Proper Etiquette? Or am I just overthinking?

[Anselm123]

So, to frame the scenario: I feel like some of my friends have gotten fed up with me a little bit recently. I haven't really talked to them much the past week or two and it kinda sucks (especially since classes are over for the summer and I don't have anything to do).

One of my friends said she wasn't able to make it to my 21st birthday dinner. I thought maybe she would be willing to hang out for lunch. So I texted asking but didn't get a response. (Just a side note: not interested in her as more than a friend. Just wanted to meet up with my friends on my bday). So what's the proper etiquette with this? send a followup text? If people are a little fed up with me right now, I don't want to make things worse.

Also, I sent her a message asking her if I could rant a little since I haven't had anyone to talk to in a while. She asked what was up. I sent a message explaining. She said she typed up a response but it was too long so FB didn't send it (and ended up deleting all the text as a result). She said she didn't want to type everything up again, but could tell me in person sometime. I asked when, but didn't get a response. Same thing here. Do I just send a followup? Or just let it be?

This probably sounds like a silly set of questions. But, I'm not very confident in my decisions recently, so whatever.

 

[Evie1980]

Hmmm.... I am not sure about etiquette when it comes to modern technology. However, as I live in a developing nation and find that it is rather unreliable. I have also recently had my phone number written down wrong so that everyone who wanted my phone number got the wrong one when asking at the schools office. A lot of miscommunication through text mesages as I didn't get the ones I was supposed to. Facebook is a pain if you write too many words. Trust me, I am good at writing too many words....

My solution is that I would just call her and ask her what is up. Usually I would start with something casual and then lead into the deep questions. Being someone who is busy and forgetful, I don't always mean to offend people the way that I do but appreciate it when people are open and honest with me. Calling someone is the sure way to get the answer that you require at that point in time. It may not be the one you want but you will at least get it. Besides, I get bored after writing the second text. If you want to ask me that many questions you should have just called.

Moving onto if she doesn't answer her phone or text back in the near future. Well there could be many reasons for that but they mainly fall into 2 categories - it has nothing to do with you and it is something to do with you. We tend to think that if someone doesn't respond in our timeframe that it has to be about us but this is not always true. The only way to find out is to ask people. Everything is about perspective. We can't assume we understand another person's thoughts, opinoins and perspective on a situation or ourselves without asking them.

I am sorry that you missed out on meeting up with your mates on your birthday. Having been in many different countries on my birthdays I know how hard it is especially one like your 21st.

 

[dayhiker]

I don't have a clue what is up. Just don't know you well enough.

might make sense to spend the summer going out with new people and make some more friends. Not saying to dump the old ones. The one message that your post might indicate is that you want to spend more times with your friends that they want to spend with you. So that's why I say find some new friends.

 

[Anselm123]

My solution is that I would just call her and ask her what is up. Usually I would start with something casual and then lead into the deep questions. Calling someone is the sure way to get the answer that you require at that point in time.

Moving onto if she doesn't answer her phone or text back in the near future. Well there could be many reasons for that but they mainly fall into 2 categories - it has nothing to do with you and it is something to do with you. We tend to think that if someone doesn't respond in our timeframe that it has to be about us but this is not always true. The only way to find out is to ask people. Everything is about perspective. We can't assume we understand another person's thoughts, opinoins and perspective on a situation or ourselves without asking them.

I am sorry that you missed out on meeting up with your mates on your birthday. Having been in many different countries on my birthdays I know how hard it is especially one like your 21st.

That's actually a good idea. A call would be much more quick and to the point. And you're right, it's often difficult to tell why someone doesn't respond. Unfortunately, my initial reaction is always to assume the worst.

might make sense to spend the summer going out with new people and make some more friends. Not saying to dump the old ones. The one message that your post might indicate is that you want to spend more times with your friends that they want to spend with you. So that's why I say find some new friends.

Yeah, I think that's accurate. Or at least, that's how I perceive the situation. But, you might be right. Aside from a couple friends, I've always had a problem where friends would almost never initiate conversations or invite me to stuff. I usually have to invite myself, initiate, or just get lucky enough to tag along. Some people have suggested joining clubs and the like at the university to meet people with the same interests, but I'm not sure how much this would work. Most of my friends now came through that avenue, and I think we do have a lot in common.

 

[Oddish]

Sounds like a lazy friend. Not bothering to respond to a question in a text isn't a very friendly thing to do. I guess that she could be busy, but then again it doesn't take long to answer "yes" or "no".

 

[toastface_grillah]

So, to frame the scenario: I feel like some of my friends have gotten fed up with me a little bit recently. I haven't really talked to them much the past week or two and it kinda sucks (especially since classes are over for the summer and I don't have anything to do).

One of my friends said she wasn't able to make it to my 21st birthday dinner. I thought maybe she would be willing to hang out for lunch. So I texted asking but didn't get a response. (Just a side note: not interested in her as more than a friend. Just wanted to meet up with my friends on my bday). So what's the proper etiquette with this? send a followup text? If people are a little fed up with me right now, I don't want to make things worse.

Also, I sent her a message asking her if I could rant a little since I haven't had anyone to talk to in a while. She asked what was up. I sent a message explaining. She said she typed up a response but it was too long so FB didn't send it (and ended up deleting all the text as a result). She said she didn't want to type everything up again, but could tell me in person sometime. I asked when, but didn't get a response. Same thing here. Do I just send a followup? Or just let it be?

This probably sounds like a silly set of questions. But, I'm not very confident in my decisions recently, so whatever.

It sucks when that happens. I'll second Evie here and say that calling would be the best way to go. Some people don't always go for texting conversations, but are fine with in-person or on the phone. Just one of those personal preferences that's more them than you.
Just to get some perspective, why do you feel like your friends have gotten fed up with you recently?

 

[Anselm123]

Sounds like a lazy friend. Not bothering to respond to a question in a text isn't a very friendly thing to do. I guess that she could be busy, but then again it doesn't take long to answer "yes" or "no".

Yeah.... I don't understand the whole "I didn't get the text" excuse either. I don't miss people's texts and always respond. I don't like leaving people hanging because I think it's rude.

It sucks when that happens. I'll second Evie here and say that calling would be the best way to go. Some people don't always go for texting conversations, but are fine with in-person or on the phone. Just one of those personal preferences that's more them than you.
Just to get some perspective, why do you feel like your friends have gotten fed up with you recently?

Yeah, I know she's not the biggest fan of texting conversations, but I've had them with her in the past.

I've been going through a lot of stuff recently (can look up one of my previous threads for illumination) and had been talking to them a bit about the problems. Recently I just feel like their responses have been colder. They've kind of hinted that they don't want to talk about it as much either. It's hard to qualify, but most of all I just sort of get that vibe.....

And cool. Looks like two other people can't make it to my birthday tomorrow. Last week everyone said they'd come. [bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse]es me off when they change thier mind the last minute.