question about women who want endless sex

[lutherangerman]

Ok, I am sure there are others like this with this problem.

My girl has a *huge* libido. I enjoy it, really, and I love sex. But somehow I feel like she sees sex as the main expression of our love, and that is my problem now. The thing is that I can only really enjoy sex if I also get enough soul and heart love. I am just made like that and can't help it, my mom is the same way.

I am also very very romantic, love cuddling in the dark with candles and such. Like I said, I really enjoy sex too, my libido is rather high as well and I can go along with having sex almost every day. Also, my girlfriend IS turning me on, so that's not a problem.

But I have trouble in this wave of sex to maintain romantic love. I am reminded to Paul who said sometimes couples should not have sex in order to concentrate on prayer. I know that God wants me and my girl to be one, and that sex is a means to that end. But somehow so far I am unable to communicate that to my girl, that sex is no end in itself but simply has its good place in a bigger scheme of things. It is good and wonderful ... but it's not the biggest thing in life.

My girl is a model and in the past she lived very differently than I, with lot's of money and society friends and all. I fear I could loose her if I can't accommodate her. In the same time she is gentle and kind and loves quiet family life. I am really into her big time. She is just the right girl for me, I am not meaning to critique her.

But I would like to enrich our relationship with more things than just good sex. For example, I love poetry, philosophy and theology, but she is not very interested in books and intellectual discussions and all. I am writing her emails about such things and she just responds with another fantasy. Maybe it's because she's young .... I am 32 and she's 23. But she is very mature in other areas of life.

I feel like I should start to assert myself a little as the man in the relationship, but I'm not experienced in that. I don't want her to think I am ordering her around. In her past relationships she didn't have good men, they were always just interested in her body. She kind of sacrificed herself and let her guys have affairs and flings with other girls. And now she even wants me to be free to have such things myself, while she waits for me at home. I find that idea horrible but so far she is resistant to my attempts of changing her mind. She comes from India where girls and women aren't esteemed well, where men command and girls obey. I don't want that for my girl, she shall have my love always.

I could really need some advice. I love my baby but I need her to understand these things or I am afraid our relationship would fail eventually.

Thank you and God bless!

 

[BigDaddy4]

As a guy, I would love it if my wife had that kind of libido. Honestly, I don't know how much help you'll find around here. First off, you are posting in the married couples section. By your admission, you are not married. Secondly, most posters in this section are Christian, so you are going against what the Bible says regarding sex before marriage.

I would only give you advice on repenting of your sin and turning away from it, but that may not be what you want to hear. You paraphrase the Apostle Paul, but ignore the 7th Commandment of God "Thou shalt not commit adultery". I, in good conscience, could not give you advice to the contrary. Maybe someone else can though...

 

[janman345]

As I say to the women on here, it is the same with men. You should take care of your woman, what ever she wants how ever often she wants it as long as she is taking care of you how ever you want it. Its not fair to her if your making her go without. As far as other aspects of the relationship you should not be affeminate, you do need to be a man. The fact that she used to be a model could present some issues with being prideful and possibly dramatic/gossip/etc. Not to say models cant be christians but I have to play devils advocate there. If the only issue is she wants alot of sex and she is trust worthy and you get along great and she is not out clubin every weekend then I say give it to her.

 

[dallasapple]

All I can say is dont get married..(not keep having sex unwed thats two different things)..

Or accept her for who she is and she will never be that "into you " other than sex ..Which sounds like if you are already unhappy with that it wont change after marriage..

Love

Dallas

 

[BeanMak]

But I would like to enrich our relationship with more things than just good sex. For example, I love poetry, philosophy and theology, but she is not very interested in books and intellectual discussions and all. I am writing her emails about such things and she just responds with another fantasy. Maybe it's because she's young .... I am 32 and she's 23

In 10 years, she will be as mature as a 33 year old. :::shrug:::
At this point, she is into things that amuse a 23 year old... go figure.

