” was the “nicest” part of it. I can’t even talk about the rest. To anybody.

But we manage to forgive, and to love. I’m luckier than you, because my wife also understands the need for forgiveness. But it’s still a struggle at times. The end result, though, is that I have a good marriage in spite of the horrible things, being married to the kind of liberal whose ideas I can challenge here but not with her. It’s good, there’s love, we find those nice, gooey feelings sometimes. It’s possible to do. But it requires the kind of work I described above, on a permanent basis. And there’s no guarantee that your wife will warm up to it.

But it is REALLY hard to hate someone who is determined to love you without resentment, who always does the acts love requires without demanding a cost or payback, or making her feel like you are doing it through gritted teeth. That constant work makes possible the kind of sparks we all desire. Not guaranteed, but possible, and most often, even probable.

God bless!