Question about salvation and Blasphemy of the Holy Spirit

[strugglingsoul89]

Friends, I write this to you with a heavy laden heart. I come to you all completely humble, contrite, and broken. I stand before you all as a man who has continually lost battles with habitual sin - i.e. sexual immortality with online sins, touching yourself, etc. I've been married for 10 years and yet for the past 2 plus years is when I really startled to struggle with habitual sin as state above. Time and time again, I would feel conviction from the Spirit but there were times were I would struggle and give in and then times where I was mostly giving in. Over the course of time, I could feel the convictions get less and less. I stopped completely 7 months ago albeit, now I'm experiencing health issues, mental health issues, struggles with suicide, lack of peace, feelings of depression, sadness, sorrow, hurt, pain, etc. I have wept before the Lord for the duration of this time. Returning to Him with all my heart and soul. Reading the Word again daily, trying to talk to Him in prayer, going to church, etc. However, I feel like no matter what I do I'm having such a hard time reconnecting to Him. I feel like I'll never have that closeness with Him ever again and it tears at my soul. Am I reprobate?Rejected? Am I like Esau? I recently learned verses in Hebrews I've never really known before about being impossible for renewal and deliberate sins. I never really knew those verses before and now that I see them I feel like that's indeed me. Friends, is there hope for me or did I cross that line? I've been told if I committed the unpardonable sin I wouldn't even be here posting something like this nor would I even care about a relationship with God at this point. I don't know what to do I'm so desperate for Him I hope it's not too late.

 

[Unqualified]

Keep repenting and go on. Keep struggling with sin. This shows God that you care. Keep reading and going to church. Even if you quit sinning for two weeks it is a victory! But if you want the feeling of Gods presence it may be slow in coming but will return. Draw near to God and He will draw near to you repesteely. Your hands are dirty but He is trying to sanctify you. Blasphemy of the spirit only happens if you die in unbelief.

 

[sandman]

Friends, I write this to you with a heavy laden heart. I come to you all completely humble, contrite, and broken. I stand before you all as a man who has continually lost battles with habitual sin - i.e. sexual immortality with online sins, touching yourself, etc. I've been married for 10 years and yet for the past 2 plus years is when I really startled to struggle with habitual sin as state above. Time and time again, I would feel conviction from the Spirit but there were times were I would struggle and give in and then times where I was mostly giving in. Over the course of time, I could feel the convictions get less and less. I stopped completely 7 months ago albeit, now I'm experiencing health issues, mental health issues, struggles with suicide, lack of peace, feelings of depression, sadness, sorrow, hurt, pain, etc. I have wept before the Lord for the duration of this time. Returning to Him with all my heart and soul. Reading the Word again daily, trying to talk to Him in prayer, going to church, etc. However, I feel like no matter what I do I'm having such a hard time reconnecting to Him. I feel like I'll never have that closeness with Him ever again and it tears at my soul. Am I reprobate?Rejected? Am I like Esau? I recently learned verses in Hebrews I've never really known before about being impossible for renewal and deliberate sins. I never really knew those verses before and now that I see them I feel like that's indeed me. Friends, is there hope for me or did I cross that line? I've been told if I committed the unpardonable sin I wouldn't even be here posting something like this nor would I even care about a relationship with God at this point. I don't know what to do I'm so desperate for Him I hope it's not too late.

I know which verses you are referring to in Hebrews which was not written directly to the church of God it was written to the Christian Jews of the dispersion, “the twelve tribes scattered abroad”. and those verses mean the opposite of what you are thinking.
You are caught in the snare of your own condemnation in your mind ….NOT from God.