 

[lutherangerman]

Hey dudes, I am not fornicating with her. We are just engaged and don't have sex yet, we just talk about it a lot and sometimes fantasize with each other. I don't have a theological problem with that, it's clean fun. And again, I do enjoy it. But I am reminded to what Paul said, that we should court our women without greedy lust like the pagans want it. I find some lust is normal in such circumstances, and that's what the fantasies are for. I have no problem with that. I am just sad that we are so down with each other in many things and yet I can't interest my girl for the things that interest me. I haven't encountered something like this in life yet. I just want our relationships to stand on more than on the leg of sex. I desire her a lot and she desires me a lot, and that's how it should be, but there should be more. I want to romance my girl as well and that's not an issue of effeminacy. I am a man and in fact my girl makes me feel like a man. And I really love that. The main issue is, in her past life she was seen as a sexual object by her guys and didn't know what a relationship with faithfulness and romantic love can be like. I want to make things really nice and lovely for my future wife. Basically, I don't know how to make her stop the fantasies for at least a while so that we can discuss other things too. That's my issue, dudes.

God bless!

 

[xDenax]

But I would like to enrich our relationship with more things than just good sex. For example, I love poetry, philosophy and theology, but she is not very interested in books and intellectual discussions and all.

That could be a problem down the line. I could see where one could tire of being in a relationship with someone who won't converse with them on an intellectual level.

In her past relationships she didn't have good men, they were always just interested in her body. She kind of sacrificed herself and let her guys have affairs and flings with other girls. And now she even wants me to be free to have such things myself, while she waits for me at home. I find that idea horrible but so far she is resistant to my attempts of changing her mind.

It sounds like she has some insecurity which could be why she can't seem to relate in non-sexual ways. She simply doesn't know any better.

I am not going to say this is the case in your situation but sometimes when one partner encourages the other to go out and sleep with other people it's because they want to sleep with other people too (or they are already). That is a HUGE red flat that something is wrong and needs to be addressed.

Now, given that you two aren't married I don't think you owe her sex. If that is all she wants then drop her.

 

[chingchang]

Ok, I am sure there are others like this with this problem.

My girl has a *huge* libido. I enjoy it, really, and I love sex. But somehow I feel like she sees sex as the main expression of our love, and that is my problem now. The thing is that I can only really enjoy sex if I also get enough soul and heart love. I am just made like that and can't help it, my mom is the same way.

I am also very very romantic, love cuddling in the dark with candles and such. Like I said, I really enjoy sex too, my libido is rather high as well and I can go along with having sex almost every day. Also, my girlfriend IS turning me on, so that's not a problem.

But I have trouble in this wave of sex to maintain romantic love. I am reminded to Paul who said sometimes couples should not have sex in order to concentrate on prayer. I know that God wants me and my girl to be one, and that sex is a means to that end. But somehow so far I am unable to communicate that to my girl, that sex is no end in itself but simply has its good place in a bigger scheme of things. It is good and wonderful ... but it's not the biggest thing in life.

My girl is a model and in the past she lived very differently than I, with lot's of money and society friends and all. I fear I could loose her if I can't accommodate her. In the same time she is gentle and kind and loves quiet family life. I am really into her big time. She is just the right girl for me, I am not meaning to critique her.

But I would like to enrich our relationship with more things than just good sex. For example, I love poetry, philosophy and theology, but she is not very interested in books and intellectual discussions and all. I am writing her emails about such things and she just responds with another fantasy. Maybe it's because she's young .... I am 32 and she's 23. But she is very mature in other areas of life.

I feel like I should start to assert myself a little as the man in the relationship, but I'm not experienced in that. I don't want her to think I am ordering her around. In her past relationships she didn't have good men, they were always just interested in her body. She kind of sacrificed herself and let her guys have affairs and flings with other girls. And now she even wants me to be free to have such things myself, while she waits for me at home. I find that idea horrible but so far she is resistant to my attempts of changing her mind. She comes from India where girls and women aren't esteemed well, where men command and girls obey. I don't want that for my girl, she shall have my love always.

I could really need some advice. I love my baby but I need her to understand these things or I am afraid our relationship would fail eventually.

Thank you and God bless!

Sounds like you have a sexually adventurous and confident lady...who is 10 years younger than you? Geesh...kinda hard to feel sorry for you. But seriously...Paul did not say you SHOULD stop having sex to concentrate on prayer. Here's what he said:

1 Cor 7:5
Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.

Seems like he's saying the ONLY appropriate time to deny each other (sexually) is for prayer.

