Question about breaking marriage bond (adultery)

[jaimegerise]

I couldn't find any threads on this...if anyone knows of one, please direct me!

Anyway, I have a question about something. Is it just actual sexual intercourse alone that is considered the adultery that breaks the marriage bond which allows for divorce(as stated in the Bible)?

Ok, let's say you have a married couple....and one of the spouses had some sort of extramariatal affair that included intimate/sexual acts (in addition to becoming close emotionally aka not just physically), but NOT actual intercourse. Is this considered having broken the marriage bond?

And lets say that the other spouse knew about it (after the fact, I guess)....and also knew that actual intercourse didn't take place....is this enough for this spouse to divorce the other?

Hope I'm making sense...sorry to get so technical, but I wondered about this from a biblical standpoint.

 

[Munchkinprincess]

Something like that happened to me recently. My husband made a friend with a woman which eventually led to some kissing and touching and also an emotional bond with her. It only lasted a week and a half, but it hurt more than words can say. I think about it probably at least once a day. We only told one close friend and he told me (and showed me) that based on what the Bible says, it was grounds for a divorce. However, I chose to stick with our marriage and get over this and am now extremely grateful that I did. We are much more committed to one another. The complete trust that I once had isn't fully there, but we're working on it. Getting back to your question, though, I believe that it is wrong to do all those things and is grounds for a divorce according to the Bible. I don't have my Bible right here, but I'm sure others will direct you to some scripture about this topic. But, don't forget that if that has or ever happens to you, you need to have a forgiving heart. Everyone sins and whether it's big ones or itty-bitty ones God ALWAYS forgives us if we ask for it.

Sorry if I babbled too much, I just thought I might share my story about this.

 

[searle29678]

I define adultery as any act that involved intimate actions that should only be shared with the spouse. The things that come to mind would be emotional affairs, inappropriate contentography, kissing, sexual intercourse, things of that nature. Depending on the person and their willingness to forgive I would consider any one of those adultery and grounds for divorce if it was a continual relationship.

 

[jaimegerise]

I guess what I'm asking is....at what point would God consider the marriage bond broken? Does it take getting all the way to sexual intercourse? I understand completely what's been replied so far, though...thanks!

 

[~Nikki~]

Jesus said that for someone to look upon another person and lust after them has committed adultery with them in their heart...does that mean that this is grounds for divorce also?

IMO adultery is not grounds for divorce - God says we must forgive or He will not forgive us.

God says we must love others. This is the Bible's definition of love:
Love suffers long and is kind, love does not envy: love does not parade itself, is not puffed up, love does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails...

If we're not loving like this, then we're not loving as God says we should...

The word which some translate as 'adultery' in Matthew is actually the Greek word for 'fornication'. In other words, at the time the only reason for divorce was if the husband found out on his wedding night that the bride had defrauded him and wasn't actually a virgin. If that happened he could divorce her the next morning. Adultery was never grounds for divorce - it was grounds for stoning, and you can't divorce a corpse!

 

[searle29678]

I think that to a certain extent, a marriage is always salvageable...even in the face of adultery. I guess this question sort of makes me feel like I am trying to decide at what point is divorce ok with God, and I don't think He ever deems it completely necassary. I dont' think divorce is ever ok, but once again it is a personal decision that has to be made for the person involved. I know in my situation, when I start asking "how much is too much and how far is too far" I am looking for ways to get out of doing what God wants me to do. I don't think God considers a marriage broken until we go through with the divorce. Considering how much God forgives us for and doesn't break his covenant to us, I can't come up with too many valid reasons to say "This is it, I can't take anymore." and that includes adultery as much as I hate to admit it.

 

[jaimegerise]

Northstar...

I am not questioning what is grounds for divorce, please stay on topic, as I'd really like this one particular question answered.

 

[jaimegerise]

It does state in the Bible that divorce because of the adultery IS permissable (NOT required). But I am NOT here to debate that....

Please refer to my initial questions....

 

[searle29678]

And no, I don't think it has to go all the way to sexual intercourse to be considered adultery.

 

[~Nikki~]

Is it just actual sexual intercourse alone that is considered the adultery that breaks the marriage bond which allows for divorce(as stated in the Bible)?

You wanted to know what is considered to be adultery...my point in answer to your question is that Jesus says that lusting is adultery.


You also stated that adultery breaks the marriage bond, and my response to that was that not even adultery breaks the marriage bond. Only death does...

God bless

 

[heartnsoul]

I guess what I'm asking is....at what point would God consider the marriage bond broken? Does it take getting all the way to sexual intercourse? I understand completely what's been replied so far, though...thanks!

Anything that defiles, dishonors, or violates the marriage covenant/marital vows is considered breaking the marriage bond, in my opinion. While God hates divorce, he also hates an ungodly marriage. Even though sexual intercourse didn't occur, physical touch (kissing, touching, petting, oral sex, etc.) is still considered *cheating*. Cheating is dishonoring the marital vow. Trust is the foundation for any relationship. Once that trust is broken, it is very difficult to rebuild. I'm not saying it can't be done, but it results in serious emotional consequences that may require years to rebuild. And the marriage has a chance of healing only if the cheater truly repents and never cheats again. Unless true repentance occurs, the marriage would continue to be a dysfunctional, unhealthy and ungodly one.