If you want to get out of your slump ….If you want to hear from God ….if you want to feel alive ……..Go Witness the Word of God… When you go forward with the intent of witnessing God will be speaking to you…. The results don’t matter that is Gods department.
. Talk to Him ask him who you should speak to …. There is no quicker way to jumpstart your life then going out with the intent …and witnessing

 

[Brihaha]

Friends, I write this to you with a heavy laden heart. I come to you all completely humble, contrite, and broken. I stand before you all as a man who has continually lost battles with habitual sin - i.e. sexual immortality with online sins, touching yourself, etc. I've been married for 10 years and yet for the past 2 plus years is when I really startled to struggle with habitual sin as state above. Time and time again, I would feel conviction from the Spirit but there were times were I would struggle and give in and then times where I was mostly giving in. Over the course of time, I could feel the convictions get less and less. I stopped completely 7 months ago albeit, now I'm experiencing health issues, mental health issues, struggles with suicide, lack of peace, feelings of depression, sadness, sorrow, hurt, pain, etc. I have wept before the Lord for the duration of this time. Returning to Him with all my heart and soul. Reading the Word again daily, trying to talk to Him in prayer, going to church, etc. However, I feel like no matter what I do I'm having such a hard time reconnecting to Him. I feel like I'll never have that closeness with Him ever again and it tears at my soul. Am I reprobate?Rejected? Am I like Esau? I recently learned verses in Hebrews I've never really known before about being impossible for renewal and deliberate sins. I never really knew those verses before and now that I see them I feel like that's indeed me. Friends, is there hope for me or did I cross that line? I've been told if I committed the unpardonable sin I wouldn't even be here posting something like this nor would I even care about a relationship with God at this point. I don't know what to do I'm so desperate for Him I hope it's not too late.

Going by the parable in Matthew 20, it is never too late to return to God. He relishes the return of those who got lost. It will only be too late for you if you give up on yourself and God. We all suffer throughout this life my friend. I always feel the best when I help others. Maybe you can find ways to help others so you won't focus on your own shortcomings. Hang in there buddy. These stressful times build us into better people to better serve God. Don't forget to forgive yourself for your failures. Forgiveness is a magical gift once we learn how essential it is for serenity. Peace

 

[d taylor]

Friends, I write this to you with a heavy laden heart. I come to you all completely humble, contrite, and broken. I stand before you all as a man who has continually lost battles with habitual sin - i.e. sexual immortality with online sins, touching yourself, etc. I've been married for 10 years and yet for the past 2 plus years is when I really startled to struggle with habitual sin as state above. Time and time again, I would feel conviction from the Spirit but there were times were I would struggle and give in and then times where I was mostly giving in. Over the course of time, I could feel the convictions get less and less. I stopped completely 7 months ago albeit, now I'm experiencing health issues, mental health issues, struggles with suicide, lack of peace, feelings of depression, sadness, sorrow, hurt, pain, etc. I have wept before the Lord for the duration of this time. Returning to Him with all my heart and soul. Reading the Word again daily, trying to talk to Him in prayer, going to church, etc. However, I feel like no matter what I do I'm having such a hard time reconnecting to Him. I feel like I'll never have that closeness with Him ever again and it tears at my soul. Am I reprobate?Rejected? Am I like Esau? I recently learned verses in Hebrews I've never really known before about being impossible for renewal and deliberate sins. I never really knew those verses before and now that I see them I feel like that's indeed me. Friends, is there hope for me or did I cross that line? I've been told if I committed the unpardonable sin I wouldn't even be here posting something like this nor would I even care about a relationship with God at this point. I don't know what to do I'm so desperate for Him I hope it's not too late.

-​

Not sure if you understand, the verses in Hebrews are speaking about Jewish believers wanting to leave the faith and go back to Judaism. Hebrews is not addressing sexual sins.

And the unpardonable sin, is a sin that people can not commit today, it was a national sin the nation of Israel committed back when Jesus was offering the nation of Israel The Kingdom of God

 

[strugglingsoul89]

One thing I've really been wrestling with is this constant feeling of anger and guilt

 

[ViaCrucis]

One thing I've really been wrestling with is this constant feeling of anger and guilt

Then be comforted with this: Christ died for you, He is the Lamb of God who takes away the sins of the world.