CC

 

[Lena75]

My girl has a *huge* libido. I enjoy it, really, and I love sex. But somehow I feel like she sees sex as the main expression of our love, and that is my problem now. The thing is that I can only really enjoy sex if I also get enough soul and heart love.

First you sound like you're having sex outside of marriage. And then....

Hey dudes, I am not fornicating with her. We are just engaged and don't have sex yet

You're suddenly not? She's 23, a model, used to high maintenance lifestyle, has had other men. You decide. Can YOU marry her? She gives great sex! Sure, until she learns that she has to settle down with married life and all that comes with it. I dunno, you're already saying you want more than sex and you're not even married yet. What does she want? IS she ready to settle down to a solid marriage? Sex is great and all, but it's not what marriage is ALL about.

Sounds like red flags to me.

 

[Some Other Guy]

Ok, I am sure there are others like this with this problem.

My girl has a *huge* libido. I enjoy it, really, and I love sex. But somehow I feel like she sees sex as the main expression of our love, and that is my problem now. The thing is that I can only really enjoy sex if I also get enough soul and heart love. I am just made like that and can't help it, my mom is the same way.

I am also very very romantic, love cuddling in the dark with candles and such. Like I said, I really enjoy sex too, my libido is rather high as well and I can go along with having sex almost every day. Also, my girlfriend IS turning me on, so that's not a problem.

But I have trouble in this wave of sex to maintain romantic love. I am reminded to Paul who said sometimes couples should not have sex in order to concentrate on prayer. I know that God wants me and my girl to be one, and that sex is a means to that end. But somehow so far I am unable to communicate that to my girl, that sex is no end in itself but simply has its good place in a bigger scheme of things. It is good and wonderful ... but it's not the biggest thing in life.

My girl is a model and in the past she lived very differently than I, with lot's of money and society friends and all. I fear I could loose her if I can't accommodate her. In the same time she is gentle and kind and loves quiet family life. I am really into her big time. She is just the right girl for me, I am not meaning to critique her.

But I would like to enrich our relationship with more things than just good sex. For example, I love poetry, philosophy and theology, but she is not very interested in books and intellectual discussions and all. I am writing her emails about such things and she just responds with another fantasy. Maybe it's because she's young .... I am 32 and she's 23. But she is very mature in other areas of life.

I feel like I should start to assert myself a little as the man in the relationship, but I'm not experienced in that. I don't want her to think I am ordering her around. In her past relationships she didn't have good men, they were always just interested in her body. She kind of sacrificed herself and let her guys have affairs and flings with other girls. And now she even wants me to be free to have such things myself, while she waits for me at home. I find that idea horrible but so far she is resistant to my attempts of changing her mind. She comes from India where girls and women aren't esteemed well, where men command and girls obey. I don't want that for my girl, she shall have my love always.

I could really need some advice. I love my baby but I need her to understand these things or I am afraid our relationship would fail eventually.

Unfortunately, you have a Christian icon, so ChristianForums' rules don't allow me to state what the Bible says about somebody in your position, but my first advice would be that you repent and seperate from her.

 

[lutherangerman]

I dunno, we're only courting.

It's like this, we met online and chatted. At first we didn't hit off and just sought someone who would be interesting to talk to and to chat with about life and its issues. There's when I noticed she is so sweet and kind ... my dad passed away in that time and she consoled me and even cried for him. A week later or so we came to swap pictures. That's when I fell in love with her. I told her and she felt the same. That's when the fantasies began. She wants to have a passionate guy. I like to be passionate, and I am passionate, but not only with the love things but also with religious and intellectual and art things. I am an amateur poet, for example. If I have a girl I want to connect to her in these things too. But since we met my girl only speaks about sex. And sometimes family, which she also loves. I've followed along for a few days now but it's kind of wearing me out. It's neither here nor there. I love sex, but fantasizing around doesn't give me much. It only makes me desire her a lot but there is no satisfaction. I want to write her letters and romance her really good, and help her in the faith as a guide. One thing she told me and which I really liked was that she feels feminine when I am with her. That I really bring out the woman in her. She is only trying to give me what she thinks EVERY man wants. But I am not EVERY man. I had a relationship before which started like this, and it turned really bad. Lust doesn't really avail much ... while love always builds something that lasts. So what I want is to build our love first before we get into the steamy bathtub of sex. And so I think I made a mistake when I asked her for pictures and immediately told her that I had fallen in love with her. But I don't know how to row back. I am praying for her and for us, and what I get from God is that He gave me this girl, that she and me are really meant to be together. I already feel so familiar with her, as if I have known her for years. I don't know how this happened. I wanted advice not "red flags" or "geesh its hard to feel sorry for you". That's primitive. Sex really isn't everything and we shall love our wifes like Jesus loved the church. Sex is like an underlying hot rhythm in a relationship, but love is the wonderful melody, the harmony. And to be blunt, I have issues with sexuality if I don't feel that love. I don't enjoy it much then and I become introverted and set myself apart. I need to find a way to have her concentrate on me in love, not lust. Then everything would be fine.