 

[The Bushman]

If you want to find out from the bible what is aceptable go to

 

[The Bushman]

Romans 7 teaches : "For the woman that hath a husband is bound by law to the husband while he liveth; but if the husband die, she is discharged from the law of the husband. So then if, while the husband liveth, she be joined to another man, she shall be called an adulteress: but if the husband die, she is free from the law, so that she is no adulteress, though she be joined to another man" [Rom. 7:2, 3].

Only Death can break the covenat of marriage

 

[revrobor]

I couldn't find any threads on this...if anyone knows of one, please direct me!

Anyway, I have a question about something. Is it just actual sexual intercourse alone that is considered the adultery that breaks the marriage bond which allows for divorce(as stated in the Bible)?

Ok, let's say you have a married couple....and one of the spouses had some sort of extramariatal affair that included intimate/sexual acts (in addition to becoming close emotionally aka not just physically), but NOT actual intercourse. Is this considered having broken the marriage bond?

And lets say that the other spouse knew about it (after the fact, I guess)....and also knew that actual intercourse didn't take place....is this enough for this spouse to divorce the other?

Hope I'm making sense...sorry to get so technical, but I wondered about this from a biblical standpoint.

It sounds as if you are looking for some Biblical excuse for dissolving a marriage and there is none.

If you are thinking about what Jesus said in Matthew he was not talking about those who are civilly married as we are today. He was saying that if a man learned his fiancee' had been unfaithful (had sex with another man) he could give her a bill of divorcement BEFORE they became husband and wife by sexual intercourse. He said this because, in God's eyes, the woman was already married to the man she had sex with and for her husband-to-be to have sex with her would be committing adultry.

Marriages were arranged (often as children) in those days and the couple was considered husband and wife before they ever came together sexually. There were no civil (State) marriages as we have today (which is the ceremony performed by most churches) but there were religious celebrations (such as the one at Cana) of the coming marriage.

 

[Southern Cross]

I had typed up this long reply, and then lost it! Arrrgggh!

I had the same question. I've asked a few very reputable folks involved in marriage ministry and counseling, and there is nothing scriptural about "breaking of the marriage bond", or at least the terminology we're using here.

I've read a lot material that suggests the marriage bond can be broken through adultery - seems to be more of a common sense thing. I have been told by counselors to be very careful to not act as a divorced/single man until my divorce actually takes place, regardless if the marriage bond was "broken". Then other people say my "marriage bond" was broken by adultery, and divorce is just a formality at this point.

It seems that the breaking of the marriage bond is a prelude to divorce. But now I'm asking questions...the bond is repairable, is it not? Can trust be re-established over time, and can a divorce be averted even at the last minute?

The bond, the commitment, the marriage is repairable if both the husband and wife want to try again. Unfortunaltely a lot of people are using the broken bond issue as a way to go out and behave as if they were single and date around or establish another relationship altogether. And when you take into account that all these "experts" out there keep talking about the marriage "bond" being broken and you are free, it's not helping anyone to understand the bottom line message that you are not single again until you are divorced. I'm really struggling with what the right answer is, but I'm leaning toward divorce - rather than a broken bond - is the answer to whether you are really free from a bad marriage.

It's the same thing as soul ties. Do I believe they exist? Yes, I do. Are they mentioned anywhere in scripture? No.

 

[jaimegerise]

Interesting replies...thanks!

 

[isaiah5213]

can a person not have sex and still commit adultery? is the bottom line question i see you to be asking... and i am gonna put another twist on this..

i think yes for numerous reason... a big one is... two females can't have intercourse together, but if i were to suddenly take up a relationship w/one, my husband would definitely see this as adultery... as would i. to me, sadly, it is common sense...

and, me?? if i found out that my husband had "messed around" w/another woman, and then he would dare try to look me in the eye and say "but we didn't have sex dear" i would feel so violated & hurt and made fun of!! it would be like us being in the world, and him looking at me and saying "i had sex w/her, but i made love to you dear.." yuck!!! don't touch me!!

basically, to say "but we didn't have sex, so we didn't do wrong" is minimizing the sin.. it just didn't "happen"... things were planned and put into place, and numerous events happened to lead up to that moment. it is making a mockery of a marriage to try to excuse the behavior of being intimate w/another person, & try to say it isn't wrong cuz' there was no intercourse involved...



sorry.. i will calm down now.. i am getting insecure about my postings being on the angry side this week... someone stop me! yikes!

 

[Melbelle]

In pure thoughts is consider to be adultry.

 

[~RENEE~]

Deuteronomy 24:1When a man hath taken a wife, and married her, and it come to pass that she find no favour in his eyes, because he hath found some uncleanness in her: then let him write her a bill of divorcement, and give it in her hand, and send her out of his house.