I know that not all churches have a form of confession and absolution, but many churches do. At the heart of confession and absolution is to declare confidence in God's word, His promise, to us that our sins are covered by the blood of Jesus Christ who suffered and died for us on the cross. Confession is always to God, even in those churches which offer a form of private confession to a pastor (Roman Catholic, Lutheran, and Anglican for example). What is important though is the absolution, the preaching of God's word the proclamation of God's promise, "If we confess our sins then He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and cleanse us from all unrighteousness." (1 John 1:9). God's promise, God's word, what God declares to us through the Gospel is that we are forgiven.

In my own theological tradition (Lutheran) we understand that when we corporately confess our sins together at the beginning of the Divine Service, and the pastor says (to the effect of, the precise wording can vary), "As an ordained minister of Jesus Christ, and by His name and authority, I declare to you the full forgiveness of your sins." We understand this declaration of forgiveness to be real forgiveness. So that we can, on the basis of our confession and God's promise in His word, be confident of our forgiveness. That Christ died for us, He has already paid the price, He has already ransomed us, through faith we belong to Him and He freely gives us Himself. So God forgives us, daily He forgives us, the word He speaks to us--on Christ's account--is forgiveness.

He forgives us.

That is good news. We are invited to hear God's word declare to us our forgiveness, because we need to hear it. For the exact reasons why you say above--constant feelings of anger and guilt. To which I would add also the feelings of despair, our feelings of hopelessness, our feelings of dread, and all manner of spiritual, emotional, and mental darkness which seeks to veil His lovely face from us.

Our sin is serious, so serious that Christ died for us.
But God's grace is so much bigger and greater than our sin. St. Paul tells us in Romans that where sin abounds God's grace super-abounds (that's the actual term he uses, grace super-abounds).

No matter how deep and dark our sin; Christ is greater, grace is stronger, God's love is brighter.
We commit a thousand sins daily, and each and every one of those is known by God, and what does He say to us? That He forgives us and loves us, that Christ died for us, so believe in Him, trust in Jesus.

Behold the Lamb of God who takes away the sins of the world.
Behold the grace of God which loves you, yes you. You, individually and personally, God loves you and forgives you.

We've all heard the song, grace is amazing.
Hear the words of all the old hymns,

"I stand amazed in the presence
Of Jesus the Nazarene,
And wonder how He could love me,
A sinner condemned, unclean

How marvelous! How wonderful!
And my song shall ever be:
How marvelous! How wonderful!
Is my Savior's love for me!"

And a modern hymn:

Peace to you, God's blessings to you. Abide in the forgiveness that is yours freely in Christ. Behold Him, He who comes to you in Word and Sacrament, He who meets you right here in all your weakness and sin, and kneels beside you, to hold you, and call you His.

-CryptoLutheran

 

[The Righterzpen]

One thing I've really been wrestling with is this constant feeling of anger and guilt

One thing I can tell you is that people who'd blasphemed the Holy Spirit; didn't worry about whether or not they'd blasphemed the Holy Spirit.

Blasphemy against the Holy Spirit was a very specific thing that had a specific point in history.

1. One had to be a religious leader in Judaism during the 1st century.
2 One had to have witnessed Jesus performing miracles in the flesh.
3. One had to have known what the OT Scripture said about the Messiah being able to perform miracles.
4. Having known all of this (that Jesus was the Messiah); one had to have taught / believed / said that Jesus did all of these things by the power of Satan.

Thus why if someone watched Jesus do these things; knew he was the Messiah and said he did so by the power of Satan; is why they would not be worried that they'd blasphemed the Holy Ghost.

And so, because here you are 2000 years later; writing on this forum that you are afraid you've blasphemed the Holy Spirit. Don't worry about it. You didn't. You don't meet this criteria!

Am I reprobate?Rejected? Am I like Esau? I recently learned verses in Hebrews I've never really known before about being impossible for renewal and deliberate sins. I never really knew those verses before and now that I see them I feel like that's indeed me.

The issue is similar with those who really are reprobate. They don't wonder whether or not they are reprobate because they believe they aren't.

Several people on this thread have made comments about 1st century Jews who at one point claimed they were Christians and than reverted back to the OT system (which was still operational at the time).

