Thing is the OCD is making me not want to believe in God at times so then I curse him on purpose! then I feel guilty and I said that I'd rather Jesus die than me because he can come back to life, am I evil for this?
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Kristen.NewCreation and FreeinChrist
Thing is the OCD is making me not want to believe in God at times so then I curse him on purpose! then I feel guilty and I said that I'd rather Jesus die than me because he can come back to life, am I evil for this?
If you are really concerned(like a member told me here)about it than your heart is still with God because only someone who means what they say and is not concerned has a black heart and does not love God.
I can't tell my own thoughts from my own anymore. I got a thought about me dying soon so I said that if god does that to me that I hoped he got the worst illness I know so bad to say then the other part of mebsays well god deserves it if he kills me and then I get even more scared thinking he is going to kill me. Starting to think I'm evil now. Because how can I say such things
I have religious OCD and obsess about everything. Any number or illness can be a trigger. Any time I hear anything bad It's like I'd wish it on me or on the holy spirit and because I am so scared about them happening to me e.g bad illness or dying I'd say for it to happen to the holy spirit and that part is from my own will obviously but the main thought obviously was triggered from my OCD.
Day by day it just keeps getting worse. Today I got a thought about dying in 9 months, then I said if the holy spirit could die, i'd rather the holy spirit to die rather than me. I said that bit out of my own will and now I am so scared it is going to happen or that God will punish me and kill me and I got so angry at myself that I said that about the holy spirit I don't know what to do. Is this part of the OCD or is this just me having an evil soul
I do love God and want to become more religious as I never was very religious but this has made me want to believe in God more but I am so scared he hates me. I was brought up to believe in God. I just have constant fear in me. Today my OCD has been the worst ever. I got a thought about dying on a day soon when I have a special occasion, my mind then thought hope God gets the worst illness if this happens. (Can't even type the illness I said) I then thought about it and thought, if God does do that to me then he deserves to get the worst illness as punishment for doing that to me. This part came from my own will but obviously it has been inflicted from the OCD thought which I originally had. But obviously now I am starting to think I am really evil for saying this as how can you wish illnesses on God but just like if you knew a random person was going to kill you, you would hate them and would want the worst to happen to them,well that is how I am feeling now and because of this I believe God will kill me. I don't know if this is part of the OCD or if I am naturally evil.
Thing is, today I got thought about god dying in two years. I then thought from my own thought that if this was possible and everything was still going to be normal and no one would be affected and when we died we would still be going to the same place then It isn't something too bad even if it happened now. But how can I want God to die I mean is this part of the OCD or just me