 

[ImperialPhantom]

The thing is that I can only really enjoy sex if I also get enough soul and heart love. I am just made like that and can't help it, my mom is the same way.

Call me prude, but I do NOT wanna know how you got to that conclusion.

But with regards to her, have you talked to her about this stuff? have you shared what's on your heart with her? Because if not, that's where you need to go next.

 

[lutherangerman]

I'm sorry, but you all sound pretty weird on this issue. As if you all have lot's of repressed desires and would love to choose lust over love whenever you can. Really, my 72 year old mom is wiser than all of you. It's like you don't know a thing about life, as if you live on the moon somewhere. I sought advice but I'm not gonna get it here, that much is sure. Goodbye and Christ bless you with more understanding!

 

[NachoND]

Tell her how you feel.

You can't keep how you feel from her and expect the relationship to work.

Sit down with her and have a serious talk about everything and let her know were you stand.

Once it is all on the table then you both can decide if you should continue with the relationship.

 

[visionary]

Have a serious talk with her. You might be the only male that she has come in contact with that has not justed wanted sex from her. If you are, then she needs to be re-assured that you are serious about her, and want to get into her other parts of her heart. She would love to know that you want to get to know her on a more deeper level than what she has had in the past. Explain to her that in order to do so, there must be a decrease in the sexual relationship while the exploration of each other's souls are explore. Not that you have a decreased desire for her, but actually an increased desire to "know" her better.

 

[BigDaddy4]

I'm sorry, but you all sound pretty weird on this issue. As if you all have lot's of repressed desires and would love to choose lust over love whenever you can. Really, my 72 year old mom is wiser than all of you. It's like you don't know a thing about life, as if you live on the moon somewhere. I sought advice but I'm not gonna get it here, that much is sure. Goodbye and Christ bless you with more understanding!

Forgive me for not understanding your situation. You made it sound like you and your gf (or fiance? can't tell) were already having sex. I was not the only one who had that impression.

Others have given you good advice, perhaps what you don't want to hear. I believe you need to sit down with her and have a heart to heart with her. You need to develop health interests outside of sex, both individually and as a couple. Most of all, you need to build your marital foundation on Jesus Christ. If you feel she is truly the one that God has provided for you, then I recommend premarital counseling for the both of you. As others have said, there are several red flags from what you have posted. They need to be addressed before getting too serious or else they will just festor and cause strife further on down the road.

God Bless...

 

[xDenax]

Hey dudes, I am not fornicating with her. We are just engaged and don't have sex yet, we just talk about it a lot and sometimes fantasize with each other.

You completely misrepresented your OP. This post was pointless as you don't even know if the problem you've mention is really a problem. I'm not sure what sort of answers you wanted.

 

[Johnnz]

Insecurity can push a person into sex for affirmation and closeness. Different intellectual interests can become an issue later, but not necessarily provided each has other good complementary attributes.

John
NZ

 

[Redguard]

I dunno, we're only courting.

 

[Lena75]

Well, now I'm confused. Again. We're all weird, don't know anything about life like your mama does? I'm sorry. I'm still learning about life myself.

But I hope you really do have a good sit-down with your girlfriend/fiance (?) and talk things over and maybe even go to your church for some premarital counselling.