There's a very interesting event recorded in Galatians 2. 14 years Paul had been preaching to the gentiles. Peter comes to Antioch and eats with the gentiles. But when certain Jews come from Jerusalem; all the sudden Peter decides he's "going to be Jewish again". And won't eat with the gentile believers.

Well Paul calls him out on this; in front of everyone! And when we get to verse 18; Paul is basically saying to Peter that if he doesn't repent of this, then basically he's become a reprobate.

Now interesting thing about Peter. The vision of the sheet (Acts) coming down from heaven. Don't call something unclean that God has made clean. The vision was about Cornelius; who was a gentile believer who was in the Roman army. Cornelius had sent soldiers to Peter because an angel had told Cornelius to do this. Peter was reluctant because Cornelius was a gentile. God gave Peter specific instructions to go with these soldiers. The lesson Peter had learned was that the gospel was for everyone.

Peter knew this. He'd been specifically instructed by God. And now he comes down to Antioch with Paul and refuses to eat with the gentiles (after he'd already been eating with the gentiles).

Now Peter was more concerned about offending these other Jews than he was about offending God! And that's what a reprobate is!

I stand before you all as a man who has continually lost battles with habitual sin - i.e. sexual immortality with online sins, touching yourself, etc. I've been married for 10 years and yet for the past 2 plus years is when I really startled to struggle with habitual sin as state above. Time and time again, I would feel conviction from the Spirit but there were times were I would struggle and give in and then times where I was mostly giving in. Over the course of time, I could feel the convictions get less and less. I stopped completely 7 months ago albeit, now I'm experiencing health issues, mental health issues, struggles with suicide, lack of peace, feelings of depression, sadness, sorrow, hurt, pain, etc.

Now, I know you are depressed and feeling a desperate sense of shame. Try though to remove yourself from within your own situation and look logically at the difference between yourself, the 1st centuries leaders of Israel and Peter.

Do you see the difference?

In the case of Pete; he ultimately repented of his Jewish ethnocentricity. And according to what Jesus said to Peter just after the resurrection; Pete paid for that change of conviction and repentance of behavior with his life. (Jesus had told Peter that later in his life he would indeed be crucified; and likely put to death by the Jewish leaders in similar fashion to what they'd done to Jesus himself.

Paul was the "apostle to the uncircumcision" and Peter was the "apostle to the circumcision". Well once Peter stood firm on the fact that circumcision wasn't necessary; apparently the circumcised killed him.

Now in your case; Scripture says "guard your heart for out of it comes the issues of life". Looking at inappropriate content is only a symptom of a deeper issue. The need you're trying to fulfill with the inappropriate content is an issue of the heart. Your feelings of fear of being able to be close to anyone (God or spouse included) are issues of the heart. Ask God to help you figure out what those issues are and turn them over to Him.

A lot of people suffer from a variety of 'addictions'; substance abuse, greed (gambling), sex, relationships etc.

A lot of people suffer from the consequences of PTSD; crime, domestic violence, those abused as children, war veterans.

Often times trauma and addiction is connected! And that is at least in part the "issues of life" that "flow out of the heart".

I stopped completely 7 months ago albeit, now I'm experiencing health issues, mental health issues, struggles with suicide, lack of peace, feelings of depression, sadness, sorrow, hurt, pain, etc.

Now I don't know what your church is telling you about struggling with health issues, mental health, depression and suicide.

But none of this means that God has given up on you. Someone can have genuine faith and still struggle.

Sh** happens in life. I have a permanent mobility impairment from a car accident that happened 12 years ago. I'm an adult child of an alcoholic, a sexual abuse survivor and a war veteran. Yeah I got PTSD, fibromyalgia and chronic fatigue. And yeah, I spent about 6 months in various mental health facilities about 25 years ago for almost jumping off a bridge.

Today, I have a developmentally disabled 21 year old son with intractable epilepsy, and severe osteoporosis from 17 years on a particular seizure med.

NONE OF THIS HAPPENED BECAUSE WE LACKED FAITH!

And we may never know "why" this stuff happened until we get on the other side of eternity.

Your struggle doesn't mean God is done with you.
Obedience to Christ costs all of us something!

My prayer life is pretty simple; I pray for wisdom and then I pray for the courage to do the next thing God puts in front of me. I pray to walk through what ever is the next door He opens. I'm 52 years old. I've been a believer for some 30 odd years. I've learned a lot about God's grace in that time.

Ask God to help you with your heart that's simply manifesting the issues of life that you are facing.

 

[Strong in Him]

Friends, I write this to you with a heavy laden heart. I come to you all completely humble, contrite, and broken. I stand before you all as a man who has continually lost battles with habitual sin - i.e. sexual immortality with online sins, touching yourself, etc. I've been married for 10 years and yet for the past 2 plus years is when I really startled to struggle with habitual sin as state above. Time and time again, I would feel conviction from the Spirit but there were times were I would struggle and give in and then times where I was mostly giving in. Over the course of time, I could feel the convictions get less and less. I stopped completely 7 months ago albeit, now I'm experiencing health issues, mental health issues, struggles with suicide, lack of peace, feelings of depression, sadness, sorrow, hurt, pain, etc. I have wept before the Lord for the duration of this time. Returning to Him with all my heart and soul. Reading the Word again daily, trying to talk to Him in prayer, going to church, etc. However, I feel like no matter what I do I'm having such a hard time reconnecting to Him. I feel like I'll never have that closeness with Him ever again and it tears at my soul. Am I reprobate?Rejected?

No.
I'm sorry that you've been struggling, and I'm sorry that you now have mental health issues.
I don't know what these issues are, but if you are depressed, that will probably cloud things. It might take away your ability to feel, and make you think the worst - i.e that lack of positive feelings are a sign of rejection by God. Elijah, in the OT, was depressed and wanted to die. He believed that he was the only one in the whole country who believed in God - there were 7000 others, but he could not see that. God did not leave him because he was depressed.

Am I like Esau? I recently learned verses in Hebrews I've never really known before about being impossible for renewal and deliberate sins. I never really knew those verses before and now that I see them I feel like that's indeed me.

The author of Hebrews was writing to Jewish Christians who were facing persecution. They were tempted to deny Jesus was the Messiah, return to Judaism to save their lives, and then convert back again once the threat of persecution had passed.
The author said that having once confessed that Jesus was the Messiah, if they then denied him (and to be accepted by the synagogues, they would have had to publicly deny Jesus and renounce Christianity), they would not be able to turn back and be accepted by the church again.

These verses do not mean that a Christian cannot be forgiven of a certain sin.

I've been told if I committed the unpardonable sin I wouldn't even be here posting something like this nor would I even care about a relationship with God at this point. I don't know what to do I'm so desperate for Him I hope it's not too late.

You wouldn't. You are desperate for God, and those who seek will find.

What MAY be happening is that either depression/self hatred is preventing you from believing that you are forgiven. Or that you are relying on feelings to tell you that you are forgiven - and if you are depressed, you may have only negative feelings.
As a teenager, I relied on my feelings way too much. I thought that God would show me that he loved me by letting me have a good day/easy life/pass my exams and so on. If these things happened, I believed it meant that he did love me.
I was so wrong.
The cross shows God's love and forgiveness. Jesus lay down his perfect life for sinners, Romans 5:8, and John says the cross shows what love is, 1 John 3:16.

If you are struggling to accept this - and especially if you are having suicidal thoughts - please talk to a Minister, doctor, counsellor or all 3.

 

[YeshuaFollower]

One thing I've really been wrestling with is this constant feeling of anger and guilt

continue on your path and walk with GOD. guilt and anger and the feelings of depression will pass eventually, it is part of the process of going back to the lord and rejecting the world. Jesus said the path to life is not easy, it is not. We all go through this pain but it leads to eternal life, chose the narrow path, follow the words of Christ.

Peace be with you.

JFF

 

[Maria Billingsley]

Friends, I write this to you with a heavy laden heart. I come to you all completely humble, contrite, and broken. I stand before you all as a man who has continually lost battles with habitual sin - i.e. sexual immortality with online sins, touching yourself, etc. I've been married for 10 years and yet for the past 2 plus years is when I really startled to struggle with habitual sin as state above. Time and time again, I would feel conviction from the Spirit but there were times were I would struggle and give in and then times where I was mostly giving in. Over the course of time, I could feel the convictions get less and less. I stopped completely 7 months ago albeit, now I'm experiencing health issues, mental health issues, struggles with suicide, lack of peace, feelings of depression, sadness, sorrow, hurt, pain, etc. I have wept before the Lord for the duration of this time. Returning to Him with all my heart and soul. Reading the Word again daily, trying to talk to Him in prayer, going to church, etc. However, I feel like no matter what I do I'm having such a hard time reconnecting to Him. I feel like I'll never have that closeness with Him ever again and it tears at my soul. Am I reprobate?Rejected? Am I like Esau? I recently learned verses in Hebrews I've never really known before about being impossible for renewal and deliberate sins. I never really knew those verses before and now that I see them I feel like that's indeed me. Friends, is there hope for me or did I cross that line? I've been told if I committed the unpardonable sin I wouldn't even be here posting something like this nor would I even care about a relationship with God at this point. I don't know what to do I'm so desperate for Him I hope it's not too late.

".....if you confess with your mouth the Lord Jesus and believe in your heart that God has raised Him from the dead, you will be saved. 10 For with the heart one believes unto righteousness, and with the mouth confession is made unto salvation. 11 For the Scripture says, “Whoever believes on Him will not be put to shame.”

Do not doubt.
Blessings.

 

[Mark Quayle]

Friends, I write this to you with a heavy laden heart. I come to you all completely humble, contrite, and broken. I stand before you all as a man who has continually lost battles with habitual sin - i.e. sexual immortality with online sins, touching yourself, etc. I've been married for 10 years and yet for the past 2 plus years is when I really startled to struggle with habitual sin as state above. Time and time again, I would feel conviction from the Spirit but there were times were I would struggle and give in and then times where I was mostly giving in. Over the course of time, I could feel the convictions get less and less. I stopped completely 7 months ago albeit, now I'm experiencing health issues, mental health issues, struggles with suicide, lack of peace, feelings of depression, sadness, sorrow, hurt, pain, etc. I have wept before the Lord for the duration of this time. Returning to Him with all my heart and soul. Reading the Word again daily, trying to talk to Him in prayer, going to church, etc. However, I feel like no matter what I do I'm having such a hard time reconnecting to Him. I feel like I'll never have that closeness with Him ever again and it tears at my soul. Am I reprobate?Rejected? Am I like Esau? I recently learned verses in Hebrews I've never really known before about being impossible for renewal and deliberate sins. I never really knew those verses before and now that I see them I feel like that's indeed me. Friends, is there hope for me or did I cross that line? I've been told if I committed the unpardonable sin I wouldn't even be here posting something like this nor would I even care about a relationship with God at this point. I don't know what to do I'm so desperate for Him I hope it's not too late.

Yes, it hurts more than our little hearts and minds are capable of dealing with.

My own experience is mine alone, though there are lessons from it that could be applied to most anyone.


One huge lesson is one of perspective:

Sin is completely against God, no matter how truly it is sin against ourselves and against each other. None of us, in spite of how strenuously we beat ourselves up for it, have any idea how bad ANY sin is —and the horror of what Christ went through on our behalf; and by that I'm not referring so much to the physical and mental torture he went through, while alive and dying, but the payment in our place for what we justly should have to pay. In my opinion, that was far and away the worst of it. Yet, he doesn't seem to hold that against us, because it was freely done, "for the joy that was before him", and it was done as planned from the beginning. It is part of 'WHAT IS", that God established as endemic to creation. That "joy that was before him" is God's whole reason for creating. This life is not for this life.

'Stand back' a bit, and watch God work. Where you find yourself at any moment, is precisely where God planned from the beginning for you to be at that moment. And to HIM, it looks both much worse, and much better, than we are capable of comprehending —It is beyond us! And it is in his hands. You cannot undo what God has determined to accomplish.

Not to say that we have no duty or responsibility. Our responsibility is enormous! But God's "got this". Lean on him desperately.